Suicide Season

“Well this is awkward,” Matt Davies said innocently and wide eyed as he fidgeted on the sofa.

Currently Matt was squished between Oli and Jez, neither of whom was saying anything.

Jez was resolutely stubborn and simply didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore. She felt that she had for once actually said too much and let her guard down too low, so now it was up to everyone to try and make her happy again. Her uncalled for confession in the random parking lot in Newcastle annoyed her, why should she always have to explain herself?

Oli wasn’t speaking because he literally had no idea what to say.

After Jez had told him about the phone call he had just remained frozen, he didn’t responded to Jez’s worried questions and had refused to move when she attempted to grab him inside the warmth of the albeit smelly bus.

Oliver was so distracted with his thoughts that anyone hat day could have been calling him ‘Olivia and he would have been none the wiser. He was wrapped up in his own world and nothing was going to pull him out of it anytime soon.

The tour had stopped in another grey and overwhelming city. The host for this particular evening was Liverpool and for once the bands had all arrived early. So early in fact that lunch was currently being shared out in the dressing room of the venue.

Matt squirmed forward and twisted around Jez who was sat to his left. Matt waved a hand in front of Matt Kean’s face to get his attention.

“Psst,” he said in a stage whisper that blatantly everyone could hear, even Bob who was usually so unaware when his attention was other wise absorbed by food.

“What’s going on with these two?” Matt whispered loudly again as he gestured to Oli and Jez who were sat immobile and staring out into space, their eyes glazed over whilst their minds were awake with thoughts chasing each other around their brains.

“Oli just heard some home truths yesterday,” Matt Kean said simply before deftly biting into his burger.

Matt knew that this was all the information that he was going to get and so he simply sighed and leaned back into his rather awkward former position, squished between Oli and Jez.

After another awkward fifteen minutes Jez suddenly snapped out of it. A smile spread itself out over a face that had been trouble for quite some time, and before anyone knew what was going on Jez perkily jumped to her feet and announced she was going to start setting up the merch for the evening.

Everyone in the room watched her trot off happily humming an upbeat song to herself.

After all the brooding and borderline sulking that Jez had been indulging in, she felt that it was finally time to get a grip on herself. Ok so she had told Oli something that she never really wanted to divulge in the first place, he would have found out sooner or later and then she would have been in real trouble.

She looked forward to the fact that in three days they were going back up North again and they would be closer to Sheffield than they had been in a very long time. It was a relief to know that soon the distance between her and Alex would be cut short.

Grabbing her hair and tying it in a messy bun Jez ambled towards the big brown boxes that were stuffed with t-shirts and hoodies as well as other miscellaneous items there were produce to suck even more money out of youths that had already paid an over priced twenty pounds for a ticket. Well at least that’s how Jez saw it.

She grabbed a top box and ripped it open, her eyes falling on the extra small Bring Me The Horizon hoodies that were usually priced at thirty pounds. With a devious smile Jez stretched her hand out and took on for herself. She wasn’t getting paid for doing this so she might as well reap the benefits in some other way.

“Don’t think I didn’t see that!”

Gavin’s voice flooded the merch area that was placed near the bar, and upon hearing it Jez smiled.

She enjoyed Gavin’s company. He wasn’t besotted with her, and all the issues she had with Alex and Oli meant nothing to him. In her eyes Gavin was Switzerland and they both liked it that way.

“As if you actually paid for that Lostprophets hoodie,” Jez said smirking at him whilst she adjusted the hoodie over her white v necked t-shirt.

“Actually I stole it off Sean,” Gavin replied instantly, grinning widely at her. “He only gets these free because Ian bums the life out of him.”

The early afternoon wore on pleasantly. Gavin helped Jez to organise the merch and boxes. She hated the way that sometimes the shirts were just thrown in and left crumpled in the bottom. So she valiantly carried on straightening the piles and folding up shirts. It would make the post-gig merch buying rush move on smoothly and swiftly.

Jez was relived to be spending her time with Gavin as company. They had dug out an old dilapidated CD player and were dancing around the room to Lady GaGa and then the Noisettes. At times like this Jez genuinely enjoyed tour, but moments like this were rare and fleeting. So she learned to shut up and take what ever came her way.

Halfway through a Beyonce song Jez discovered she couldn’t pin the shirts up because she was out of drawing pins once again. Naturally Gavin gallantly came to the rescue and offered to go to the nearest WHSmith and retrieve a box for her.

Gavin had just walked out promising to also return with Ben and Jerry’s when Oli walked into the room.

Jez had her back turned to him as she observed the selection of t-shirt that had already been hung out. Normally the usual merch people wouldn’t have been bothered much by the way the t-shirts were arranged but for Jez presentation meant everything.

She turned back and was just about to start folding up the medium sized girl t-shirts when her eyes landed on Oli.

“Hey you,” she said with a smile. Spending time with Gavin had lifted her out of her brooding mood.

Oli was a little surprised by her smile but took it in his stride. However, he didn’t reply to her. He just stood in front of her shuffling his feet and standing rather awkwardly; something that naturally didn’t escape Jez.

“Something wrong?” She asked sounding slightly concerned as she straightened out the sleeves of the shirt she was folding.

Oli but his lip as he tried to chose the right words.

Jez laughed a little, not really sure what to think of the situation.

“Well when you’ve got your tongue back let me know ok?” Jez said with a light laugh as she turned back to the boxes to pull out the next crumpled t-shirt that needed attention.

With her back to him, it was somehow easier to actually say the words that Oli had been wrestling with for the major part of the day, and so the perfect word vomit came about.

“Jez I love you.”