Battling the Loss You Live For.

The next day, Sazzy, Marilyn and Dymian were discharged and allowed back home in full health. It was kinda weird, like the house used to feel not empty, but like, with a void, but that was filled with the guys always over. Now that two other tiny, innocent people had moved in with us, it felt like a home, and not just a house.
We set up everything now, the baby monitors, made the cots, and made sure everything was tidy before chaos hit. We even made all the washing was done and everything, and the fridge was stocked. Then again, it wouldn’t be for long with the guys practically living here, too…
“Hey… anyone home?” I heard Gerard whisper, and the door click shut softly.
“Yeah,” I called back, looking up at the door. Gerard walked through, smiling.
“So, feeling like a Dad?”
I looked down at the two kids in my arms, sleeping soundlessly, their tiny chests rising up and down as they inhaled and exhaled.
“More than ever.”
“Where’s Sazzy?” he asked, slumping next to me.
“Uh, sleeping, she’s so tired,” I said, moving my arms towards Gerard.
“Dude, can you take one of them, my arms are killing me.”
Gerard looked up at me, slightly baffled.
“Man, I don’t know how to hold a kid!” he cried quietly, slightly afraid.
“Oh, c’mon, man, they’re the first kids I’ve held. You just need to support their head with one arm… and then their body with the other. Here, take Marilyn,” I said, carefully moving my right arm towards Gerard. He held out his arms for her. I passed her over to him, and he immediately knew what to do.
“Ah, it’s not that bad…” Gee said, looking down fondly on Marilyn, “I can’t believe I’m an uncle.”
“I know. I can’t believe I’m a Dad,” I replied, smiling as Dymian yawned.
“I think they’re gonna wake up soon, they’ve been out for four hours…”
“Four hours? Is that it?” Gee said, his eyebrows scrunched.
“It’s only a nap. Where’s everyone else?” I asked, shifting slightly in my seat. I’ve literally been sitting here for like five hours in the same spot. I swear; my ass is as flat as fuck.
“Mikey’s on his way, he just did a morning shift at Eyeball. Nyona and Sophii are coming later on with Matt. Ray should be-”
“Hey, I’m here!” we heard Ray call out, and then make his way over to us.
“Aww, look at you both. You look like a gay couple,” Ray said, giggling slightly. Gee rolled his eyes.
“Ray, thank fuck, hold Dymian, I really need to pee,” I said, standing up and handing over Dymian to him carefully.
“Dude, have you not heard of a cot?”
“I can’t use the cots because the other end of the monitor is in our bedroom, and Sazzy’s a light sleeper,” I called out quietly as I made my way to the bathroom.
“I’m up, Frankie,” Sazzy said, stepping out of our bedroom, which was opposite the bathroom.
“Ah, babe, I’m sorry, did we wake you up?” I said, in a whisper. She was whispering…
“No, its okay…” she pushed me into the bathroom, locking the door after, “pee, then. I need to brush my teeth.”
“What do you wanna eat?”
“Don’t ask me that when you’re peeing, that’s rough,” Sazzy said, giggling as she closed the cabinet, toothbrush clutched in her hand.
“Are the kids still asleep?”
“Yeah, though I think they’re gonna wake up any minute. Do you… have to feed them again?” I said, washing my hands in the sink next to her.
“Yeah… you need to stop getting grossed out by that, Jesus, Frank,” she said, her voice muffled by her toothbrush, “its breastfeeding. It’s natural.”
“It’s freaky. Even I don’t… do that,” I said, grimacing as I closed the toilet lid after I flushed, sitting on it. She spat out toothpaste, laughing hysterically over the sink.
“Frank!”
“It’s true!” I said, fighting my laugh, dried my hands on the towel.
“Hey, guys, I’m fuckin’ hungry! And so are the kids, by the sounds of it, so hurry up,” Mikey cried. He’d made his arrival quiet.
“Why can’t you men cook?” Sazzy whispered, rolling her eyes as she carried on brushing her teeth.
“Cause… I’m a lazy sod! I’m a lazy so-d!” Mikey cried from the other side of the door, singing The Sex Pistols.
I walked out of the bathroom, laughing as I saw Mikey dancing to what would be the guitar music that would be playing during the song.
“I'm not a lazy snood… I'm a lazy sod!”
I burst out laughing, as he carried on messing around in the hallway, me laughing so loud that it forced Gerard to poke his head around the living room door.
“Alright, Ray. You’ve drugged Mikey again, haven’t you?” he said, shaking his head.
Things were definitely falling into place.
Finally.