I feel like flying
Away from normal to even more normal
I don't know. Something was torturing me. Grabbing me inside and tearing me apart and I felt weight of pressure on my chest. It took me long to realize what's happening. It was pure animal paranoia, the worst feeling of all times. Even worse than love, I think.
That day I had to do the most annoying thing ever. I had to be job interviewed by my father's friend for a job in a smaller company that works with computer software. The job included contacting clients and informing them about our offers and shit like that. Gosh, I'm the most inappropriate person to do that. I hate people and I don't care about computers. Computers are lifeless machines with no free will which can't control themselves. What about human beings? In fact they're the same.Anyway, now I'm a drop out from school and I should be happy about the fact that I got an opportunity to live a happy normal life without any hard fighting to survive. Like it matters.
I closed my eyes and pretended that I'm sleeping and imagined how great it was when I was a little, child with no worries and lots of friends. True, they were imaginable but I hated the word people putted before the expression imaginable friends. Just. Just imaginable friends. Just? Just?! Yeah, your shallow little friendships good only for cheap talk are more valuable. I hate their guts for being so judgmental. They should just drop it and we'll be all happy.
Suddenly our servant checked if I'm getting ready for the interview. Well, true, I kind of need baby sitter, but my parents are still exaggerating. She's like their slave, meant to do all the things they should do and correct mistakes that they made as a parents. I rarely speak to her, because I think she's unnecessary. When I heard her knocking on the door I opened them, slowly nodded while looking in her empty eyes and then quickly closed the door back.
I sat down on a bed and felt like puking. Whit all my powers I concentrated to open a wardrobe to search clothes that would look normal. I slowly putted on the most boring skirt and shirt I could found. I also putted on the make up, which I never wear. When I checked myself in the mirror I couldn't recognize myself. I felt such a painfully empty feeling when I was looking in my reflection. I went down in a kitchen and my mum hugged me. It was weird hugging her. We never do that. Only thing that was making it normal was the fact that it was fake. She had one of those confused smiles on her when she whispered:
"You're so lovely." I managed to fake a little smile, and shut down all my thoughts. For the first time in my life I felt that I belong to her. It was the most oddest and and unwanted feeling I ever felt.
I went out of the room, slowly waving without turning back. When I turned on the car I started my second most enjoyable routine - driving. I blocked thoughts of a pleasurable endless driving to the infinity and turned my car on the left. Location - my new job.
That day I had to do the most annoying thing ever. I had to be job interviewed by my father's friend for a job in a smaller company that works with computer software. The job included contacting clients and informing them about our offers and shit like that. Gosh, I'm the most inappropriate person to do that. I hate people and I don't care about computers. Computers are lifeless machines with no free will which can't control themselves. What about human beings? In fact they're the same.Anyway, now I'm a drop out from school and I should be happy about the fact that I got an opportunity to live a happy normal life without any hard fighting to survive. Like it matters.
I closed my eyes and pretended that I'm sleeping and imagined how great it was when I was a little, child with no worries and lots of friends. True, they were imaginable but I hated the word people putted before the expression imaginable friends. Just. Just imaginable friends. Just? Just?! Yeah, your shallow little friendships good only for cheap talk are more valuable. I hate their guts for being so judgmental. They should just drop it and we'll be all happy.
Suddenly our servant checked if I'm getting ready for the interview. Well, true, I kind of need baby sitter, but my parents are still exaggerating. She's like their slave, meant to do all the things they should do and correct mistakes that they made as a parents. I rarely speak to her, because I think she's unnecessary. When I heard her knocking on the door I opened them, slowly nodded while looking in her empty eyes and then quickly closed the door back.
I sat down on a bed and felt like puking. Whit all my powers I concentrated to open a wardrobe to search clothes that would look normal. I slowly putted on the most boring skirt and shirt I could found. I also putted on the make up, which I never wear. When I checked myself in the mirror I couldn't recognize myself. I felt such a painfully empty feeling when I was looking in my reflection. I went down in a kitchen and my mum hugged me. It was weird hugging her. We never do that. Only thing that was making it normal was the fact that it was fake. She had one of those confused smiles on her when she whispered:
"You're so lovely." I managed to fake a little smile, and shut down all my thoughts. For the first time in my life I felt that I belong to her. It was the most oddest and and unwanted feeling I ever felt.
I went out of the room, slowly waving without turning back. When I turned on the car I started my second most enjoyable routine - driving. I blocked thoughts of a pleasurable endless driving to the infinity and turned my car on the left. Location - my new job.