Had My Heart on Lockdown

‘I’m going out, mom!’ I shouted over the banister.

‘Ok, honey, dinner’s at seven, will you be home?’

I scrunched up my face in thought.

‘Probably.’

Taking a quick look at myself in the mirror, I smirked. My auburn hair flowed past my shoulders, its delicate waves framing my face perfectly. I grabbed my cardigan off my bed and put it on, before grabbing my car keys and darting downstairs and out the front door.

I opened the car windows as I sped down the road, singing loudly along to I Don’t Care by Fall Out Boy, gaining some odd looks from pedestrians, but shrugging them off. I’d had my own car for close to two years, but there was still something so liberating about being able to drive myself around, no more broken air conditioning, no more dodgy music from my parents. Freedom.

I continued driving, tapping my finger on the steering wheel to the beat of the music, grinning broadly as I pulled up to Beth’s house. I yanked the key out of the car, stopping the engine and the music, and made my way to the front door.

I didn’t even bother knocking, I’d known Beth for eighteen years, and she’d been my best friend for most of those years; part of my nineteenth birthday present from her had been a house key – she claimed it was pointless for her to get up and answer the door.

‘Beth, you’d best not still be in bed! I’m here, and we’re going to do something productive!’ I declared loudly, dumping my bag by the door and awaiting a reply. There wasn’t one.

Sighing resolutely, I began to climb the stairs, fully prepared to drag her out of bed.

‘Beth! Get up!’ I whined, walking into her bedroom and stopping short when I realised she wasn’t in her bed.

I stared around the room, flapping my arms slightly, before striding over to her en-suite. I reached the doorway and stopped dead in my tracks.

I staggered backwards, holding onto the doorway for support and doubling over as a sob escaped my body.

The white-tiled bathroom was stained in blood, and it had all come from Beth’s wrists. She sat next to the bath, slouched down, a razor blade held feebly between the thumb and index finger of her right hand.

Her lower half was stained in red, but her face and hair was untouched, unmarred.

I stood for a few seconds, trying to absorb the scene before my eyes, before I fell to my knees beside her, checking her non-existent pulse and tapping her cheek in a desperate attempt to wake her up. It was futile, she just sat there, limp, lifeless.

Convinced that there was something I could do to save her, I stood up, sobbing desperately, and exited the bathroom, making my way downstairs to the front door, leaning on the wall for support.

I stumbled out of the house onto the sidewalk, my voice cracking as I screamed for someone to come and help. Still sobbing, I slowly sank onto the concrete.

I was vaguely aware that people had started congregating around me.

‘Oh my God, she’s bleeding!’ I heard a woman cry. I turned so I could look back at the house, expecting her to be talking about Beth, expecting Beth to be standing there, but she wasn’t.

I looked down at the ground, catching sight of my blood-covered arms and hands. As comprehension swept through me, I frantically shook my head.

‘No!! No!! It’s not me! You’ve got to help Beth! Please! Go and help her!’

‘Sweetie,’ a woman said, kneeling down beside me. ‘Who’s Beth? Where is she?’

‘She’s inside, she – she,’ I couldn’t bring myself to voice what she’d done. ‘There’s blood everywhere.’ I lifted my head and looked her straight in the eyes. ‘You’ve got to help her, please!’ I implored.

I collapsed in tears again, someone came over and started checking if I was actually ok, but I shrugged them away, standing up again and approaching the house.

As I got to the entrance to the house, someone bustled past me and dashed upstairs with a simple cry of ‘i’m a doctor!’

I slowly followed his path upstairs, reaching the en-suite once again as he pulled away from Beth and looked up at the other man and woman in the room.

‘She’s gone,’ he said sadly, shaking his head.

‘NOOOOOO!!’ I shrieked, pushing him out of the way and kneeling beside Beth.

‘Beth! Wake up! You’re not dead! Come on! WAKE UP!’

‘I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do,’ the doctor said, pulling me away from her.

I turned around and started hitting his chest angrily.

‘Why?! Why can’t you do anything? You’ve got to save her! I can’t lose her!’ each time I hit him, I lost some of my strength, eventually collapsing against him. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around me, attempting to console me. It didn’t work. I doubted anything would.