Broken

After my chat with Allyson I took a few more minutes to compose myself and then, in order to calm myself down, I did what most other girls do when they're upset. I went shopping, and I was going to spend a lot.

By the end of my trip round the mall I maxed out two different cards, one for Zack to pay off and the other for Matt, my own personal way of making then pay for the hell I was about to endure for them. My hands were laded with different bags from all the different shops I'd been into as I left the mall. I walked outside and found myself a nice little bench to sit everything on before digging in my pocket for my phone to call Zack.

"Hey babe, look I'm sorry about earlier. We only want to protect you." he answered, knowing it was me from the caller ID.

"It's okay, I forgive you. I need you to come pick me up." I asked quietly, hoping he wouldn't be []too mad about my little trip.

"Sure. Where are you? I'll leave now." I heard shuffling and whispered voices as though he'd covered the phone and was talking to the guys. I then heard the sound of keys scraping across the table as he picked them up.

"I'm kinda at the mall. I went shopping and bought some stuff." I bit my lip waiting for him to ask how much I'd spent.

"Okay, cool. I'll be right there. Love you." He sounded quiet happy, probably because I wasn't angry with him for the decision he shared with Matt. I wasn't really counting the rest of the guys in the situation, sure they were my friend but they only ever gave their opinions, Zack and Matt made the final choice, I knew it.

"Love you too." I smiled as the words left my mouth before sitting down on the bench next to my new stuff to wait for him.

♥♦♥♦♥♦♥

"Hey, you do realise Val is gonna murder you when she finds out you went shopping without her, right?" Zack smiled jokily as he walked over to me and kissed my cheek before grabbing most of the bags while I got the rest.

"Yeah probably.. but I needed some time alone. You know." The smile faded from his face as he put the bags in the boot of the car. He bit his bottom lip slightly before turning around to face me.

"Jen I know you don't want to see a doctor and I completely understand why. So..." He sighed before continuing. "So if it's really going to make you this uncomfortable or put this amount of strain on you then you don't have to go." Matt definately didn't know about this decision. I remembered Allyson's advice about not letting my past control me and swallowed my fear before answering.

"I'll go." He looked up from the ground to me shocked. "If you think it's what's best for me then I'll go. It'll be hard, but I can see that this is putting us under pressure and I really don't want to loose you. I don't think I could handle it."

"Jen I would never leave you." He argued, placing a hand on my cheek.

"But you would. You may not think it now but eventually you're gonna get sick of babysitting me.. And that's exactly what you're doing Zack. I love you too much to let it get that far. I hate disappearing and then coming home to see the fear and pain in your eyes, I hate what I'm doing to you and to everyone else around me. I want it to stop and like you said, this is the only way we know how."

He didn't answer but instead pressed his lips onto mine softly before pulling me into a tight hug. "Thank you Jen."

"There's more." I closed my eyes, preparing myself for what I was about to do. He pulled away slightly, waiting for me to continue. "I don't want to go to therapy sessions or appointments once a week, if I'm gonna do this, I'll do it right." He looked confused. "I'm going back to Lakeview."

"Wait, what?" He pulled away from me, his brow creased as he processed what I was telling him. "Lakeview? Arizona? Jen you can't be serious."

"I am, Lakeview's the reason I've been terrified of hospitals, it's time it was the reason for me not being afriad anymore." I explained.

"Let's just get home, we'll talk about it there." He nodded at his own words before turning and getting into the car. I sighed before going around to the other side and getting in.