Battling the Loss You Live For.

He didn’t come back that night.
I didn’t know what to do but cry. I cried so much I was dehydrated. He didn’t answer my calls, and after a while switched off his phone.
So I called Mikey, telling him what happened and he came over right away, armed with Gerard, Nyona, Sophii and ice cream. Gerard gave me a bottle of water, Nyona sitting on the floor in front of me, Sophii on my right and Mikey on my left. Gerard sat on the other side of the room by the window while he smoked.
“He’s a dick for just walking out like that,” Sophii said, flicking the lid off the Phish Food Ben & Jerry’s.
“Don’t call him a dick, Sophii…” Mikey mumbled, shaking his head.
“But he-”
“Sophii,” Mikey said, sternly, giving her a look. She closed her mouth, frustrated.
“Where would he be?” I whimpered, worried and anxious. It was so late, just over three in the morning. I couldn’t sleep.
“It’ll be fine, Sazzy. Ray and Matt are looking for him. They’re checking Eyeball first, they’ll call,” Gerard said, trying to comfort. It didn’t help that he was smoking a shed load of fags. He was nervous, I could tell. He loved Frank a lot, like a brother. In fact, we all felt like family. We were family.
“But what if it’s not?”
“It will be. Trust me. He won’t go far,” he explained, blowing smoke out the window.
“And if he does?”
“He comes back.”
I grew frustrated, and Mikey noticed, and to try and calm me, he shoved his spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, startling me.
“Mikey, you prick!” I cried, swallowing the cold, chocolate lump. He just grinned at me, nervously.
Gerard’s phone blasted out some Iron Maiden song loudly from the table, vibrating vigorously.
“Ray,” he said, before accepting the call. My heart was thumping.
“Have you-? Oh… well, where- …alright. Yeah. Call me,” he hung up.
“What happened?” I asked, nervous. I was so worried, my palms were sweating and I was shaking.
“He’s not at Eyeball,” he said, and sighed, flicking his cigarette out the window.
“They’re checking other places like Rutgers and Guitar Centre and hitting the Star Bucks stores as they go.”
I knew he wouldn’t be in any of them places. I told him.
“Might as well try,” was all he said back.
“…Why did he get so pissed off?” Nyona wondered out loud, and I shrugged, a tear falling down my face.
“Aw, Sazzy,” Mikey whispered, hugging me to him tightly, “we’ll find him. Don’t worry.”
“How c-can I n-not? He’s missing! M-My boyfriend is m-missing!” I cried; my sobs muffled in Mikey’s chest. He stroked my hair, not saying anything.
“We’ll get him back, Sazzy. I promise… on Nyona’s life,” Sophii said, making Nee grumble.
“I hate it when you promise stuff on me. It makes me feel like you’ve stolen my soul or something,” she complained, through a mouthful of ice cream.
“…But I do own your soul,” Sophii said, like it was a fact.
“Fuck off, do you.”
“Don’t chat northern speak to me, arse!”
“Fucking midlander!” Nyona cried, pointing her spoon accusingly at Sophii.
“I’d rather be a midlander than a dirty northerner!”
“You wish you were a northerner,” Nyona said smugly, a small smile on her face, “we is gangster.”
“You two are like a fucking married couple,” Gerard complained, pushing his cigarette carton into his leather jacket.
“You’re jealous,” Sophii said, grinning. Gerard gave her a blank stare.
“Maybe try calling him now?” Mikey suggested, and I lifted my head from his chest. Gee looked at me for a while, and sighed, picking his phone up off the table.
We waited with bated breath.
“Ringing…”
My heart leapt…
“No answer.”
…And sunk.

I woke up, the darkness unfamiliar, but comfortable.
“…Gerard? …Mikey?”
There was no answer. I must have fallen asleep and they carried me in here. I looked around my room, seeing Nyona passed out on Frank’s side of the bed. She had borrowed one of my t-shirts and a pair of pyjama pants.
I looked over at the clock, seeing that it was nine in the morning.
I lay back down, picking up my phone and checking it to see a text. Confused, I opened it.

Sorry.