Seeming to Go Nowhere

The night air was starting to get a little chilly so we decided to head to my room. To make sure Brendon wouldn't kill either of us later on today (since it was well past midnight), I made him a makeshift bed by throwing the comforter blanket and a few pillows down. I gave him a lighter blanket, just in case he got cold at some point (yeah, in the summer heat...) We got our things settled and then we sat on my bed and talked.

"Okay, I guess I'll start," he broke the silence first, "What is your full name, how old are you, and describe your history so far."

"That's a hefty list," I chuckled quietly, "Alright... My name is Juliana Eileen Morris. I was born March 12, 1987. And my history... well-"

I cut myself off and started to think... out loud, "where am I suppose to begin? Do I start with my days as a little girl? Yes, let's start from the beginning. Uhm... Momma was always my savior. She's the one who taught me to write and to just say what I wanted to say. She wasn't born here like my daddy was. She was one of the city folk from New York City. She was a free spirit, wandering around, like you," I nodded towards him.

"Anyways, after they got married, Mom's parents never talked to her again and well... Dad's parents didn't mind it all. They were happy for them. Ever since they gave birth to Brendon, he has always wanted a younger sibling. He never got his lil' brother, but he got me, so he was thankful. Now, I wasn't at all perfect. I'd get into major trouble with Brendon all the time, even if he was 8 years older than me. It was Brendon that started reading to me. He was always proud that he had a 4th grade reading level that made the rest of his grade jealous. Daddy and Momma worked really hard to make sure Brendon and I got a good education. Though they argued about one thing; Dad wanted to stay in Wynnewood since our family has been here since the town was made, but Mom wanted us to get smart enough to go and do something real important with our lives. They never really talked about it to each other, but they always said something to Brendon and I. We never paid attention to it. We'd go to school like usual and then Brendon, Randy, and Josh would go do their adventurous little pranks around town. Of course, I was the little sister that would tag-a-long. Josh didn't mind, but Randy thought I was a brat. I'd pull pranks on him just so Bren and Josh would laugh. Life went along those lines 'til Brendon turned 18 and graduated high school. The boy has the likes of doing something real great and Mom was ready to give him the money to go to college and send him off to MIT for engineering school, but Brendon didn't want to go. He was comfortable living his life they way he had in Wynnewood. It broke Momma's heart, but Daddy was happy with it. Not long after did Brendon move out and started spending all his time at the gas station with Randy and Josh. They started renting out this little house. Life was still fine and everyone was still getting along. It wasn't until about a year after, around this time really," I slowed down and got silent.

"What happened, Jules?" Ben asked softly, putting his arm around my shoulders.

I sighed and closed my eyes, reliving the memory in my head, "It was really late at night and the thunderstorms were coming in from the west. We were on our way back from Oklahoma City because Mom had a work party downtown. Daddy and I went to go pick her up and tried to race back before the storm. We were really close when a wild coyote jumps right into the interstate, chasing a raccoon. Dad swerved out of the way and the rest is pretty blank. The rest is whatever Brendon can tell you because he won't tell me. All I do know is that when I woke up, I didn't have any parents left. They both died instantly at the scene. I was barely hanging on when they got me to the hospital. I had a loss of blood, cracked collarbone, deep cuts from the glass, and a crushed airway from the seatbelt."

I opened my eyes when I felt Ben move his arms around me and pull me in tightly. I leaned my head on his shoulder, but I didn't feel like crying. I hadn't cried about it yet. To me, it was too deep to reach in and get it. But today, I had moved on finally and was ready to talk about the crash openly. I wanted to talk about how I'd get nightmares from the crash and that I'm terrified of thunderstorms now. Of course, I didn't tell Ben that, he was sorry enough as it was to hear it. I kept going.

"So when I was eleven, Brendon was the only family I had left. Daddy's parents had already died when I was younger and we both knew that Momma's parents didn't care. They didn't even show up for their funeral. Brendon sold the house because we couldn't afford it and put all the money into making sure I finished schooling ‘til I was 18. Brendon, Josh, and Randy paid rent until they could just buy this place. I was mute for the first few months until Brendon bought Mason. Mason was just a puppy then. He needed my care and that's what I gave him. In return, he lent me his ears and he was always a good dog. He was more lazy when he was in the home anyways. So Mason's the only one who heard me talk until Brendon walked in on me talking to him."

By this point, Mason had muzzled his way into my room and took to curling up into his bed at the foot of mine. He whined every time I said his name, thinking I was calling for him. Without really knowing it (it happened so naturally) the two of us were cuddling on my bed; Ben listening and me rambling away like a fool.

"Since the accident, I still went to school. I didn't have any friends except for Brendon and his, so the children would pick on me about not having parents. When we got older though, they grew really sorry for it, regretting us being nasty little kids. I grew to just accept the torment and they grew to not really remembering why they hated me. I was seventeen years old when I finally let go of my troubles and started off new. I communicated and talked with others; even went to my junior spring formal. Had a few crushes and such, ya know, lived like a ordinary teen would. I still managed to keep up all of my grades and soon, being accepted into colleges I never even heard of. Momma's expectations for us were growing once again in my brain, but I knew I couldn't do it. Brendon didn't have the money to put me through and the life insurance was covering my school funds as it was. It was helping to pay for a steady life in Wynnewood, so my ticket out burned out once my parents died. We renovated this house to make it better to live in. Fixed it up and decorated it here and there. It's now the home I'll be living in. I'm twenty-one now and working as a teacher's aid at our local school, being a substitute teacher for any of the classrooms. It was really a secret kept from the district board of public schools. I was suppose to be in college, trying to get a degree for teaching, but all the teachers, that I taught for, knew already I could teach any of their classes perfectly. I was their top student, just like Brendon was when he was there. They knew I needed the job also, again from the accident, and so gave me the position. I'm not working at the moment though, seeing as it is summertime and there's no school. So I laze about with the boys. That's my history all laid out for you. It's your turn."

I was feeling just the tiniest bit vulnerable after I finally stopped talking. Spilling everything about you to a stranger was very uncomfortable, but it was something about Ben and the way he acted that made it alright. It was like he already knew me. Strange to say that, I know, but I couldn't help, but be fine with him. He was wide awake and unintentionally playing with my hand.

"My name is Benjamin Jorgensen. I was born July 4, 1983....." he started off. And did he talk for a very long time. He gave me his short description of life in New Jersey. About his childhood and his teenager days. He talked about how music somehow intervened into his life without him knowing and him rocking out every now and then. How he was starting off college when he decided to give one hundred dollars to make a CD, on his own. It was interesting for him to explain the whole ordeal, how much fun it was for him to walk up to each instrument and play. He talked about the beginning of Armor for Sleep and his journey of finding PJ and Nash. He kept talking as the time ticked by slowly, just filling my brain with his memories and my little side noting every now and then. He talked about his home, his dog Nashi, and the multiple amounts of tours. He talked about his friends and fans... it all sounded like a dream to me. And slowly I passed out without my senses telling me. Before I could tell him that this was the best night of my life so far...before telling him to take me with him. Ben really had my mind spun around him.