Sequel: Save Tonight ›
Status: Finished with sequel (:
Not Exactly What it Seems
Not Exactly What it Seems 7
I wanted to take her, but there was no way I could go myself. Things were not getting better and were probably getting worse. With every day that passed, I wanted more and more to leave it all behind because I just couldn't take it anymore. Why they would put me through that, I would never understand.
I thought I liked Mr. Haner, but I decided that he was dead to me when he decided to have partner projects in English class. As he went down the line of assigned partners, I became more and more aware of what he was doing. And then he said the pair I was dreading:
“Hayden Dunmarr, you will be partnered with Onyx Devearaux.” He really had to pair me up with Hayden didn’t he? I knew why he did that, I knew that he wanted me to befriend him. But I just couldn’t do it. It would hurt Hayden far too much, so after class I complained to Mr. Haner.
“You hate me, don’t you?” I asked in a whiny voice. “You know I can’t do this. You know what it’s going to be like for me and yet you don’t care.”
“You know for a fact that I don’t hate you and that I do care. But you need a friend and Hayden seems to be your best bet. You deserve to have someone you can trust.”
“But you-”
“I am a teacher at your school. I cannot be an adequate friend for you while you are my student. Mainly because if someone said something, I could get fired. I would not like that very much and I would like to think that you would not want that to happen either.”
“I know, but I still want to leave him alone for his own sanity. He doesn’t deserve a sucky friend like me.”
“Just try it for me and see what happens. Now get to class so I don’t get in trouble. And please try to be optimistic about this; he’s a good student so you shouldn’t have a problem getting this project done.”
Because I was such a stubborn person, I left the room without another word of thanks or goodbye to my favorite teacher. I knew that we could never really be friends because he was my teacher, but I hated the fact that he made it a point to inform me of my lack of real friends on a regular basis. As if I did not know my life was a pathetic joke. That was something I knew all too well. Though I guess I could understand his concern, I didn’t feel it necessary, but whatever he felt compelled to tell me.
Hayden was waiting for me by my locker to walk with me to our next class which added to my vexation. He wanted to know when I could work on the project, would Wednesday after school work?
“Umm, I guess that’s okay,” I replied with a sigh. “I’ll have to check to make sure I’m free, but I think that’ll work.” He did not seem to realize my reluctance at spending any more time than necessary with him, so I figured that was a good thing anyway.
“Do you want to do it at my house or your house or somewhere completely different?” He was trying to be helpful and I knew that, but the petty questions were not something I wanted to deal with at the time.
Taking a deep breath, I expelled all of my dark thoughts to answer in the nicest way possible. “It really doesn’t matter to me, where ever you feel is adequate is perfectly fine. Just tell me where I need to be and when I need to be there and I will be there.”
With that said, he seemed to be satisfied and so I was required to say no more. What was my appeal? I don’t want to sound full of myself, but why did he feel it necessary to try so hard? It was like I was asking Nathanial, what did he see in me? Did he believe that there was something there that wasn’t? Or something that I didn’t see? Because I could not find anything that would draw either of them to me. Maybe my status would draw Nathanial in, but he knew about my double life so I couldn’t imagine how that could be the case. And Hayden didn’t even know my status so that obviously was not it for him.
It was decided by Hayden that we would work at his house on Wednesday after school to get our English project done. I had nothing else to do anyway so it was fine with me; it was just a little disconcerting to actually have to do something with him outside of school even though it was for school. I was still trying really hard to make a conscious effort so that Mr. Haner would get off my back about not having any friends. Like I really wanted to be a loner all of my life, I was so sure.
I thought I liked Mr. Haner, but I decided that he was dead to me when he decided to have partner projects in English class. As he went down the line of assigned partners, I became more and more aware of what he was doing. And then he said the pair I was dreading:
“Hayden Dunmarr, you will be partnered with Onyx Devearaux.” He really had to pair me up with Hayden didn’t he? I knew why he did that, I knew that he wanted me to befriend him. But I just couldn’t do it. It would hurt Hayden far too much, so after class I complained to Mr. Haner.
“You hate me, don’t you?” I asked in a whiny voice. “You know I can’t do this. You know what it’s going to be like for me and yet you don’t care.”
“You know for a fact that I don’t hate you and that I do care. But you need a friend and Hayden seems to be your best bet. You deserve to have someone you can trust.”
“But you-”
“I am a teacher at your school. I cannot be an adequate friend for you while you are my student. Mainly because if someone said something, I could get fired. I would not like that very much and I would like to think that you would not want that to happen either.”
“I know, but I still want to leave him alone for his own sanity. He doesn’t deserve a sucky friend like me.”
“Just try it for me and see what happens. Now get to class so I don’t get in trouble. And please try to be optimistic about this; he’s a good student so you shouldn’t have a problem getting this project done.”
Because I was such a stubborn person, I left the room without another word of thanks or goodbye to my favorite teacher. I knew that we could never really be friends because he was my teacher, but I hated the fact that he made it a point to inform me of my lack of real friends on a regular basis. As if I did not know my life was a pathetic joke. That was something I knew all too well. Though I guess I could understand his concern, I didn’t feel it necessary, but whatever he felt compelled to tell me.
Hayden was waiting for me by my locker to walk with me to our next class which added to my vexation. He wanted to know when I could work on the project, would Wednesday after school work?
“Umm, I guess that’s okay,” I replied with a sigh. “I’ll have to check to make sure I’m free, but I think that’ll work.” He did not seem to realize my reluctance at spending any more time than necessary with him, so I figured that was a good thing anyway.
“Do you want to do it at my house or your house or somewhere completely different?” He was trying to be helpful and I knew that, but the petty questions were not something I wanted to deal with at the time.
Taking a deep breath, I expelled all of my dark thoughts to answer in the nicest way possible. “It really doesn’t matter to me, where ever you feel is adequate is perfectly fine. Just tell me where I need to be and when I need to be there and I will be there.”
With that said, he seemed to be satisfied and so I was required to say no more. What was my appeal? I don’t want to sound full of myself, but why did he feel it necessary to try so hard? It was like I was asking Nathanial, what did he see in me? Did he believe that there was something there that wasn’t? Or something that I didn’t see? Because I could not find anything that would draw either of them to me. Maybe my status would draw Nathanial in, but he knew about my double life so I couldn’t imagine how that could be the case. And Hayden didn’t even know my status so that obviously was not it for him.
It was decided by Hayden that we would work at his house on Wednesday after school to get our English project done. I had nothing else to do anyway so it was fine with me; it was just a little disconcerting to actually have to do something with him outside of school even though it was for school. I was still trying really hard to make a conscious effort so that Mr. Haner would get off my back about not having any friends. Like I really wanted to be a loner all of my life, I was so sure.