Alone This Holiday

It took Anna a few weeks to get, well not over, but adjusted to what’d happened. A few times she’d still wake up next to me sobbing, and would curl up next to me. I’d try to say something to make her feel better, but it very rarely worked. Often she’d just cry in her sleep. But it was getting better.

Zacky and I were close again, it was like nothing had come between us. We decided we’d take some more time off, not much, before starting to record the next album. Val and Gena were both expecting, so everyone agreed it was best to take time off while they were pregnant. Our theory was that they had a foursome. But they didn’t know that little theory.

Val was due about seven days before Gena, though and they were both about three months. Matt was over the moon, he’d always wanted a little kid; even when Val had a pregnancy scare when they were about seventeen he was happy. Zacky on the other hand is a little nervous. He’s seen Anna give birth; he knows he’s going to be yelled at. But as I told him, holding your kid for the first time is the most amazing experience of your life.

I dropped Scotty off at school, and Aedan off at pre-school before going to the shops to do some more Christmas shopping. It was fast approaching, it was nearly a month away. To say the least buying for six kids, all the guys, their partners, your parents, siblings, their partners, their kids, your cousins, aunts, uncles; it was a tiring thing to do.

While none of the extended family expected presents, I felt that I should. I spend about 90% of the time either on tour, or in the studio. I’ve missed weddings, funerals, christenings and birthdays just for my career. So it’s kinda like me trying to apologise every year. Anna said she had all her shopping done already, it was at her house.

“Brian?” I turned around at my name being called. Michelle stood there, in some nice jeans and a short sleeved shirt. “Wow you look great,” We hugged and she spoke, “Haven’t seen you in ages,”

“Yeah, it’s been too long,” I agreed. “What’ve you been doing with yourself?”

“Mostly just working,” She laughed. “And I got engaged the other week,” Michelle smiled, showing me the ring.

“Wow, congratulations,” Her and Val were so alike; both would die in a heartbeat for any of us. Michelle and I used to be rather close, not in a sexual way, just a friendship way. It sucked that we hadn’t seen each other in so long, I was genuinly happy to see her.

“So what’s going on with you? How’re the kids?” We started to talk, as I waited in the layby que. Once I paid, I insisted I get her coffee and we catch up some more. Starbucks was looking quiet so we went there. Then she planted the big question, “So are you and Anna together or not?”

Shrugging I answered, “To be honest, I don’t know,”

“Do you love her?”

“Always have, always will,”

“Does she love you?” Michelle asked, before turning to the waitress. “I’ll get a tall latte, with a shot of caramel,”

“Same,” I shrugged, not really minding; coffee is coffee. “I don’t know if she loves me or not. She’s sending me so many mixed signals. One minute she’s making plans to move back to her place, and the next we’re, well, you know,” I said, hinting at us having sex.

“Wow, that’s really mixed. How’re the kids taking it all?”

“The sex? Michelle, they don’t know about sex-“

“No, I meant, how’re they taking you and Anna being together but not?” She sighed, laughing at me sorta at the same time. “You’re silly,” She got out her phone and sent a message before closing it.

“Confused, well Scotty is more then Aedan,”

“Well you need to sort it out before they become any more confused. It’s not fair on them,”

I agreed completely with Michelle. Anna and I needed to talk about this. But part of me wasn’t sure if I’d like the outcome of the conversation.