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I sat there, alone, on the edge of the river. The sun was beginning to rise in the east, before the clouds covered it. I held out my hand and watched the ruby and diamond sparkles dance off of my skin. I sighed and began to let my thoughts wonder over these last few weeks.

Jake's funeral helped me move past my numbness. It was the best way for me to say goodbye to him. The wake, however, was something I was not going to go through. Jake wasn't there and I couldn't be doing with all the pity from all the people that would surely be there. Instead I went back to the cottage and sat in front of the fire, morbidly wondering - again - what it would be like if I stuck my hand in there.

Edward's entrance startled me, I must have been so wrapped up that I didn't even notice him walk in. His arms slid around my waste and pulled me close. His velvet voice was in my ear.

"Bella, love. Please speak to me. The suspense is driving me insane. I can't stand to see you unhappy, please speak to me." He rest his head on my shoulder, his breathing uneven.

His voice broke in the strangest places and I realized he was in pain. This hurt me again. I knew I deserved all this pain, for being so selfish. I deserved to feel pain over a loss because the battle was in fact my fault. But I had never dreamed that loosing Jacob would hurt me so much, even when I was stone. I deserved pain for being so selfish and I deserved to suffer alone, I didn't want to feel more pain over Edward's. Although I deserved it, I couldn't stand to have him suffer.

I turned around and sat on his knee. I stared into his golden honey eyes and found myself getting lost in them. I knew I couldn't survive without Edward and I needed to let him know that. I needed him to know just how much I truly loved him, more than anyone else in the world loved another being. I loved him in such a desperate way and I was hurting him.

I had tried this a few times with Zafrina and found myself to be rather unsuccessful. But when I was staring into the beautiful, agonized eyes of my husband I was sure I would be able to do this.

He was about to begin speaking when I placed my hand over his mouth and shook my head. I then moved my hand up to his temples and my other hand followed. I closed my eyes and begin to concentrate. I felt myself forcing my shield away from my head, it was unexpectedly heavy, like lifting the weight of the Earth on my shoulders.

I heard Edward gasp and I knew it was working, I allowed my mind to be filled with memories, our memories. The first time I saw his eyes, the first time we touched, the first time he took me to our meadow, the first time we kissed. I remembered the way he looked when he was standing waiting to marry me and how truly happy I felt. I then imagined all the wonderful memories we shared on Esme's beautiful island and how right it felt when he touched our baby. All these memories were cloudy, as I was seeing and hearing them through human senses. I started going through all the memories of my vampire life, His breathing became ragged and tugged at the roots at hair as I remembered the first passionate unguarded kiss and the first night we made love...

I lost my train of thought as his lips crushed hungrily against mine. I laughed slightly, I felt a glimmer of hope and happiness.

"I heard you, but how? How was you able-"

I cut him off.

"I love you so much Edward and although I'm hurting right now, it's wrong for you to as well. I needed to let you know that although I've lost a part of me, there's so much of me that loves you more than anything else in this world. More than anyone loves anything in this world. Edward your my everything and I can't bear to see you hurting."

His eyes smoldered and he brought his lips back to mine. I kissed him briefly and then pulled away.

"Where's Renesmee, I haven't been much of a mother lately. Perhaps I should -"

"She's at the house, love. Believe me, she doesn't think your failing her. She misses Jacob and she knows you do too. She just wants you to be happy again. We shouldn't go now, she's asleep. We'll go see her in the morning if you wish, but for now, maybe you need tending too."

He began to incline his head to mine, his eyes excited. I couldn't blame him really, I wanted him more than he knew, but somehow it just didn't feel right. So I kissed him back and then stood up. I was hurt by the expression on his face.

"I haven't hunted in so long, perhaps it's best if I do that first."

He agreed and stood up, taking me by the hand and we darted off into the forest.

---

I stared at the sun, the clouds had now started forming. Six weeks ago we had laid Jacob Black to rest and it was six weeks ago that I'd shut out the world and began torturing myself.

I looked back over these last few weeks, I looked back over the faces of my family and friends. Renesmee had grown so much more and looked about 4 years old now. She was so beautiful and was beginning to be happy. Of course sometimes she couldn't help but remember Jacob. I remembered people getting there lives back on track. The Quileute's - except Billy - were beginning to be there usual selves. Seth said that it would have been how Jake would have wanted it, nothing should have changed because of him. He would have told them all to give it a rest, he's fine. The thought almost made me laugh out loud, it was just like Jake. Then finally I remembered Edward grow more and more concerned and rejected as I refused to touch him. It didn't feel right, giving into my needs. Of course, I wanted to touch him, to taste him but I couldn't make it fit right in my head. I needed to find myself again, to stop mourning and grieving, to be able to fully enjoy the feeling of our bodies connecting together. I felt too ashamed to say this to him and heaven only knows what he thought the reason behind my distance was.

I stood up fluently and started, normal pace, towards to forest again. I began to think about how I'd overcome my grief and mourning over the past few weeks. After that one long speech with Edward, I slowly started to regain the power to talk again. It felt odd, when happy emotions over powered me, and then I would go quiet again, feeling guilty. Then I became more aware of the people around me, I joined in conversations, helped take care of Renesmee and slowly, I began to feel less and less guilty about feeling normal. Seth was constantly reminding that Jake would be kicking me into gear if he was here.

All this - and the constant look of rejection on Edward's face - forced me to realize that I was finished mourning. Jacob would never leave my heart, but I couldn't keep holding onto him. I had a family and a family that needed taking care of. Starting with Edward.

I was half way through the forest when I started running, I was able to enjoy the speed now that I was over my grief and knew what I was about to do. I began pushing myself harder, watching as the clouds turned all the wonderful jade plants into deep green forest. I bounced over rocks and swung on trees as I tried to lift my sudden happy mood with as much effort as possible. I skid to a stop when I reached the house and flung the door open in my excited mood. I looked around my small house looking for my angel faced husband.

"Edward," I called breathlessly, though the reason for this was not from running but my anxious.

He turned up in the same second that I called his name, concern dominant on his features.

"Where's Renesmee?" I had to be responsible and I did not want my daughter around when I was feeling like this.

"Back at the house, I was just coming to find you. Love, what's wrong?"

Perfect.

"It's just when I was by the river, I realized something and I needed to tell you straight away."

He looked concerned and waiting for me to carry on, he took two careful steps towards me. I looked into his eyes.

"I'm finished grieving Edward, I want my happily ever after to start. I want you."

His eyes suddenly became bright and excited and he crossed the room swinging me up into his arms and cradling me protectively. I began to kiss him with such passion the whole house could and burned down and I wouldn't have cared.

I knew now, kissing Edward like this, that my reverie had proved me right. Of course I would never forget Jacob but that didn't mean that I had to put my whole life on hold. Being with Edward like this was like recovering from a serious injury. The relief was overwhelming and I felt my self grip at him tighter.

We entered the bedroom, never breaking the kiss. And then we continued blissfully into this small but perfect piece of our forever.

The End