It's Not Over

Sam stretched in bed and the book fell off her, she had read till the early moments of the morning. Not even remembering when she had put the book down. She remembered tears, and the pain that had sliced her gut.

She missed Jo so much it wasn’t funny anymore. She rolled out of bed and went about her daily routine, first thing she did was check the messages on Jo’s private answering machine, nothing. Then she ate breakfast and sat down on the balcony with a cigarette in her hand and the book in the other.

If he only knew, if he only knew that I wake up in the middle of the night with his name on my lips and his image in my head, he doesn’t know that I have to down painkillers to be able to sleep again, where he’s not haunting my dreams.

It was as if Sam’s own heart was breaking, she could see Jo writing this at her laptop her legs on the coffee table, a JD bottle on the table and the phone next to her, placed on ring just so she couldn’t miss a phone call from him.

She knew who she was talking about, maybe she shouldn’t have told Brian about the book, she was afraid what would happen. Her phone rang making her jump, she walked back into the apartment and put the book on the table.

She saw the caller ID and frowned. “Hello?” Sam said clearing her throat.

“Zacky’s reading,” the voice said back, the lisp a little bit more pronounced then before.

“Jimmy,” Sam whined, “Did you give him the book?”

“No, a fan asked him to autograph it, then another gave him her copy, I didn’t know it was out,” Jimmy said, racking his hand through his uncontrollable hair.

“I talked to the editor I couldn’t stop it from printing it’s what she wanted, wants.” Sam corrected herself.

“How is she?” Jimmy asked.

“The same no change,” Sam said.

“OK, well I should go before they notice I’m gone,” Jimmy said.

“Ok, take care of him, he needs it, I don’t think he’s ready for the book,” Sam said.

“I will,” Jimmy said, after he hung up he went in search of Zacky.

He was in the back room of the bus, two bottles of JD next to him empty. Jimmy picked up the open book and read.

How I wish I was good enough, but I know I’m not. He deserves better I know it, and everyone else will realize it, I hope it will not be too late.

He skipped ahead a few paragraphs...

I’m not whole, and unless I can find every part of me, I can’t be with him. So I’m doing it, I’m pushing him away. I can’t let him believe we have a future when I will ruin everything.

It was the last chapter Zacky had read before loosing himself in the bottles of JD that were on the floor. He grunted in his drunk stupor. Jimmy decided to leave him there for him to wake up by himself. He took the book and hid it in the back room.

He left the room and walked up front. Matt was sitting on the couch, “Did she really write another book?” Matt asked.

“Yes,” Jimmy said sitting opposite of him.

“He was bitching about it last night,” Matt said, taking a drink out of his water.

“What was he saying?” Jimmy asked, realizing he had slept through it.

“That it’s his fault,” Matt said.

“That damn fool,” Jimmy said under his breath.

“It’s my fault, if I had not told Dana where you guys were she would of never gotten into the car accident,” Matt said looking down.

“She didn’t do it out of carelessness, she saved someone’s life. You need to get that through your head, but I’ve wondered, why did you tell?” Jimmy studied Matt’s expression.

“I was jealous,” Matt admitted.

“Of what?” Jimmy asked.

“Of you guys,” Matt didn’t look up as he spoke.

“But, we’re just friends,” Jimmy said.

“That’s just it, I lost that. She’s awesome, I betrayed her trust, we weren’t suited romantically but we were awesome as friends. I just wish I never hurt her as much as I did,” Matt said.

“Read the book,” Jimmy said.

“What do you mean?” Matt looked up finally.

“Just read the book man,” Jimmy said as he decided to go for a walk, he zipped up his hoodie. Looked up at the sky and said to whoever was listening, it was time for Jo to wake up, she was screwing everyone up.