‹ Prequel: Church On Sunday
Extraodinary Girl
He lacks the courage in his mind
If doubt breeds insecurity, then what about procrastination?
6 long months and things had changed so much. I was spending more time with Adrienne and the boys, much to Brittany's dismay. Britt understood, but kept questioning my reasons for becoming so involved. She cared too, but she also knew that I was the one it all fell back on. But Adrienne was a friend. But more than that, she was family. And it so happened that when Billie fucked around with Tre, I was the one to pick up the pieces.
When I say pick up the pieces, I mean I was there as Adie's shoulder to cry on, to offer support, to help with the kids and of course, be there for Joe and Jake. At first things were tense between them and their father, but slowly, things started to work themselves out. I felt for Adie and I was mad at Billie and Tre, but I just had to do what I could to make sure they all came out of this unscathed.
I talked Adie through so much shit. I had to let her know that this wasn’t her fault and that she was beautiful and intelligent, an extraordinary girl. Billie and her were having problems, and yes, as bad as it was that he and Tre got together, maybe she and him just weren’t meant to be.
She needed someone and I stepped up. Of course, she was, is, my dear friend, but Billie had asked that I help out; made sure that her and the boys didn’t want for anything. And I did.
The more time I spent with Adrienne, the more I saw things in her that I didn’t know. We had spent time alone previously, of course, but just sitting there talking at such an emotionally charged time, you learn things that you wouldn’t necessarily have known about a person, no matter how close you were before. The more I saw of her, the more she amazed me. And that’s when the doubts appeared.
Doubts about Brittany, and me mostly. We had been together almost 5 years and it was great; I loved her a lot. But there was something missing, and that made me insecure. I knew that our relationship was good aside from that; we were damn near married, but I was insecure within myself.
Because I had feelings for someone I shouldn’t.
Spending so much time with Adrienne, Joey and Jake, felt like I was leading a double life. With them doing things your average family would do…dinner, movies, kids' soccer matches and then it would be me and Britt, just hanging out; couple type things, you know? I didn’t want to feel this way, especially about my best friend's ex wife. But I did…Brittany knew something was up and already had her reservations, but what was I gonna do? I had tried to appease her by telling her to come along, making sure she felt part of this, but she was tiring of having to … well share me.
So this leaves me to procrastinate.
Should I throw Brittany and me away on a whim and tell Adrienne that I think I may have feelings for her? Confuse our kids even more then they already have been? Face the possibility of arguing with Billie again?
I couldn’t do that. Not without knowing for sure.
At dinner the other night when Adie had dropped her fork and we had both gone to pick it up, we had…we had had a moment. I swear I saw something there in her eyes; like she was happy again after all she'd been through…was that because of me?
I was now wondering whether Adrienne was feeling something for me other than love of a friend. Was she in that place where she was out to sell the image of herself to anyone willing to buy, and that coincidently was me?
6 long months and things had changed so much. I was spending more time with Adrienne and the boys, much to Brittany's dismay. Britt understood, but kept questioning my reasons for becoming so involved. She cared too, but she also knew that I was the one it all fell back on. But Adrienne was a friend. But more than that, she was family. And it so happened that when Billie fucked around with Tre, I was the one to pick up the pieces.
When I say pick up the pieces, I mean I was there as Adie's shoulder to cry on, to offer support, to help with the kids and of course, be there for Joe and Jake. At first things were tense between them and their father, but slowly, things started to work themselves out. I felt for Adie and I was mad at Billie and Tre, but I just had to do what I could to make sure they all came out of this unscathed.
I talked Adie through so much shit. I had to let her know that this wasn’t her fault and that she was beautiful and intelligent, an extraordinary girl. Billie and her were having problems, and yes, as bad as it was that he and Tre got together, maybe she and him just weren’t meant to be.
She needed someone and I stepped up. Of course, she was, is, my dear friend, but Billie had asked that I help out; made sure that her and the boys didn’t want for anything. And I did.
The more time I spent with Adrienne, the more I saw things in her that I didn’t know. We had spent time alone previously, of course, but just sitting there talking at such an emotionally charged time, you learn things that you wouldn’t necessarily have known about a person, no matter how close you were before. The more I saw of her, the more she amazed me. And that’s when the doubts appeared.
Doubts about Brittany, and me mostly. We had been together almost 5 years and it was great; I loved her a lot. But there was something missing, and that made me insecure. I knew that our relationship was good aside from that; we were damn near married, but I was insecure within myself.
Because I had feelings for someone I shouldn’t.
Spending so much time with Adrienne, Joey and Jake, felt like I was leading a double life. With them doing things your average family would do…dinner, movies, kids' soccer matches and then it would be me and Britt, just hanging out; couple type things, you know? I didn’t want to feel this way, especially about my best friend's ex wife. But I did…Brittany knew something was up and already had her reservations, but what was I gonna do? I had tried to appease her by telling her to come along, making sure she felt part of this, but she was tiring of having to … well share me.
So this leaves me to procrastinate.
Should I throw Brittany and me away on a whim and tell Adrienne that I think I may have feelings for her? Confuse our kids even more then they already have been? Face the possibility of arguing with Billie again?
I couldn’t do that. Not without knowing for sure.
At dinner the other night when Adie had dropped her fork and we had both gone to pick it up, we had…we had had a moment. I swear I saw something there in her eyes; like she was happy again after all she'd been through…was that because of me?
I was now wondering whether Adrienne was feeling something for me other than love of a friend. Was she in that place where she was out to sell the image of herself to anyone willing to buy, and that coincidently was me?