Battling the Loss You Live For.

“What do you mean…?” I asked, confused and tired.
“I just… miss you so fucking much. And I can’t do this anymore…” he mumbled. I could tell he was crying, and I hated it. I hated myself for letting him.
“You have to. F-For your Father,” I said, stuttering slightly. I took deep breaths, trying to calm down.
“He’s getting better. He can talk… just stutters. I think… I could do this, for the week. But that’s my limit. And its Wednesday,” he said, a chuckle echoing from the phone. He felt nervous.
“Frank?”
“Hmm?”
“You can do this… for more than a week. Think of how he’ll feel - he just gets better and his son runs off to some girl in the UK,” I explained, rubbing the stress lines at my forehead.
“You’re not just some girl. You’re the girl.”
If it was possible, my heart fluttered again, but plummeted at the same time. This was crazy.
“Our family motto,” he started, “for the Iero’s. It’s ‘never let go of what you want’. My Dad… he’d want me back there. He’ll tell me to go. I know him. I want to live up to my family, Sazzy. But I just don’t know what to do. …Are you following me?”
I sighed. I did get him - I think. He wanted to be with me, but with his Dad, too. And that’s breaking his motto in one way, whether he liked it or not. He couldn’t live up to it for me, but he could for his Dad. In my eyes, Frank should be there. Not here.
“You have to stay, Frank. For him.”
“I know. But… you. I need you. I’m dying, Sazzy,” he whispered, his voice catching in his throat. I whimpered, breaking down even more.
“We have to do this. You said. You did, Frank… I can’t… you-”
“I’m so sorry.”
And the phone went dead.
Crying, I dropped the phone on the floor, pulling out my cigarettes and lighting one up quickly. All these questions and thoughts where rushing around in my head - What the hell just happened? Are we fighting…? And the biggest one of all -
What is he going to do?
I heard a click and a scuffle, indicating that the front door had been opened. I sat still on the sofa, the cigarette hanging between my fingers.
“Sazzy?” I heard Charley call. I didn’t say a word. After a few seconds, he was at my side, a hand placed on the back of my head.
“Sazzy? What happened?” those words he spoke with the tone of his agitated, worried voice was all it took for me to bawl my heart out all over again. He pulled my head into his chest, removing the thin white stick from my fingers and placing it in the ashtray on the coffee table.
“Tell me,” he mumbled, rocking me back and forth, my head still pressed against him, his arms wrapped around me comfortingly.
“H-He… I don’t know!” I cried, burying my head into his shoulder instead of his chest. He ‘shh’-ed me, stroking my hair. I pulled away from him slightly.
“Where were you?!”
“I… It doesn’t matter,” he said, his eyebrows knitted together.
“Are you okay, Sazzy? You look really ill…” he said, his head cocked to the side. I shrugged. He wiped at my eyes for me, before pulling me into a hug.
“Everything will be okay, alright?” he mumbled into my hair, rubbing my back in a soothing way.
I couldn’t even find the strength and will to nod.

The next day was a Sunday. Thank God I didn’t have to work today. I lay in until midday, mulling over everything that had happened. It was all so confusing, it made my head spin.
Did me and Frank just break up...?
Fuck.
No way, we can’t do that. I can’t fucking live without him. No, he wouldn’t do that. Would he…?
|No.
A knock on my door broke my trail of thoughts, and I sat up, wiping my eyes and ruffling my hair.
“Yeah?” I called, my knees tucked under my chin, bringing the blanket up to me. Katie popped her head around the door, her long brown hair flowing down.
“I, uh, came to check on you. Are you alright…?” she mumbled, looking a little nervous. I raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah. I suppose. What’s up?”
“Charley is proper worried about you. I’m talking pacing and smoking, rubbing his head worried,” she claimed with all seriousness, stepping into my room and closing the door, leaning against it. She wrinkled her nose.
“It stinks of fags in here,”
I chuckled. “I’m fine… or I will be,”
“What happened?” she asked, walking over and sitting at the foot of the bed. I sighed.
“Me and Frank… well, I don’t even know myself,” I claimed, resting my head on my knees. She raised an eyebrow, motioning for me to continue.
“Well… he was saying he wants to come back…”
“That’s great!”
“No, it’s not! His Dad is ill,” I said, getting frustrated. She grumbled, rubbing her head.
“Fucking hell… well, carry on,”
“And I was telling him to stay there for his Dad, but he was all like ‘I want to come back’… what the hell am I bloody meant to do?! Then I was like, ‘your Dad needs you’… God, what a dumbass… and then it was all emotional and he said ‘I’m sorry’ and hung up!” I cried, waving my arms about, resting my hands in my hair after my little confession. Katie was quiet for a while.
“Sazzy. You fucking dick!”
I blinked.
“Uhh… what?”
“He wants to come back, and you… told him not to!” she cried, her eyes wide and shocked. I was so confused.
“I know… He’s needed there,” I explained, trying to make sense of everything.
“But he’s needed here, too! And he wants to be here!” she was getting really frustrated and eccentric, almost jumping up and down on the bed.
“Katie… I think you should chill or have a smoke or something,” I said warily. I didn’t want her breaking my fucking bed.
“No! What the hell, ahh! I got to go!” and she ran out the door in a flash, so fast I swear I just saw a blur of colors.