Battling the Loss You Live For.

“…Shine?!”
“And Ani,” the tone was emitting from lips that were shaped into a grin, and I could tell, even in the dark. I’d missed these two so much.
“You guys! What are you doing here?!” I cried, then realising the lateness of the hour, I hushed myself, ushering them in. I pushed them into the living room, closing the front door then the living room door behind me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, again, with excitement lacing my tone. I flicked the light on, forcing me to squint.
“Well, we thought that we’d visit our sister. I can’t believe you’re knocked up!” Shine said, in a low whisper, “I’m gonna be like, an aunty!”
I grinned as I attacked her in a hug, hearing Ani giggle, then join in.
“Hey, you guys are probably well knackered, so… I’ll just get you guys some blankets and stuff, and you can crash in here, is that alright?” I said, moving one of their bags to the side, and Shine took it off me, doing it for me.
“Yeah, Ani will help you,” she said, moving the rest of their things in a corner.
“I still can’t believe it… you’re huge, too!”

“Sazzy… Sazzy…? Wake up!”
“Mmph… go away,” I moaned, turning my head into the pillow.
“What the fuck happened last night?” Frank asked, pushing the warm covers off me.
“You bitch, it’s cold,” I gasped, pulling them back on, “why, what happened?”
“There’s some chick in the bathroom!” he said, in a low whisper.
“Oh!” I said, remembering what went down at four thirty in the morning, “Ani and Shine came!”
“Are you joking?” he said, in all seriousness.
“Not at all,” I said, grinning up at him.
“Aww, this is so cool!” he said, smiling at me. I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him forward, pecking him on the lips.
“You are so cute when you’re asleep,” I said, and he frowned slightly.
“Uhh… you’ve seen me asleep before, haven’t you?”
“I think only once or twice. You always wake up before me,” I said, that grin still plastered over my face. He smiled, too, kissing me softly.
“What time is it?” I asked, pushing him off me lightly, and sitting up.
“Ow!” I cried, as I felt like someone had pinched me on the inside of my stomach. Cramps, maybe?
“What? What’s wrong?” Frank said, immediately giving me all his attention, his hand on my shoulder. I looked down at my bump, my forehead creased in confusion, trying to suss out what was going on.
“Uh… nothing, I’m okay… I think I just got a cramp or something,” I said, shrugging it off. I had read about some ‘practise’ or ‘false contractions’ in some of the pregnancy books that I had been reading. The feeling I had kind of fit the bill, so maybe that was it?
“I’m just gonna go and pee,” I said, getting up as he nodded, standing up off the bed and he began to fix the sheets, making the bed.

By about three in the afternoon, Shine and Ani knew everything that had happened since the last time I had saw them. We’d told them all about the babies, everything from moving out of Linda’s house to getting our own, and my actual, proper biological family.
Frank had left quickly, going to a lecture and then to Eyeball.
“So… you have a full, normal, family? …With brothers?” Ani asked, dumbstruck. I nodded, giggling a little at her.
“Wow… Are they fit?”
“Ani!” Shine cried, hitting her around her head.
“Ow! I just asked,” she grumbled, rubbing the back of her head.
“Well, you can find out for yourself, they all come over here to hang out,” I said, checking the clock on the wall.
“All?” she asked, her forehead creased.
“Yeah… Sophii, Nyona, Mikey, Gerard, Matt, and Ray… they’re all my friends. Mikey and Gerard are my brothers,” I said, nodding to myself. I do that a lot…
“Sazzy! You’ll never guess what-!”
“Speak of the devil,” I said, a small smile on my face.
“Geetard!” I said, calling him into the room.
“Oh… err, hi!” Gerard said, feeling awkward.
“Gee, this is Shine and Ani, they’re like… my sisters from England,” I explained, and Ani and Shine grinned at him.
They all hugged and stuff, and we’d all kind of gathered around in the kitchen, Gerard explaining to Shine and Ani how we had found out we were related.
During all of that, I kind of felt… funny, I guess. I think it was the same thing that I had this morning, the pinching feeling. I kept getting this tightening feeling in my abdomen, and it didn’t really hurt, more or less ached. It kind of felt like it tensed, and then relaxed, like stretching or something. It was actually really painful. I ran all of the logical reasons of what it could be and why it was happening. It wasn’t the babies moving or kicking, I was really familiar of that feeling, and this wasn’t it. Maybe I ate too much and my digestive system was having trouble with it…?
No, no, no, this was definitely baby-orientated. I felt nauseous, achy, and in pain.
“-And then that’s when Sazzy… Sazzy, are you alright?” Gee said, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Huh…? I feel… where’s Frank?” I mumbled, feeling like I was going to throw up whenever I opened my mouth.
“Uh… it’s just past four thirty, he’s probably on his way back from Pompton Lakes… are you okay?”
“I feel sick. Ugh… I feel weird, like, my stomach’s tensing and stuff…” I explained, as the queasy feeling passed.
“Do you want me to ring Frankie?” he asked, his eyes worried and his tone concerned. I shook my head.
“Hey, it might be Braxton Hicks contractions,” Shine said, still in thought, “you have all the symptoms.”
“…What’s that?” I asked, as Ani passed me a glass of water.
“They call it ‘practise contractions’. So you get used to the feeling of labour and stuff, and it’s like your abdomen getting ready for birth.”
“…I don’t like it,” I grumbled, making Ani giggle.
“It’s gonna be worse when you’re in labour!”
My eyes widened. Realisation had hit me that I’d be having babies. Not just one baby, but two babies. I have to squeeze two fucking babies out of me!
The front door clicked open, Frank walking in, his denim jacket dusted with snow on the shoulders. He kicked off his converse, looking up and turning his head to his left, his eyes locking with mine.
“…What’s happened?” he asked, walking into the kitchen and smiling at everyone else.
“Labour… I’m gonna be, uh… in labour. I have… babies. Two…” I mumbled, scared. I was so scared. How the hell was I gonna do this?! Frank chuckled, and I looked over at him incredulously.
“It’s not funny! You don’t have to push two babies out of your-”
“Whoa, Sazzy, don’t say that in front of Ani!” Shine said, covering Ani’s ears, as she tried to swat them away.
“I swear… you two have these sudden, weird, like… baby epiphanies!” Gerard said, triumphant over his ‘awesome’ sentence. I gave him a look.
“How about you squeeze two babies out of your ass? Not just one, fucking two! Two!”
I shot him a glare, and he grinned cheerily, making me groan at him, “You’re gay!”
“Homophobe!”