Candy-Coated Romance

Like the back of my hand, I just remember how to get back to his house. It only takes me one time, driving while dark, and I know it. It’s funny how your brain picks up on things that you think are important and stores them deep within your cerebellum. I knew the directions he gave me yesterday would be important for me to keep. My brain knew this. Like its filing it away so I’ll always have it inside my head. It’s like no matter how long you’re away from home; you’ll always remember how to get back to your front door. The idea that you always remember how to get home, even how to get to homes away from homes. The idea that your brain stores the places that you can take comfort in. Places that make you feel okay with the world. Places that don’t judge you or tell you what to do. Places that make you feel that it’s okay to be just who you are. Places of acceptance.

I wind my way through the gated community all the way down to his house. I pull into the drive way and put it into park. I cut the engine. We sit.

“What are you thinking about? Can I ask that?” Frank takes off his seat belt and leans against the car door so he’s more facing me.

“You don’t want to know.” I say, hoping he’ll just drop it.

“Please, Trace, tell me. I honestly do want to know.” The sincerity in his eyes makes me feel like it’s okay to say what I want, no – what I need, to say.

“I don’t understand this. I just don’t get how I can act like this. This is so against everything I’ve ever known about myself. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve never kissed another guy in my life! I don’t do things like this. I don’t go out of my comfort zone. I don’t challenge my belief system just on a whim. I don’t let myself loose control. I don’t trust people without having a solid reason to. I don’t fall for people I don’t even know. This is not who I am.” I vent it all out. I can’t even stop my words from stumbling out of my mouth. The all come out so quickly that I can’t even be 100% sure of what I’ve all just said.

Frank just looks at me with his calm eyes and he speaks softly to me, as if he’s telling me a secret. “This isn’t something that can be understood. This is wild, and it’s crazy. This isn’t stuff that I normally go around schools doing either. This just is.” He lets that soak in for a minute. “That’s all there is to it: this just is.”

We sit for what feels like forever before he speaks again.

“My grandfather told me, before he died, one thing, and he always told me to carry this piece of advice around with me and to share it with anyone who would benefit from the knowledge. I want to tell you what he told me.” He pauses and brushes the hair out of his eyes. “Do not fear what you cannot understand. The real danger in life lies with not living it to the point of happiness.” He clears his throat, then opens the door and gets out.

“Thank you for sharing that with me.” I say to him as he stands outside the passenger door.

“Your welcome. Thanks for the ride, Trace.” He says, shoving his hands deep within his jean pockets. He starts to turn away and shut the door, but the last second he catches it and opens it back up. “Hey, tomorrow’s Friday, right? So I was sort of wondering if you had any plans for this weekend. I mean, we could just hang out at my place and like, I don’t know, what’s a cliché thing teens do now days?”

“We could watch a movie.” I suggest softly.

“Do you want to come by, let’s say Friday night at nine, and watch a movie?” Franklin, for once, doesn’t look up. He looks at the cement and almost seems shy about asking.

“I’ll be there.” I respond with certainty in my voice. He looks up and smiles at me. An actual big smile before he closes the door and walks into his house. I can’t help myself from smiling too as I reverse out of the driveway and into the perfect community of my home away from home.