Battling the Loss You Live For.

Sazzy’s Point of View.
We got to Gee’s at around seven-ish. Ray, Matt, Sophii, Nyona and Mikey were already there, so they were just waiting on me, Frankie and Gee.
“Sazzy!” Sophii screamed, running over to me and hugging me awkwardly, due to my huge bump.
“Whoa, fatter than ever,” she said, whilst Gerard nudged her.
“And scarier than ever, you ass, she’ll rip your head off,” he whispered to her, and she had a look of terror on her face. I shrugged, and she grinned, still slightly nervous.
“Want a drink?”
“Sophii, get over here you slut!” Mikey called, annoyed, as Sophii grinned, almost laughing as she skipped over to him. He was looking up at the TV screen, which had some sort of video game on.
“You named me ‘Space Slag!’” he groaned, as Matt burst out into laughter, followed by Frank.
“I don’t know why you’re laughing! She named you ‘Pansy Poof’” he pointed to Frank, “and you ‘Peedo Prick!’” Mikey said, pointing to Matt. Matt looked pissed, whereas Frank still had a smile on his face.
“You weren’t very creative with mine,” he said, sitting on the floor next to Mikey, “who else is playing?”
“I’m guessing Gerard is ‘Fag Boy’” Mikey said, passing one controller to Gerard and the other to Frank.
“You two are up. Car racing,” Mikey said, grinning as he looked up at the bright screen.

After a while of watching them bash each other up, crash into each other with their go-karts and get killed in laps of lava, I got pretty damn hungry. So, I ventured into the kitchen to find those lovely buttery potatoes that Gee promised Donna would make.
I found her in the kitchen, pouring over a photo album. It looked pretty old and worn, as the spine was all ripped up and from what I saw, the cover and back was frayed and tattered. Her eyes were watering, and she didn’t seem to notice that I was in the room.
“Uh… hey, Donna,” I said, smiling as I sat in the chair next to her. She sniffled, pulling her lips into a smile.
“Hello, love. How are you?” she said, closing the photo album with a sight sigh. I nodded.
“I’m alright. How are you?” I asked, with a slightly knowing tone. She looked very down.
“Oh… don’t worry about me, love. Just getting all silly and emotional, is all. I’m fine. How are the babies keepin’ you?” she replied, shrugging off the topic. I hesitated, and she noticed, sighing.
“I’m sorry, hunnie, but it’s just that recently, especially… I’ve just been thinking about the past and stuff that has happened,” she explained, laying her hands out on the table and training her eyes on her fingernails. She was always very well kept.
“Especially with… You, actually… You just… remind me a lot of someone I used to know… or should know,” she sighed again.
“Oh… I, um, can I-”
“No, no, love. I don’t think its right that I burden you with my past. Especially in your state,” she said, giving me a small smile.
“I will be fine. I promise,” I urged, almost eager to know. She hesitated, thinking it over. She looked up at me, and then she let out a breath, making up her mind.
“Alright… When Mikey was just over a year old, we went to England as a family holiday. We were going to go to Scotland, to see family there. Don’s from there,” she explained, and my heart started thumping. This sounded familiar…
“And, uh, what-what happened?” I said, my voice shaking a little. She didn’t really seem to notice.
“Well, I, stupidly, demanded to fly. I was pregnant. I thought, ‘okay, I’ve had two kids, I know what it’ll be like’, so I insisted I flew, and that I was okay to. The doctors thought I’d be fine, too, because I had a very easy-going pregnancy, not troublesome at all. I didn’t even get morning sickness or anything-”
“And you flew, and you went into labour in Harrow, in London, and you… you…” I stopped myself, looking at Donna. She had this look about her. Her eyes were like Mikey’s. I remembered that time, the time I saw Mikey for the second time.
I recognised his eyes… they reminded me of something or someone, but I couldn’t place what or who. Similar to Frank’s, maybe?
They were mine. That’s how I recognised his eyes, they were mine. And when Gerard came over to invite me and Frankie to Thanksgiving, when he made that comment, that was probably completely mindless, but still meant something, especially now of all times.
“Man, when you do that, you look like Ma.”
I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe that this woman sat in front of me is my…
“Sazzy, where are you? It’s your turn to play; you’re up against Sop-”
Frank stopped as he saw me at the table with Donna, my eyes red and burning, as a lone tear shed.
“What’s going on?” he whispered, sitting in the chair next to me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders.
“How do you know?” Donna asked, in a whisper. Her voice was small, trembling as her bottom lip quivered.
“I… was born in Harrow, at 1:34pm on the 24th of October.”