Alone This Holiday

As we pulled up in the driveway, the first thing we heard was a gunshot. Out of shock, we naturally, dropped to the ground, incase the shooter was outside. After a few minutes we got the guts to stand up. We rushed inside, that’s when we saw a sight we hadn’t expected, or wanted.

Luke was lying on the ground, his brains blown out with a gun in his right hand. The sight made my stomach turn, and the younger Baker brother, was throwing up in the garden outside. We got our thoughts together, and called the police, and an ambulance. Hours later, we’d been questioned at the police station, and were thanked for our co-operation.

A note had been found, it was a suicide. He knew he was in trouble. He knew it, and killed himself.

Zacky broke the news to Anna, while I got the kids all bathed in bed. When I went into the living room Anna was lying in her brothers arms, crying in her sleep. When Zacky lifted his head up, I could see he, too, was crying.

“Why is everything so fucked up, Man? I miss the way things used to be. When you and Anna were still married, without the cheating, and we used to all be so happy,” I nodded, remembering those days. Wishing that things were still that easy.

If they were, Anna and I would be happily married, raising six beautiful kids. The band wouldn’t be having problems because Zacky and I wouldn’t be fighting at all. Things would be amazing.

“I’m sorry, Zacky. It’s my fault, I know it is. I’m so sorry,” Zacky shifted his sister off him, and lay her on the couch gently before embracing me in a hug. We wrapped our arms around each other, in the manliest way possible, of course.

“It’s okay, Brian. It’s okay,” Matty came around the corner, looking a little less pale. Zacky and I pulled apart, and I turned to Matty.

“Feeling okay?” I asked.

“I think so,” We went to the back veranda, where the three of us started to smoke. I looked at the cigarette and shook my head; I was doing what Luke had done, I was killing myself with these things. That’s when I put it out and decided to give it up, for good. The guys left a few hours later, to get some sleep while I put Anna into my bed and set up a make-do bed on the couch for me.

Not long after three am, I felt myself being shaken awake and Anna sitting right next to me. Her makeup was smudged, her hair looked dirty and messy; yet she still managed to look beautiful. It wasn’t until my eyes focused well that I saw she was still crying. The husbandly instinct inside of me immediately sat up and hugged her while the voice in the back of my head was insisting I shouldn’t be doing that.

“I had a dream, he was there, and he… the things he said, and did…” She broke out into fresh tears. After a few minutes she pulled back and wiped at her eyes. “I need a shower. I can I get a towel?” Nodding I went to the cupboard and pulled out a bath towel for her, and another one incase she wanted to wash her hair, which she needed to.

I realised I wasn’t getting any sleep anytime soon, so I went and checked on the kids, to find Riley laying wide awake and gurgling to herself. She was grasping her toes with her hands and attempting to chew her toes.

“What’re you going, Riley?” I cooed softly, careful not to awaken the others. She let go and held her arms out to me, I picked her up and quickly took her out of the bedroom when she started to say ‘bah’ over and over again rather loudly. Connah let out a cry before going back to sleep. I got Riley a bottle, and started to feed it while she tried to hold onto it herself, but I kept on holding onto it as I knew she couldn’t on her own yet.

By the time she was finished the bottle, Anna was wearing clean clothes and smelling nice. She was sitting next to us, looking at our baby girl while Riley watched us back, occasionally making a cute noise or saying ‘bah’.

“It’s hard to believe that seven months ago, we weren’t sure how many kids we’d be taking home from the hospital,” Anna muttered, her mouth millimetres from my ear.

“Yeah, we were only supposed to have three. But nope, Riley decided to show up,” I smiled. “Best thing that ever happened, I say,” Anna nodded in agreement. We talked for what only seemed to be about twenty minutes but it was really a few hours as Scotty woke up and wandered out to us. “Hey Scotty,”

“Hi Mummy, hi Daddy,” He said, wiping the sleep from his eyes then sitting on Anna’s lap.

“How about I make some pancakes?” Anna suggested, standing up and letting Scotty down on the ground.

“Erm, which might be an issue. I’ll go to Wal-Mart and get some stuff,” I told them, standing up and getting Riley ready to go into town for a bit.

When we got home Anna made the pancakes while I got all the kids up and ready for the day ahead, and trust me, that’s a hard effort to have six kids ready in about half an hour. Holding Zach I couldn’t help but smile as Connah was sitting up by his self and laughing at Scotty as they played a game. My family seemed to be coming together, again.

I really wasn’t sure of what was going on. But one thing I knew was that this is how I wanted my life to be. To have my six kids, my wife, two dogs and a big house. I was willing to give everything and anything up to have my life this way.