Mad as a Hatter, Thin as a Dime

“And forever means even less than your tongue meant to articulate!”

The crowd roared enthusiasm, not quite singing along with the closing lines of the foreign song. Kyra smiled out, white teeth tinged slightly purple from the colored lights beating the stage with heat and intensity. She and the rest of Feign Eloquence bid the crowd a final goodnight before walking into the wings and exhaling their onstage musical high. She thanked a crew member for the new bottle of water they handed her and began to walk slowly out of the venue.

She spotted John, Kennedy and Pat from The Maine in the buses parking lot, and quickly swore under her breath before ducking into the shadows to avoid them. They were lovely people, she’d enjoyed getting to know them, but they did come on a little too strong, and they all paid her a bit too much attention. Even she, the socialite that she could be, could only take so much. She took a peek at the three again, just in time to see Kennedy check his watch, widen his eyes, and the three of them take off for the venue.

She wondered vaguely why they were heading back, considering their set had ended before hers had, but mainly she was just thankful that she’d managed to escape unnoticed. Pulling out her phone, she quickly typed in her sister’s number, the only number she knew by heart. She let it ring for a minute or so, but when she reached message bank she just hung up. She’d hardly seen Vesper lately, and she was worried. Her sister wasn’t the most emotionally stable person in the world, but usually Kyra was able to take care of her. Lately she just seemed to have disappeared, and Kyra didn’t know what to do. It was beginning to stress her out.

The bus was quiet when she got there, the only sound being the running water of the shower, but that quickly came to a halt and Benji left the bus with a smile in some fresh clothes with dripping wet hair. Kyra considered going to bed, but she still seemed too energetic to think about lying still. She got changed into some non-sweaty clothes and jogged out the back gate to the tour bus parking lot, considering herself lucky to hail a cab pretty quickly.

“Where to, love?” the skinny cab driver asked casually, cigarette sticking out of his lips.

“A beach,” Kyra replied. “Any beach.”

“Sure thing. You ain’t the first one from these parts to ask me that tonight,” the driver told her as he began driving along a winding road. “Brought a boy there just now. Picked ‘im up about the same place as you.”

At first Kyra wondered if it could have been anyone she knew, but Panic! were onstage now and she’d seen most of The Maine before she’d snuck out. The rest of the drive was quiet, the only sound being the steady hum of the radio. Kyra was startled by her own voice on the radio for one song. She didn’t listen to commercial radio that much. She bit her lip as she listened to the words she sang, before trying to ignore it and looking out the window, crossing her eyes to blur the streetlights.

“Here y’are, love.”

She handed the driver a little more money than necessary, telling him to keep the change as she got out of the yellow car. He thanked her before driving off, and she slipped off her shoes before making her way to the sandy lookout atop the dunes. The salty dusk air flew from the ocean to her skin, and she closed her eyes and smiled at the feeling of being free as the wind danced in her red hair.

After a minute or two she opened her eyes, looking out over the dark water, and then along the shore. There was only one other person nearby, sitting on the sand below her. Even from a distance, the figure looked familiar, and Kyra was determined to find out if it was who she thought it was. She left the lookout and walked down to the beach, the sand refreshing and cool on her bare feet.

“Ryan?” she called, when she was about ten meters from him, but she got no response. She began to wonder if she was wrong, simply deranged after all.

“Ryan?”

The boy’s head turned this time, proving that it was indeed who she thought it was. He looked very surprised to see her.

“Kyra?”

“Hey,” she smiled, sitting down beside him.

“H-hey. How are you here?”

She seemed to have caught him in a vulnerable state. A bit befuddled. Out of it.

“Um, I caught a cab?” she laughed. “Like I’m guessing you did too? Did you have a cab driver who spoke a bit like a pirate?”

He smiled a bit and nodded, starting to gather himself together.

“Good show tonight, by the way,” he said, looking out towards the ocean. “I caught most of it. You’ve come up with lots of new songs lately. I noticed.”

“Thanks,” she smiled slightly awkwardly. “Speaking of shows… shouldn’t you be onstage right now?”

“Uh yeah…” he mumbled. “I wasn’t feeling very well. Kennedy’s filling in for me.”

“Oh.”

That explained it.

A soft silence settled upon the two. Ryan seemed to have no desire to break it. Instead, he stood up and walked to the water’s edge, spinning a smooth stone in his hand that Kyra only just realized had been there the whole time. She followed him, more fidgety in this silence than he seemed to be.

“So, uh…” she began, starting on the only subject she could think of. “How’s Vesper been? I haven’t really seen her much lately…”

“That makes two of us,” Ryan said lowly, looking at the stone in his fingers. “I’ve hardly spoken to her in weeks.”

“What?” Kyra asked, slightly startled. She’d assumed her sister had been hanging out with Ryan, like she had been for most of the tour. “Where’s she been then?”

“With Garrett I suppose,” Ryan answered, his tone close to a sneer. “They’ve become extremely close in the couple of weeks that they’ve known each other.”

“You don’t like him?” Kyra observed; it wasn’t really a question.

“No it’s not that…” he backtracked. “It’s… it’s not him. It’s nothing.”

As much as Ryan would have liked to blame Garrett for his growing apart from Vesper, he knew that the crack in their foundation had appeared before the other guy had come along. He remembered exactly when. That time Vesper had that strange breakdown in the bathroom of their shared hotel room. Ever since then there’d been something, some kind of barrier between them. He didn’t know if she knew it was there or not. For a few days she’d looked utterly miserable every time he saw her, which wasn’t much considering she’d avoided him. Then along came Garrett and every time Ryan saw her she was smiling and looking happier than ever. With him. It used to be Ryan that made her smile that way, and it hurt that he couldn’t do that anymore.

“Well clearly it’s not nothing…” Kyra said, bringing him back to earth.

He looked over at her, concern embedded in her hazel eyes, deep red strands of hair criss-crossing over her face from the wind. She was so beautiful. He wondered what would happen if he was to lean over, tilt her chin upwards and kiss her perfect lips. Would she kiss back? Would he make her his girlfriend, and his desire of many months become fulfilled? He wondered for but a moment, but then he didn’t care anymore, because whether or not he had the girl of his dreams didn’t matter anymore. It wouldn’t help his best friend come back to him.

“Really, I’m just being overdramatic,” he said, doing his very best fake smile. “I’ve got a lot on my mind right now.”

He finally tossed the stone out into the water. It skipped a couple of times before it was taken by a wave, and lost.

“Let’s get back to the buses,” he smiled at her. “I’m feeling really tired.”

Kyra nodded after a moment and took Ryan’s hand in hers as they struggled their way through the sand and back to their hectic lives.