Alone This Holiday

"I can't just sit here," A growl escaped my throat and I punched the wall in the police station. I could feel everyone flinch as my fist made the connection with the white plastered wall. Val came to my side, placed a hand on the my upper back and another on my now lightly bleeding hand.

She sighed, "Brian, they're doing everything they can," Val promised, leading me back to the seats.

"I thought she liked me, genuinly. S-she just wanted to h-hurt me..." Sobs escaped my body, and I shook with each one. Estelle was dragged from the inteview room, an evil smile on her face, enough to make my skin crawl. I had to stop the Baker brother's from lunging at Estelle there and then, they tried to shove their way past me, but somehow I managed to stop them from beating Estelle to a bloody pulp. The police officer's informed us that Estelle had confessed to everything to a friend, who came to the police instantly; Estelle had paid the busdriver to crash into Anna's car, then took Connah herself. But the one thing I wanted to be told was that she's confessed as to where she had taken my son, but she didn't.

"Brian, we're gonna go to the hospital. Do you want a ride?" Val asked, ignoring her I left the police station. I took the quickest path I could to the beach where I collapsed in the sand on my knee's. Tear's rolled down my cheek's at a rapid rate, before I could wipe them away they were falling off my face and away from me. I knew deep down this was all my fault; if I hadn't have cheated on Anna I wouldn't have made her miserable, I wouldn't have assumed she'd cheated on me, we wouldn't have broken up, I wouldn't have met Estelle again, she wouldn't have rememebered what I'd done to her at high school and her friends, and revenge wouldn't have occured. I looked out to the water, it struck me as to how big it was, how easy you could get lost in it and never be seen again by anyone.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was standing knee high in the water, and being hit by waves. But I kept on walking, kept on getting hit by the strong waves, and continued to think about everything that had been going on. Connah's face came into my head, his body so small and so frail, him crying, him shaking with fear.

Tear's kept on coming, even when I thought I'd cried enough to make the ocean rise by twenty metres. Suddenly I realised that I was chest high in water, instead of stopping, I started to swim further out, until I felt something dragging me down.

The waved crashed down on me, and pain darted through my lungs, causing me to yell into the water, to no one, yet I knew that someone would hear me.

I didn't want anyone to hear me, I didn't want anyone to find me. I wanted to die, so I could see my son, and apologise for letting him down. So I could apologise for not being a better man.