Come Back To Me

Zacky walked back over to Hollis, feeling utterly defeated. He had managed to lose the first girl that he had had a real connection with since Hollis. He sat down beside Hollis on the couch, not looking at her and not saying a word. Hollis looked at him out of the corner of her eyes and she could see on his face how broken Colleen had just left him. She moved closer to him on the couch, wrapping her arms around his waist, his body stiffening up as she touched him. She quickly pulled away and they sat together in an awkward, loaded silence as neither of them could think of something to say.

“I should go” Hollis said with a sniffle, prepping herself to stand up off of the couch. He reached out and placed a hand on her knee, causing her to stop and look at him.

“Don’t leave. Please stay.” He said in a broken voice, and Hollis knew that there was no way she could leave him.

She nodded, “All right. I’ll stay.” She leaned back into the couch, its softness seemingly enveloping her as she sat there, still unsure of what she was supposed to be doing. She looked at Zacky, who was sitting rigid on the sofa, not moving and if Hollis couldn’t see his chest clearly rising and falling, she would have sworn he was dead.

“I just can’t believe it” He said finally, turning towards her suddenly, making her jump a little bit. “Like, I thought she wasn’t like other girls. I didn’t think she would be a jealous or suspicious type…but I guess I was wrong.”

“Zacky. If she is willing to just let you go then she doesn’t deserve you. If she was willing to just walk away then she isn’t good enough. And I know I must sound like the biggest hypocrite, but…I still believe it. I don’t see myself as good enough for you though so I guess it's not too hypocritical. I consider myself lucky that you still want anything to do with me and if you decide that you want something, friendship or otherwise, with Colleen then she is lucky too."

"You make it sound like I'm such an amazing person. If you haven't forgotten I'm a 27 year old man who needs to share a bedroom with his roommate because I'm afraid of sleeping alone. I'm anxious about everything and it's taken me two years to even start talking to people like a normal person. I'm nothing that I would want part of. I'm just a walking, talking example of a failure of a person."

"That's not true Zacky. You're a veteran. You have medals and honors and you served our country bravely. You are a hero."

He scoffed at her, "A hero? Hollis, please. I got discharged because I couldn't function anymore. I saw everyone in my troop explode. They all died. That's not being a hero. That's being someone who's too weak to be in the army."

"Zacky, anyone who was in the war is a hero. No matter what. Brian was discharged to, honorably, the same way you were."

"Yeah, discharged with a purple heart. Maybe if I had a purple heart I could have a fiancee now too..." His voice trailed off.

"Zachary James Baker don't you sit there and feel sorry about yourself. You are an amazing man, a veteran, someone who anyone who would be happy to be with."

He scoffed again, "Yeah. That's why you left, that's why Colleen left, that's why there hasn't been any other women in my life in years. I'm a mess and you know it."

"You're not" She said, shaking her head and placing a hand on his knee and squeezing it lightly, "I left for the same reason Colleen did, I'm stupid. I was stupid. I still am."

He shook his head, "You're not. You did what you thought what was right. And it sucked but I guess maybe you were right. Brian's happily engaged now and I...was doing okay." He turned to meet her eyes, "I really did love you, you know that right?"

She nodded, "I did. Which is why I knew I was hurting you being with Brian."

"But I thought you left because you were in love with both of us."

"I was. And I guess part of me still is." She said sheepishly, looking down at her feet. "I never could get either of you from my head Zacky. I called your new psychiatrist every week to see how you were doing, just so it seemed that I was still in your life."

"I never knew that"

"You weren't supposed to. I was supposed to get out of your life so you could get better. I knew that you knowing I was still around wouldn't go any good."

He shook his head, "No, it would have helped so much. I would have known that I wasn't just acting like an idiot for having you in my thoughts all the time. I would have known that someone else was in my corner cheering me on."

She squeezed his knee again, "I'm here now. You can know that. I'm in your corner Zacky," She said with a smile.

He was quiet for a moment before standing up and taking a few steps back, "Hollis you can't do this."

"Do what?" She asked, clearly confused.

"Act like you weren't and aren't in love with my best friend who just got engaged. I know that I will probably always have feelings for you, but I'm not going to be your fall back. You can't just act like I'm not your only option left."

She was silent.

"See? I'm right. Hollis I'm not an idiot. I'm lonely but not an idiot. I do love you and I don't doubt that you still have feelings for me, but..." He shook his head, "I refuse to let myself just be the Plan B"

"I'm not doing that Zacky."

"Hollis." He said simply, which served to silence her and in essence, make her realize that he was right.

She looked up at him and shook her head, "I'm sorry. I guess it's just been a really emotional week for me and I guess I just don't want to handle it alone. But believe me when I say that my feelings for you have never gone away. And I will prove to you that you wouldn't just be a plan b for me."

He smiled slightly at her "challenge" "All right" He replied simply, "You're welcome to try."