Do What It Takes to Survive

(Lana’s P.O.V.)

Gerard met my eyes. He looked torn and undecided, like he was having an argument with himself in his head. I waited patiently for him to decide whatever he was debating with himself about.

“Lana…” he said slowly, “I need to tell you something.”

He was so serious it made me nervous.

“In case we die…” he whispered, moving closer to me. Before I had time to react, he brought his lips to mine. My first instinct was to move away, but his hands were already behind my head, locking it into place.

After a few seconds I realized I didn’t want to escape anymore. It felt nice, and he was very gentle. A week or so ago, I would have been furious. I would’ve forced him away from me, maybe even bit him, sworn at him, and threatened to kill him, but now… Now I didn’t want to force him away. I wanted to stay close to him, even this close.

I didn’t want to swear at him or insult him. As his lips moved with mine, I knew I would never want to hurt him again. I think that was when I started kissing back. I wound my arms around his neck.

This should not have happened. If we hadn’t been kidnapped, we would have gone on hating each other without a second thought. But being kidnapped had forced me to see the good side of him, and there was a very big part of him that was good.

Even though he had hated me too, he had given me most of the food. I had to give him credit for that. And the way he had protected me from Tattoo Face was more than flattering. How could I ignore that? And then there was the concern in his eyes when he looked at my bruises. When I had been so scared and tired I was almost dead inside, it looked like it had been causing him pain.

All too soon, Gerard pulled away from me. He let go of me and let his hands fall limply to his sides. His eyes were closed, but his face was so twisted he looked like he was in physical pain.

Something in me broke. It was that last little part of me that wanted to deny that I loved him. There was no other way to describe how I felt.

But he seemed convinced otherwise, because he said weakly, “Go ahead. Call me names. Curse me. Tell me you hate me. Threaten to kill me. I’m done now. That was all I needed.”

“What if I don’t want to do any of those things?” I cried.

He frowned for a second, and then he laughed darkly. “Oh, you’re good. You know that pretending you don’t hate me will only hurt me more.” Still, his eyes remained closed.

I scowled. “You’re impossible. I’m not pretending, you idiot.”

He didn’t smile, but his voice was amused. “See? Here comes the name calling.”

I sighed, exasperated. “Stop it! I’m serious! I don’t hate you anymore. How could I hate you? How could I… How could I not love you? Don’t you get it?”

He opened his eyes and smiled. “Prove it.”

So I kissed him. When we finally came apart, we were both gasping for air. Then he put his lips to my black and blue throat.

“But do you mean it?” he muttered before kissing every part of my throat that was bruised.

“I mean it,” I confirmed as he moved to my cheek. I couldn’t think of any better way to say it. It was hard for me to think about anything but him. Nobody had ever kissed me like this. I could just tell that he really cared about me.

He touched his forehead to mine and searched my eyes. “I believe you now.”

I laughed. “Good, because I’m not going any farther than this.”

He grinned and said, “I didn’t ask you to.”

He kissed me shortly one last time before he turned me all the way around so that my back was against his chest. He held my waist and put his chin on my shoulder. I put my hands over his.

That was when he felt my right ring finger. It was swollen and purple, but I had carefully hid it from him before. There was nothing he could do about my broken finger, so why worry him with it?

“Lana!” he exclaimed, picking up my hand. “What happened to your finger?”

“Tattoo Face – I mean The Boss – kicked it,” I answered reluctantly. Was he going to blow this out of proportion?

Yes, apparently he was. “I’ll kill him!”

I shook my head. “It’s just a broken finger. If you go looking for him, we’ll both probably get killed. Think sensibly. If we get out of here alive, the police will catch him. It’s not like he’ll be hard to find. He’d stand out easily in a crowd.”

“Who said he’d be in a crowd?” Gerard demanded.

I sighed. “Even if he isn’t, someone will know who he is, and they’ll be able to find him. He must be in criminal records. Why else would he wear gloves when he was holding the video camera?”

Gerard’s mouth fell open. “How did you even notice that? You were half dead when he video taped us.”

“Just because I couldn’t breathe doesn’t mean I was blind,” I retorted indignantly, frowning.

He laughed. “I guess not. Don’t get mad at me.”

“I’m not,” I said, still a little annoyed.

“Old habits die hard, huh?” Gerard grinned.

I giggled. “I guess so, but you can always replace them with new habits.”

“I’m up for that.” He set my hand down carefully, but only after kissing my finger.

We were silent, and I felt his heart thudding hyperactively. No wonder it had been going crazy when he woke up and found me on top of him and when I spoke.

“And now we wait,” I said gloomily.

“And now we wait,” he echoed firmly.