Declaration

Christmas morning found Deirdre staring at the front door of her and Kevin's apartment more then a little nervous about opening it. Kevin's words from the night before kept echoing through her head all night and the second she woke up that morning the only thing she could think about was getting home to him. She felt slightly bad about leaving Nick and Joe at her parents house for Christmas alone; but knew they'd be more then entertained and well fed.

"Come on Doyle," she muttered, her hand with her keys hovering at the lock. "Just open the door and apologize to him."

She finally mustered up the courage a few seconds later and unlocked their door. Opening it up and stepping through she relaxed at the sights that greeted her. Their living room looked exactly as they had left it; there was even still an empty coffee cup on the counter in the kitchen.

"Oh thank God," she whispered softly as she placed her purse on the couch. She immediately kicked off her boots and shed her coat before moving swiftly back to their bedroom; it was when she pushed open the door that she froze. The bed was unmade, as they had left it; but, the sight of their closet open and half empty sent her heart straight into her stomach.

Kevin had left his dresser drawers partially open, almost as though to assure her that he really was gone. She slowly moved around the room and methodically shut the closet door and the drawers so she wouldn't need to stare at them or even think about them. Then with her body entirely numb Dee found herself moving to Kevin's side of the bed. She examined his night stand extra carefully and felt her eyes start to burn as she realized his spare glasses and the book he had been reading were both also gone from their usual spots.

"He didn't even stay here last night," she whispered, picking up a nightshirt she had thrown onto his side of the bed when she was changing the day before. A nightshirt that still sat in the exact same place she had left it. Muffling a sob she crawled onto his side of the bed and buried her head in his pillow suddenly, for the first time in a very long time, completely unsure of what to do with herself.

She woke up a few hours later and blearily stumbled out of their bedroom, refusing to look at anything that would remind her that Kevin was gone and immediately opened a bottle of wine; ignoring the fact that it was only three in the afternoon.

"Merry fucking Christmas," she muttered, more angry with herself then anyone else at that moment. "You couldn't just say yes?"

Once her wine was poured and some semblance of an early dinner had been thrown together Dee took a seat at their table and began to eat the food mechanically, barely tasting a single bite of it. The rest of her evening went along those lines - she watched tv, she drank a bottle of wine, she called her parents and wished them a Merry Christmas, she avoided all talk of Kevin and ignored her Mother when the woman called her an idiot, she drank another bottle of wine, she watched another movie, she cried a bit. Essentially, par for the course when the love of your life actually moves out of the apartment you share.

It was around eleven that night that she finally poured herself into their bed, on Kevin's side, and laid down, pulling the engagement ring out of the box she had left it in earlier that morning. The beautiful solitaire sparkled in the minimal light from the bedside table and the longer she stared at it the more she felt like a vice was gripping her chest.

"He just needs a few days to cool down," she whispered slipping the ring back in the box and setting it on the night table. "Just a few days and he'll realize how stupid this all is. Then he'll come home. We love each other. He'll come home."
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"Morning guys," Kevin greeted his brothers the morning of the 28th of December as they both walked out of their bedrooms looking exhausted. "Want coffee?"

"What I want," Nick began, accepting the cup at the same time. "Is my couch back."

"Funny, I seem to remember having this conversation with you about my couch at one point."

"Not funny Kevin," Joe shot back, only slightly less irritated as he had taken to spending more time at Tom or Erica's apartments to avoid the tension in his own. "When are you going home?"

"As soon as I find a place," the oldest brother replied.

"You have a place. It's downtown. Nice little one bedroom apartment. Oh hey, there's a gorgeous brunette in it too," Nick muttered. "A gorgeous brunette who is not happy right now."

"Good," Kevin shot back.

"Good?!" Joe and Nick both nearly yelled in shock.

"Yes, good," Kevin repeated. "I'm not going to just bend over backwards and go crawling back this time. She needs to see that this is for real."

"How long are you going to wait Kevin?"

Kevin shrugged at Joe's question and exhaled as he considered it, "I really don't know. I honestly figured she'd be back by now."

"She's probably doing exactly what she was doing when I went to see her yesterday," Nick interjected.

"Which is?" Kevin asked eagerly.

"Sitting on the couch holding your pillow and staring at either her cell phone or the door."

"Oh," Kevin whispered.

"Yea. She's waiting for you to come home."

"She needs to come to me this time guys," Kevin finally told them seriously. "I need to know. Even if she doesn't come back saying she'll marry me. I need to know that she came to me."

"She loves you Kevin," Joe told his brother seriously.

"I know she does. I love her. But, I don't know if that's enough for me. I need to know that she wants forever."

"Of course she wants forever," Nick groaned. "She's just not ready to get married yet. Why isn't that enough for you?"

"We're twenty-four years old Nick. We've already been married. I've seen the entire world. I've made millions. I've already had my damned life. I want the next step!"

"But are you willing to risk losing her forever over this?" Nick snapped.

"I won't lose her forever guys. Don't be ridiculous. We love each other. She'll ask me to come home. Soon."

Nick sighed and Joe ran a hand through his hair looking harried. Neither of Kevin's younger brothers saw his plan working out for the couple; but they were both holding out hope that by some miracle Kevin was right and that Dee just needed time to believe that he really wouldn't come back until she came for him. Neither one was sure they should point out that Dee was waiting for the same thing.

"I'm going to Tom's," Joe mumbled uncomfortably.

"Yea," Nick agreed quickly. "I've got a thing, soon too. Bye."
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The phone ringing woke Deirdre on New Years Eve and she immediately grabbed it without looking at the caller ID, answering it the same way she had been for a week, "Kevin?!"

"Umm, no. It's Pete," her friends familiar voice replied. "You ok?"

"Pete?"

"Yea, how've you been?" Dee stared at the wall in shock and tried to formulate an answer. She hadn't been expecting to hear from her friend due to the holiday season and Ashlee recently announcing that she was pregnant again. "Dee?"

"Not so good," she finally choked out. "Kevin left me."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know!" Silence came from the other end of the phone at her exclamation; silence that was quickly followed by a snort of laughter. "Don't laugh at me you asshole," Dee snapped.

"I'm sorry Dee, but, you don't know? How can you not know?"

"He proposed. I said no. He left me."

"Oh Dee," Pete groaned. "You've really screwed up this time haven't you?"

"I have not screwed up," she told him. "This isn't the first fight we've had."

"But, Dee?"

"No. I'm not going to call him if he obviously doesn't want me to. I'm fine."

"So fine that you answered the phone with his name?"

"Yea, well, he left some stuff here," Dee muttered angrily. "I want it out of my apartment."

"Bullshit. Deirdre, you are so stubborn and so sure of yourself. And those are amazing qualities about you when it comes to everything in your life - except your love life. You need to make the move this time Dee."

"No, he just needs a few days to cool off. He loves me."

"That's a change of tune," Pete joked. "One second you're pissed at him and one second he'll be back. Which do you want Dee?"

"I want him to come home," she whispered quietly, feeling choked up again. "I miss him."

"There's an easy fix to that Dee."

"No," she insisted. "I can't. I know him. He'd call if he wanted to hear from me. He isn't ready to talk yet."

"God damnit Deirdre," Pete finally snapped. "Just fucking call him. Tell him you love him."

"But he wants me to marry him," she replied quietly. "I'm scared Pete."

"It's time to face your fears Dee," was his quiet answer. "You have to take a chance and you're going to have to do it now."

"How's Ash?" she asked changing the subject.

"Four months along and craving everything in sight," Pete replied with a proud tone of voice. "It's a girl."

"Well, it's about time your swimmers did their job right," Dee joked. "And this one better look like Mommy."

"Oh, no. She better look like me. If she looks like me I have less boys to beat off with a stick."

"Pete honey? Have you looked in the mirror lately?"
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"You can do this," Dee whispered to her reflection in the mirror of the crowded bathroom.

Pete's words from that morning had been running through her head non-stop. She kept hearing him all but tell her to suck it up and put her pride aside. It wasn't until she saw an envelope on the refrigerator that she realized what she had to do.

She took one final glance down at the one piece of jewelry she had chosen for the party and nodded, "You can do this."

Dee left the bathroom and wandered through the restaurant's reception hall. She smiled and greeted people she knew all the while her eyes scanned for the one person she was there to see. The nervousness in her stomach grew more prevalent as time passed and she couldn't find Kevin. The sudden terrifying thought that he hadn't come to the New Year's Eve party crossed her mind; but she immediately pushed it aside knowing he had been talking about it for weeks as Nick would be performing a few songs after midnight.

She finally spotted him after almost a full hour of searching that had her frantic as it was now ten minutes to midnight; he was hiding in the corner, nursing a scotch and looking as miserable as she had felt for the last week. She watched for a few very short minutes as he stood there leaning against the wall and stared at the floor. When enough time had passed she slowly stepped out from behind the pillar she had been hiding behind, walked the few feet to place her in front of him and watched as his eyes widened in surprise tracing the length of her body from the legs up.

"Hi," she whispered and waved with her right hand.

"Dee?" Kevin questioned nervously, reaching out with his hand to touch her cheek as though to assure himself she was really there. Dee tilted her head into his palm and sighed, which turned into a soft moan when his fingers skimmed down the length of her neck and over her bare shoulders that were exposed by the cocktail dress. "What are you doing here?"

"It's New Years Eve," she replied simply. "And besides," she added as the final minute countdown began. "I've heard that you're supposed to be doing whatever you want to do for the rest of the year at midnight."

"And what do you want to do for the rest of the year?" Kevin asked in a husky voice.

"Kissing you seemed like a good start," she whispered as the crowd reached ten and began shouting the rest of the countdown.

"It seems like a very good start," Kevin replied just as the room exploded in cheers proclaiming the new year was there. The couple in the corner was oblivious though as their lips pressed together and their arms wrapped around each other. Dee felt wet tears on her cheek and much like another New Years kiss she had shared with this man she wasn't entirely certain who they belonged to.

She didn't care either.

As the room began to sing Aud Lang Sine she pulled away from Kevin's searching mouth and looked up at him seriously, "Can we change the rule to what we want to be doing for the rest of our lives?"

"What?" Kevin asked in shock without releasing his hold on her body.

"I'm ready."

The grin that split Kevin's face at her words was all the assurance Dee needed and she squealed as he picked her up and swung her around before setting her on her feet and kissing her again.

"I love you so much," he whispered against her lips and then brought her left hand up to his mouth and kissed the ring that sat on her finger. "Forever."

"Forever," Dee breathed before losing herself once again in Kevin's kisses.