Sugar in the Engine

Adelade hated waking up the next morning. Casey wasn't with her, she'd have to face her mother, and possibly her father if he was home, then she'd have to go back to school. Ugh. My life is going down the drain, she thought. But she was driving herself down, single-handedly.

She stumbled out of bed, ran to the shower, pucked her guts out all over herself, then cleaned her body and hair before getting out of the water to get dressed and ready for school. She didn't even care what Jason had to say at school, she just had to get through life, and try to get Casey back.

She stood in the middle of her room and let a tear fall from her eye. She realized her virginity had been taken away, and that she was pushing away everyone that mattered to her. Two days of drugs and sex couldn't be that bad.....could it, she asked herself. "It could," she heard.

Adelade turned around and found Casey standing behind her. She was so happy he was with her that she hugged him tight, glad for once that she was the only one that could feel and hold him. She let more tears fall, though they didn't fall onto Casey's skin. Her tear droplets kept free falling until they collided with the carpet beneath them. "I'm so sorry, Casey," she cried. She wished she could take back everything she'd done with Jason, and she wished she'd never even sat down in that damned drug circle.

Casey pulled Adelade back from him and held her so she could see around him. His face was long and sad, and if he could have her feel his tears, he could have yelled enough for them to fly off his face to hers. "C-Casey, where are y-your wings?" she asked. She clearly remembered seeing bright white wings the last time she saw Casey.

"He took them away. I can only go back home after the sun goes down now, and I can't fly anymore. I have to stay with you at all times, and I won't get my wings back until you improve," he said, on the verge of tears. Adelade felt horrible.

It was her fault, after all, that Casey had his wings taken away. He didn't deserve that, and she didn't deserve him. She was going to clean herself up, to save Casey's salvation, and to save her own, if she had any salvation left.

"I'm so, so sorry Casey. I had no idea He would do that. I promise I'm going to help you get your wings back," Adelade promised. Casey sighed and sat on her bed. He patted the spot next to him, and she sat next to him.

"God sends out Guardian Angels to protect humans from hell, basically. The only people He chooses to be Guardian Angels are the people who would sacrifice their next life for the people they're guarding. God knew I'd give up my next life for an eternity of salvation if you died before I got you out of this mess. The wings are only a small detail of being an Angel. Technically now, I'm just your guardian. I don't mind it, though. We can get through this together, wings or not," he said.

"You say this as if an eternity of salvation is bad," Adelade said. Casey sighed again and looked deep into Adelade's unique green-brown-blue eyes.

"Technically, Adders, it is," he said. She smiled a little when he used her nickname, but then went back to being serious. "People are built to be reborn. Once a soul is sentenced to eternal salvation, they can't ever be born again. You and I, we've been born over and over again, since the beginning of man. Angels who sneak out of eternal salvation are the unborn babies that never get a chance to live, because of the karma of the angel inside them. It's all a big circle of life," Casey told.

Adelade took all of the information in. She was millions, even billions of years old and she didn't even know it until Casey showed up in her life. "You learned all this in one year?" she asked. Casey chuckled lightly and nodded.

"When you're dead, the only thing to worry about is knowledge. The more you learn in your afterlife, the more you'll carry on into your next life. The circle, once again," he answered. Adelade smiled, knowing Casey would know the most, just under God, when he went into his next life. She had faith in him that way.

"In that case, I want you to be reborn, Casey Calvert. I want you to live forever," she said. Casey smiled and wrapped his arms around Adelade.

"Thanks Adders. I want the same for you, too," he replied. Adelade joined in the hug, then sighed and stood up.

"I have to get to school. There's some business I have to take care of," she said. She was going to tell Jason that, if he ever came near her again, she'd get a restraining order against him. She knew she could live without drugs, or his disgusting sex. She could do so, so much better than Jason Martin.

"Let's get going, then!" Casey said. He was excited for the Jason-show down. He wanted to see how strong Adelade really was.

"Hey Casey," Adelade called as they got in her car. She got him to look at her as she pulled down the road. "Would it be weird if I told you I loved you. Like, as a friend?" she asked. She had to respect Casey's past. His family was across the country from them, and she couldn't love him the way his wife ever did. She knew that.

Casey smiled nonetheless. "No, it wouldn't be weird. I love you too, as a friend, Adelade. You're just....really hard to keep under control," he said to her. He shrugged and changed the station on the radio. He had turned on Adelade's favorite station, the local rock station.

"Today on 103.1, The Buzz* we have special guests, Hawthorne Heights! J.T. Woodruff, Micha Carli, Eron Bucciarelli, and Matt Ridenour are here in the studio to talk about their new album, Fragile Future!" they heard. There was a silence shared between Adelade and Casey as they listened to the broadcast.

"Hey guys!"

"Hi, it's really nice being here," Casey heard. He automatically realized the voice as J.T. He turned the radio down a little, but just so it wasn't too loud.

"We can turn it off, if you want, Casey," Adelade said. Casey shook his head and turned the radio back up again.

"Almost a year ago, you guys lost a very near and dear friend and fellow band made, Casey Calvert. There have been rumors that this album in dedicated to him. Are these rumors true?"

"Sort of, ha-ha. Some of the songs, one in particular being Sugar In The Engine, is totally and completely about our feelings when we found him. Some of the last lines hit us the most: On November 24th, I woke up, just like any other day. The beginning of another tour. Just another city I've already seen before. If I only knew, last night was the last time, I would ever see you again, I would've said goodnight. I would've said I love you. I would've said goodbye," the two heard Eron say.

Casey stared crying. The tears were just...flowing out of his eyes. "There's our first single off the album, Rescue Me, which is kind of...our take on how he might have felt the night before. We certainly dedicated that one to Casey," J.T. said. More tears flew out of Casey's eyes.

"How did you four do it? Go on without Casey, that is?"

"It was hard. We had a lot to think about. Casey was a huge part of the band, and without him, we thought we weren't Hawthorne Heights anymore. His wife, Ashely, spent a lot of time with my family, my wife Nikki and her grew to be good friends, and my daughter Avery loves Ashley's company. But my point is that Ashley's really the one that pushed us through everything. She got us to realized that Casey wouldn't want us to give up, even without him. It took us a while for us to realize she was right."

J.T.'s words hit Casey hard, and Adelade pulled over to bring her Guardian into her arms.