Battling the Loss You Live For.

The next thing I know, Gerard was in the kitchen, his eyes confused as he looked at the scene in front of him. Frank’s arm was still wrapped around my shoulders, his free hand resting on my swollen stomach out of habit. Soft tears marked my cheeks as they did Donna’s, her hands laid flat on the table.
“…Mari- Marilyn…?” she whispered, her eyes full of wonder, locked on my own. The atmosphere stiffened, Gerard’s eyes widening as he looked at me. He turned on his heel, and walked out of the room, the door swinging shut behind him.
“Are… are you? You’re… my… no, this isn’t r-right. She’s in England, my baby. She’s still there…” she said to herself, shaking her head, “she is.”
Gerard walked back in, with Mikey in tow.
“What’s going on?” Mikey asked, confused as hell, whereas Gerard still looked like he’d just seen a ghost. He shook his head, looking over at Mikey, at his eyes, then at mine.
“…She is. She’s… Sazzy, you’re… oh my god, I can’t believe it,” Gerard mumbled, as Mikey grumbled.
“What are you talking about?!”
Donna scanned my face, then standing up. Frank was glued to his seat, his eyes never leaving my baby bump.
I just felt so tired.
Donna walked over to me, and hauled me off my seat, wrapping me in a giant hug.
“I’ve missed you, my baby. For so long,” she bawled into my shoulder, as tears began streaming, thicker, faster down my face.
“What… the hell. Is this what I think it is?” Mikey whispered, asking Frank. He didn’t move. Mikey turned to Gerard, who looked uncertain. He looked over at me, his eye burning into my watery ones, as I still hugged Donna.
“Yeah…” he whispered, the mutter echoing around the room in an eerie fashion.
“You mean to say, that…”
“No.”
I pulled away from Donna softly, turning to Frank. His harshness shocked me.
“Frank… What-”
“I need to talk to you. Now,” he said, standing up from his chair and waiting for me, his eyes burning with something. He wanted to ask me something.
Why was he acting like this?
I followed him out of the back door that was by the fridge, and he leant against the brick wall of the house.
“…Are you sure?” he said simply, jamming his hands in his pockets. I didn’t say anything.
“Well? Are you?”
“…Why are you like this?” I whispered, more tears welling at my eyes, my throat burning. His eyes widened, his eyebrows raised.
“I- I’m sorry. It’s just that…” he trailed off, shrugging as he removed his hands from his pockets.
“Just what, Frank…? I thought that you, of all people, would be happy for me,” I said, letting a tear shed from my eyes. He looked shocked, and he stood up off the wall, wrapping his arms around me, as I buried my head into the crook of his neck, my arms sliding around him.
“I am. You don’t know how much I am. But… have you seen evidence?” he said, stroking my hair, “I just don’t want you getting your hopes up and getting excited until you see that it’s real. That’s all.”
“Mikey is evidence,” I replied, pulling away from him slightly, so that my arms were still wrapped around his neck, “his eyes.”
He sighed, nodding slightly.
“Yeah… but still… Hard evidence is needed. Papers, pictures… that kind of thing,” he said.
I knew where he was coming from – he just didn’t want me crashing and burning.
“Let’s get inside. It’s freezing,” I said, smiling warmly at him. He grinned back, kissing me on the cheek then taking hold of my hand, leading me back in.

He got his evidence.
Some pictures, birth certificate, and a letter… a letter from her. I was amazed she still had it. It was over nineteen years old. It was yellowed, torn at the corners and tear-stained.
In the letter, she basically introduced herself, told her who she was… told her who she had with her. Me.
She told her what she had named me, and how I was doing.
Nothing more… no ‘sorry’, no regret in the way she wrote about everything.
I knew her.
“Uh… Sazzy?” Mikey mumbled, poking me in the shoulder. I turned to him, giving him my attention. He just spread out his arms, a smile on his lips. I accepted his hug, wrapping my own arms around him.
“You’re the best sister I could ever ask for.”
“And you and Gerard are the best brothers in the world.”