High School Love Affair

“Chris, I’m not the girl you need?” I spoke slowly not looking at him.

“What do you mean?” He said to me quietly. I looked at him and I couldn’t speak because I knew I had nothing left to say.

“I’m not the one you need.” I said again hoping he would understand it. When he didn’t say any thing, I knew he wanted me to explain, but I didn’t know if I could.

“How would you know what I need?” He asked looking at me with a hint of hatred as if I was taking something away from him that he wanted.

“Because you need a girl who is devoted to you. You need a girl who you can show off to your friends. One that knows what you’re talking about most of the time.” I said exasperated hoping Jay would come back soon with the drinks. I wanted to leave but I wanted an excuse.

“What are you fucking talking about now?” Chris asked.

“Don’t fucking swear at me, you have no right to be angry.” I raised my voice a little. “Frankly for both of us it was just sex and don’t try to make it into something more there is nothing there.”

I was turning to walk away. “You used me.” He said hurt, almost.

“The same way you used me.” I said and stepped away from the curtain. People who were sitting in the beds were looking at me. I saw a look of disappointment; a girl looked at me with respect. As if what I have done, I have done it for every woman out there. However, deep down I was hurting maybe not as much as I should have been, but I was.

I was walking down the hall when I bumped into Jay. “Hey, where you going?” He asked as we met face to face.

“I’m going home.” I said he was about to stop me but when he looked into my eyes, I smiled. I was going to be ok. What I needed at that moment was something to keep me busy.

“Wait, I can drive you.” He said, I looked outside it had started to rain. It wasn’t a rain to cool down the earth rain it was drenching. He read my thoughts about walking. “You’ll get sick if you walk in that weather. It’s not a problem for me to drive you. Just let me say bye to Chris.”

I couldn’t answer him tell him that I could walk. He disappeared beyond the doors. “Hey Joana” Jack said from behind the desk.

“Hey Jack.” I said back to him.

“Want to go for a coffee later after my shift.” He asked giving me his best smile.

“Jack what do you see when you look at me?” I asked knowing the question would throw him off. He stared at me for a second.

“A cute girl.” He said as if he was guessing.

“Don’t tell me what I want to hear or what you think I want to hear give me a straight answer.” I leaned my elbows on the counter.

“That’s what I want to do, get to know you better so when you ask me questions like that I can answer them.” He was saying as Jay came up to me.

“Ready to go.” He asked knowing full well that I was ready. He had heard the conversation with Jack and I really didn’t know what to think.

“Yeah,” was all I said as we stepped out into the rain? He opened the van door for me and went around to his door.

I gave him my address and he followed my directions. I didn’t say anything I just watched the rain hit the window. I didn’t know what to say. What could I say? “Thank you for taking me.” That was all I could think of.

We stopped at a stoplight. “You’re welcome. You might want to stay clear of Chris for a while.” Jay said I looked at him and he was concentrating on the road as if he was a little bit mad.

“And why is that?” I asked with a little bit of humour.

“He’s hurt.” Jay said.

“Yeah, I know he’s been in a car accident.” I answered knowing that full well that was not what he was talking about.

“You’ve hurt him.” He said turning onto a street, Then onto my street. I was about to laugh in his face I didn’t hurt Chris far from it.

“That’s what you really think?” I asked as he stopped in front of my house.

“That’s what he said.” Jay still looked in front of him.

“Do you believe him?” I asked and when Jay didn’t give an answer, I didn’t let him think about it any longer. “You’ve known Chris for a while, do you ever think a girl could hurt him?”

“I don’t know,” He whispered almost.

“The only thing that is hurt right now about him, is his pride. We had sex and that is all it was. As they say sometimes, a fuck is just a fuck. He’s pissed because I came to the realisation before he could. Believe me I know Chris more then I would like to, and he will never be hurt by anyone. He says I used him well it was a two way street.” I said as I reached for the door handle.

“Look just keep a little distance from him. I’m gonna try to get him to not do anything harsh.” Jay said he finally looked at me.

“What’s the worst he can do?” I asked.

“He can tell some stuff that you don’t want getting out.” Jay looked like he was worried.

“Jay let me tell you something, been there done that. I’m here now I’ve survived it and you know what we’re almost done high school he’ll soon forget about me. If one of the girls from school offer to keep him company and to nurse him back to help he’ll be fine.” I said and got out of the car. “Thanks for the ride see you tomorrow at school, you don’t have to talk to me when you see me.”

Before I could get an answer from him to my last comment I closed the car door and ran towards my house. I took a shower and went to bed, when asked where I was I told my mother I had some things to do. She said I had received a phone call from one of the places that had received my resume.

The resume was the last thing I had in mind. I kept remembering the last time I was called names and stuff was spread around me in town. Not that I cared anymore, my parents were the only ones that cared. Not that they believed any of that stuff it was just them being upset about someone being able to spread rumours about me and me not caring.