Mad as a Hatter, Thin as a Dime

Garrett’s eyes were closed, but he felt her heart beating faster just before she stirred slightly and shifted her positioning against his body. He smiled. It wasn’t that he regretted their… shared passion last night, but he was glad that Vesper had stopped him before they went any further. She was pretty much his closest friend, and he’d hate to be the night that she’d always regret. She was beautiful, though. And sweet, and sensitive, and funny. It positively amazed him that no one else seemed to see this. They all saw Kyra. Not that Kyra wasn’t any of these things herself, he was sure she was, but what was it about her that made almost three whole bands, in total twelve guys, go absolutely weak at the knees when her incredible sister was right there next to her? He wasn’t in love with Vesper, he knew that. Perhaps he had a small crush – a crush that was primarily satisfied last night and left him wanting more – and she was a very dear friend over whom he felt incredibly protective, but that didn’t mean he was in love with her. He just respected her as a person, that’s all. Still, looking down at her semi-naked form pressed against his side, he could not help but feel a sense of satisfaction.

“Morning gorgeous,” he murmured.

A small smile climbed its way onto Vesper’s lips, but only momentarily before it dropped and she opened her eyes, startled, frantically observing her surroundings.

“Relax Ves, nothing happened. Well, not nothing… but we didn’t do that.”

Her hair a mess atop her head and last night’s makeup smudged and painting panda eyes, Vesper sat up groggily. Even next to her exuberant sister on stage last night, Garrett thought, he’d pick this girl any day of the week.

“My head is fucking killing me…” she mumbled.

“Oh hold on, I’ll go get you some aspirin.”

He was back in the warmth of the blankets before she could blink, and she downed the pill along with the entire jug of water.

“Thanks,” she whispered. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this hungover… I don’t remember a thing.”

“Nothing?” he repeated, convincing himself that the drop in his heart was just relief. “Nothing at all?”

“The last thing I remember was finishing my daiquiri… and then you asked me if I wanted to come back to the bus…”

So she didn’t remember. She didn’t remember their passionate first kiss, and the many that followed. She didn’t remember letting him undress her. She didn’t remember his intimate touch. She didn’t remember the way he didn’t let go of her from the couch to the bunk. She didn’t remember telling him to stop. And most of all, she didn’t remember any of the secrets that she’d told him.

“…And then I wake up and I’m lying in your bunk with you, both of us half naked. Care to fill in the gaps for me?”

He gulped, quickly editing the full story in his mind.

“Well…”

“Shh,” she pleaded. “A bit quieter, please. My head’s throbbing like there’s a fucking rave up there.”

“Okay, well, um…” he started, cursing himself for stuttering. “We came back here and had some vodka… I offered you juice but you wanted it straight… I think you had maybe six shots? Small ones… on top of the four or so drinks you had at the bar, so that explains your hangover.”

“Okay,” she nodded. “How did we get naked? And don’t try to tell me we didn’t, because my underwear wasn’t inside out yesterday.”

“Um, well firstly Kyra called you and said that everyone else would be crashing at someone’s house for the night… Must’ve been a big fucking house to fit all of them… And I don’t know, I kissed you or you kissed me… One thing led to another and we did some stuff…” Garrett paused, starting to feel very awkward indeed, colour rising in his cheeks and face.

“What kind of stuff?” Vesper asked, looking down. Garrett’s heart sank. He sure hoped she wasn’t regretting anything.

“Well, um… I touched you… you know, there… And you touched me a little bit… But that’s all, I swear. We did, uh, discard our clothing… all of our clothing… but you said you weren’t ready to go further so it just ended there. We put our underwear back on and went to sleep. That’s it.”

She nodded, looking him in the eye. He held his breath, waiting for whatever was to come next.

“Okay… Was it good?”

“W-what?” Garrett coughed and spluttered.

“Was it good?” she held back a giggle. “Did I… enjoy myself?”

“Well I don’t mean to brag,” he grinned, glad that she wasn’t running from him. “But it seemed like you were definitely having a good time… From your noises and all…”

“Okay, okay,’ she laughed, stopping him from saying anything else. “Well good.”

There was a brief pause before she spoke again.

“Are you okay with this?” she asked him. “Sorry for, uh, leading you on I guess… I’m not usually like that, I swear, I don’t usually do things like that…”

“Shh, relax Ves. I know. And yeah, I’m fine with it. I’m more than fine with it, in fact, please feel free to repeat the incident again whenever you like.”

Vesper laughed, and clichéd as it was he compared the sound to wind chimes. Wrapping the sheet around her, Vesper crawled over Garrett’s body and out of the bunk, stumbling slightly as she got to her feet.

“Oh, uh, one last question.”

“Shoot.”

“I didn’t, uh… I didn’t mention anyone last night did I? I didn’t… say anything ridiculous?”

Garrett paused for only a fraction of a second, images of secrets told spilling before his eyes, before making up his mind.

“No. Nothing.”

***

“Ryan!”

The boy didn’t notice the sound of his name behind him as he strummed his guitar. Lyrics danced in his head, all of which reminded him of Kyra. And Vesper. He wasn’t sure what had happened between his best friend and him, and the unknowing was chewing away at him. He missed hanging out with her. He missed their bond; the bond that had been torn apart by another. He didn’t think that he could ever replace Vesper, but quite obviously she’d found it easy to replace him. He only wished he knew what he’d done wrong.

“Ryan!”

After several attempts, he finally heard his name and turned his head slightly to see another boy now only a few feet away. He made no attempt to mask his lack of enthusiasm.

“Oh. Garrett.”

“Hey.”

“What do you want?”

He wasn’t always this rude. What had come over him? He just held some sort of disdain towards this particular character; the one who’d stolen his best friend from him. Garrett’s eyebrows rose, surprised at Ryan’s harsh tones. He shrugged it off though; it’s not like they were exactly best friends.

“Well, um… I just uh… wanted to tell you something.”

“Is it about Vesper?” Ryan asked, suddenly alert and worried. “Is she okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, she’s fine,” Garrett replied, forcing passionate images of the previous night out of his mind.

“Then what did you want to tell me?”

“I just… uh…”

“Go on.”

“I just thought you ought to know that you might be chasing a lie.”

Garrett stood up awkwardly and prepared to leave, his last sentenced rushed and his palms sweating.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Ryan questioned, his brow furrowed in puzzlement.

“Just… just think about it, ‘kay?”

Garrett scurried away before Ryan had another chance to ask. What on earth did that mean? And why was the cryptic message so important that the one person he didn’t get along with on this tour was the one to deliver it? Instead, the Panic! boy was left far more confused and lost than before, pondering a multiplicity of meanings in his elaborate mind.