Suicide Season

Oliver Sykes had done some reckless things in his life, punching a man on the nose was just one small incident on a long list that would have taken hours to read. But in some sense this list was not a list of calamites. No. It was a list of pride because despite all of those crazy and neurotic moments Oli Sykes had come out alive and only mildly bruised.

However as Oli walked off the stage that evening after finished another show in another city, he wasn’t all too sure if he was going to make it out of this calamity in one piece.

Before he walked down the sticky black steps off the stage he involuntarily gazed to the back of the venue where the bar was, expecting to see Jez standing there in her ballet pumps with her pint glass of iced water in her hand and smiling up at the stage with her knowing smile, the smile of a person who actually hated every sound that came from the stage but who learned to love it because the sounds were made by people whom she held close to heart.

But of course she wasn’t there.

In fact Jez was currently on the other side of town, sitting opposite Alex sharing a meal that was freshly prepared and didn’t come from the inside of a microwave, a welcome change for Jez. She was relieved to find herself in the company of a not tattooed boy who didn’t swear whenever occasion invited it. She liked how there was no talk of music or of tours. She liked how for once she was given attention rather than having to give it herself.

Spending some quality with her boyfriend reminded Jez just how much she adored Alex, how much she needed him and how much good he did her. With him everything felt easier and she felt lighter by tonnes, her happiness was that of a person simply satisfied. All of these emotions gently made their presence known as the couple were walking back to the ca park behind the venue where the Bring Me The Horizon bus was parked.

Jez was about to knock on the bus door so that Lee and Matt Kean could see Alex, they were the two who got on best with Alex to Oli’s great infuriation, when the gently grip on her elbow caused Jez to pull away from the door and she turned around to see Alex looking at her with sincere but happy eyes.

“Jez, you do know that if anything happens on tour, anything at all, you just have to call me and I’ll pick you up wherever you guys are?” Alex asked quietly, but never breaking eye contact with his girlfriend.

Words didn’t seem fitting enough a reply for something that was said so genuinely, instead Jez stood on tiptoes and planted a kiss on her boyfriend, which explained every single feeling that streamed through her.

As misfortune would have it, Oli was in the tour bus with the rest of the band, he had walked into the kitchen with yet another microwaveable meal in his hands and he happened to glance out of the large window of the side of the bus and he saw Jez and Alex stood there together, in that kind of embrace that made white hot jealously flare up in the pit of Oli’s stomach.

With anger he ripped the door of the microwave open and flung the meal in, slamming the door shut again attempting to put some kind of control on his jealous anger, but succeeding very little. In fact the anger only served to rear its ugly head when he heard a tapping on the bus door, and a few seconds later happy exclamations.

Leaving his meal to spin in the microwave, Oli stalked into the living room are of the bus and found Alex and Jez sat next to each other on the sofa. Alex was joking with Curtis and Jez simply sat there looking content. It was this look of contentment on Jez’s face that only served for the anger inside Oli to bubble and boil.

She never looked like that around him.

Oli frowned to himself, but this did not go unnoticed by Jez who smiled up at him when he entered the room. This small and rather insignificant affirmation of his presence however, calmed Oli down and he managed to take a seat on a beaten up chair opposite Jez and send a civil, if rather curt, nod at Alex.

Alex delayed his departure for as long as was possible, talking with everyone and even managing to pull a laugh out from Oli. But as the evening worn on Alex knew that he had to be heading back to Sheffield.

As Alex was saying his goodbyes to everyone, Oli watched very carefully going through all the possible reasons as to why Alex was better suited for Jez than himself. Maybe it was because Alex didn’t wear hoodies that he himself designed, maybe it was because his skin wasn’t blemished with tattoos, maybe it was because Alex was less neurotic or maybe it simply was because Alex went that extra mile for Jez, that extra mile was always a little too much for Oli to attempt to tackle.

Alex caught the analysing look that Oli had on his face, and after a very tender and heartfelt goodbye to his girlfriend, Alex gestured to Oil to come outside with him. The boys both left the boys in awkward silence, but it was clear that Alex was already in control of the situation and he hadn’t even said a word yet.

“Look I appreciate you looking after Jez,” Alex said the minute the bus door had swung shut and they were stood on the damp tarmac. “But I swear to God if you try anything with her there’ll be nothing left of you to tattoo.”

Oli was shocked; Alex didn’t have a threatening bone in is body and yet the tone in his voice made Oli shudder and take Alex very seriously.

“What do you mean?” Oli asked defensively, trying not to show that Alex had defiantly hit a nerve.

“Fuck’s sake!” Alex said angrily, breathing angrily through his teeth. “You look at Jez like a loved up lost puppy and follow her around like one too. Everyone knows you’ve got more than friendly feelings for her and you’re not exactly subtle about it.”

It was Oli’s nightmare, being confronted by the boyfriend of the girl whom he had idolised from a distance, and whose boyfriend seemed to know everything she didn’t. Oli felt as though his stuck had just dropped to the floor.

“She needs you as a friend Oli, not that I’m particularly happy about it, but she needs your fucked up and odd style of friendship. But I swear to god you trying anything on with my girlfriend Bring Me The Horizon will have a new opening in the line up.”

Oli was about to tell Alex that he had nothing to worry about, that he would never make a move on her because he didn’t want to break her trust, but Oli couldn’t bring the words out. Saying those words aloud to sooth Alex’s angry anxieties would only confirm the truth in Oli’s mind: that Jez never wanted anything more than friendship and that he would have to suffer and pine away in silence.

Out of all the forms of love, unrequited love is the worst.

The tragedies wrung true.