This Was a Therapeutic Chain of Events

“Jac, what are you talking about?” I muttered bitterly.

“You heard me Ryan,” she looked at me straight, a single tear pouring down her face.

“Why would you do that to me, Jac?! I fucking love you!” I yelled.

She started to cry more. “I didn’t mean to I…”

“You just thought it was alright to sleep with someone else when you were with me.”

“No, Ry, you don’t underst…”

“I do understand. I understand I don’t need you if you’re going to cheat on me. I thought we had something special,” my eyes were burning with fiery tears.

“We do have something special! I made a mistake! I didn’t mean to!” she sobbed, her makeup pouring down her face.

“I can’t forgive a cheater.”

“Ryan,” she grabbed my arm gently. I pushed her away and she let out a loud sob.

“Pack up your shit and get out of here,” I said, calmer than I expected.

I’d never yelled at her before.

She’d never hurt me before.

I would have never even expected this…

I shot up in bed, cool tears rolling down my face.

Staring at myself in the mirror, I wiped them off my cheeks.

That had already been three months ago, but still it was so vivid in my mind…

I didn’t want this, but I was still in love with her. I would always be a heartbroken bum; I think I had figured that on my own.

I could never forgive her, but I would never forget her.

Looking out the window, I was shocked by the rows and rows of homes near by with their Christmas decorations up. I rolled my eyes. I hadn’t been out much. I wasn’t in the Christmas spirit, and frankly I didn’t care if I was still slumped up in my room the whole Christmas season.

I threw on a shirt and walked out into the kitchen, throwing a few Advil down my throat. It was a constant headache with her gone.

I slouched over the counter and let out a deep breath.

“You know if you stay cooped up in here you’re going to get sicker,” I heard a familiar voice.

Without looking up, I replied, “Brendon, what are you doing here?”

“I figured you needed some company. And then I saw your apartment was very boring and needed some holiday spirit,” he said joyfully.

I looked up and sighed. Brendon was decorating my mantle with Christmas decorations and stockings and such.

“It’s a shame you don’t have a tree,” he grabbed a pack of red Christmas lights and opened it.

“You can take all of this down. Really, I’d prefer nothing up.”

Brendon glared at me. “You need to stop living in the past, Ryan. The future is bright. Be cheerful, at least for a little bit.”

“I find no reason to be cheerful.”

He sighed and dropped the lights. “I’m trying, for you. I don’t want to see you like this. It makes me…less of myself…when you’re not yourself.”

“Oh, bull.”

“Ry, I’m serious. The whole band’s gotten weird since you haven’t been around much.”

“I have been around. I go to practice.”

“Yeah, you stay, and then say you have to go after only a half hour. And where do you go, other than here?”

“I go out to a bar or something.”

“Like that’s any better.”

I didn’t say anything. I looked down at the counter again and watched as a few of my tears hit the surface. “I’m nothing without her.”

“Ryan, stop it! You don’t need her if she’s going to cheat on you. You can do so much better.”

“No I can’t.”

He let out a deep breath. “Spencer is having a Christmas party tomorrow, with some other guys from Decaydance. Please go?”

I looked up at him. He was pleading with me. “I can’t.”

His expression sunk. “Fine. Then I’ll spend tomorrow with you. No one deserves to be alone on Christmas Eve.”

I almost smiled…

“Fine, come tomorrow. But don’t bring any more decorations or anything.”

He smirked. “Alright.”

Brendon grabbed his jacket and was off.

“Yes mom, I’m sure. I’m going to Spencer’s party,” I lied.

“You don’t just want to have a nice family Christmas?”

“Maybe I’ll come over for a bit tomorrow. But today I just wanna hang with friends.”

“Hanging as in staying at home all day, locked up in your room?”

I sighed.

“Honey, I’m not oblivious. Brendon is always over here telling me what’s going on with you. I think we should talk about it,” always overly-worried.

“Mom, I don’t need to talk about it.”

“But honey…”

“Mom, really, I’m fine. I promise I’ll come over for dinner tomorrow.”

“Okay, love, I’ll see you then.”

I hung up and put the phone back on the receiver, running a hand through my still-wet hair.

Brendon was going to be here soon, I knew it.

Well it was something, actually getting out of bed, getting a shower, attempting to get decently dressed.

There really wasn’t an occasion, but I’d play along from Brendon. He did so much for me already.

I went to my room to watch some TV. Only when did I smell something delectable coming from the kitchen did I get up, realizing Brendon was here.

“What’s that?” I almost smiled, seeing him hunched over at the oven with a little apron on.

“Oh, you actually came out of your room! Way to spoil the surprise,” he frowned.

“What are you making?” I asked, sneaking a peek in the oven. “Is that ham?”

He nodded, smiling, and got back to stirring the stuffing.

“But you don’t even eat any of this stuff. And who eats all this on Christmas Eve.”

“Its alright, I’m making a vegan version for myself. And I just supposed you’d like to at least have some good food for once, you deserve it.”

I smiled.

“You don’t think I actually cooked all this did you?” he laughed.

“It’s takeout, isn’t it?” I shook my head sadly.

He turned to me and flashed a smile back. “It’s nice to see you happy again.”

Brendon went to the counter and poured me a glass of wine.

“I brought some movies over. You can pick one out if you want,” he explained.

“Alright Brendon, I’ll pick out a movie,” I smiled and went into the living room.

Everything was going so nice. Just being able to sit with someone and watch a movie and eat something edible for once. I liked not being with people, it’s just…I wasn’t over her yet.

“Brendon?” I asked as we sat on the couch, watching the movie.

All the lights were out, except for the flashing colorful Christmas ones he had put up. It was kinda eerie, but also kinda nice.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get over her.”

He sighed angrily.

“What?”

“You always have to turn it to her, don’t you?”

“I’m sorry it’s all I think about!” I cried. “Why are you getting all defensive?”

“Its always Jac this, my life sucks that. I just wanted, for once, for you to stop thinking about her, to just spend time with me while we can at least. Tonight was great until you brought her up.”

“I can’t help it…I-I need help…”

“Ryan, get a grip! She’s gone and she’s never coming back!”

Overcome with emotion, I threw my wine glass at him. The burgundy color soon poured down the whole front of his shirt.

He glared at me. “You fucker, you ruined my favorite shirt!”

I stepped back. Now everyone just hates me.

Warm tears poured out of my eyes and I backed away some more, burying my face in my hands.

“Oh Ry I didn’t mean…” I felt his arms slip around me, a little bit of a tingle inside of me, and then I pushed him away.

“You know I’m hurt, Bren,” I sobbed. “I just can’t help myself…she’s not there to hold,” I looked up at him for a moment. “…there’s no one there to love anymore.”

His arms slipped around me again, and this time, I didn’t push him away.

I looked up at him. He seemed so much bigger than me, so less vulnerable than I was.

Giving me a smile, I stopped my crying. He wiped away the rest of the stray tears from my face with his thumb.

He lifted up my chin with his hand and looked at me for a few soft moments, and then brought his lips upon mine.

It was a slow, gentle kiss, like nothing I’d ever felt. Contrary to what people thought, I’d never kissed Brendon, not even for sport.

I’d never felt a real attraction to him. Sure, he wasn’t bad, but I was straight.

And here, as he pushed me gently against the wall and kissed me again, I was contradicting myself.

I let my arms wrap around his neck and smiled as he gave me a forceful kiss, grazing my lips with his tongue, begging for entrance.

Brendon gave to me the sweetest, most passionate kisses that seemed all at once to melt the pain away.

Our lips parted, but we were still so close. I was afraid he would feel the bulge in my pants, but at the same I wanted him to find it…

Our foreheads touching, our breath fast, our lips still so close…I could feel his arms holding me around my waist. I leaned in to kiss him again, a quick peck on the lips.

He smiled and kissed me back…..

“Brendon,” I moaned, feeling his cool hands steadily take off my clothes.

I leaned up, missing his kisses, and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down with me onto the bed.

His erection rubbed up against mine and I hissed in pleasure and threw my lips against his. He slowly entwined his fingers with mine, pressing into the bed, and whispered into my ear, “Everyone needs to be shown love, Ry.”

I smiled and let him take me…

I woke up early the next morning, with the sun coming in through the blinds, hitting my face. Brendon was still half-asleep on my chest.

I ruffled his hair and he sighed and woke up.

“I love you Ry,” he yawned and moved up to kiss me.

“Merry Christmas, Brenny,” I kissed his nose. He scrunched it up and smiled, eyes closed.

“How long?” I asked.

“How long what, my love?”

“Have you…loved me…”

“Ever since you started going out with her. Have to say I was jealous…” his face got red.

I smiled.

We laid there in bed, on a beautiful Christmas morning, naked and cuddled, Brendon and me, and I had to say that I was happier than I’d ever been in my life.

“Brendon?”

“Yeah, Ry?”

“I’ll get you a new shirt.”