Before I Forget

He has his arm around you. I walk faster so I don’t have to watch. I throw the now empty ‘vodka’ bottle into the air and I hear it smash behind me. I don’t turn round. You call. I still don’t turn round. I just keep walking through the orange haze of street lights. I don’t know how I get a ticket but I soon find myself on the platform. I stumble around for a couple of minutes until I find the right one. I see you. And him. I think you’re kissing. I pray to God you’re not as I push past you, trying to convince myself he was only hugging you. You call after me again but I don’t reply and sit down on a cold metal bench. The two of you come over and ask if I’m alright. I nod and remain silent throughout the rest of your conversation. The next thing I know the two of us are on the train. I remember getting on first. I didn’t want to watch how you said goodbye. You sit down opposite me and I rest my head on the table between us. That’s when the vodka and the overload of emotions take hold and I spill out everything. I think I’m crying. Oh God, now I’m quoting Evanescence and fuck knows what else. The next thing I know I’m throwing up into the toilet at home; my sister beside me and my mum in the doorway shouting.