Fracture

Jack had an early morning interview the day before Natalie flew in, so he missed the time I spent next to the toilet before I wandered to the tent. Pete left me alone for most of the day, beginning to compile records as the end of the tour was coming closer.

I continued selling t-shirts and CD's as pain killers I'd taken for a migraine finally began to kick in. Natalie would be here in less than 24 hours, and I'd begun to look forward to what she would be bringing with her more than anything. I had far too many questions looming over my head.

She'd declared she was bringing the "easy to read" pregnancy tests, as if they'd make the result what I hoped it would be. But I was starting to realize there were consequences to the very adult decision Jack and I had made.

"You look like you're somewhere else right now," John observed as he slid behind the table and sat in Pete's vacant chair.

I sighed and looked over at him, "I am."

"Well, stop!" He laughed, "There's barely any time left on the tour, and Nat's gonna be here tomorrow! Start getting happy!"

I forced a smile, trying my best to appreciate his perky attitude, "You're right, John O."

"When's Pete coming back?" He asked, propping his feet on the table.

"I'm not sure. Could be soon, could be never," I laughed lightly and stood up when a customer came to the table.

The young girl purchased one of the label's samplers, then shyly asked John to autograph it for her. I smiled, watching the whole exchange. It was odd knowing how normal and kind the members of these bands were, but they were idolized as if they had more to offer than anyone else.

I wished fans would realize there were more honorable things than standing on a stage and playing instruments. That the world would continue without these bands. That fans themselves probably had more to offer than some of the people I'd met on this tour.

But if it kept my friends busy and happy and fulfilled, then it really didn't matter what I thought. As long as none of them took it all too seriously or let trivial bullshit get to their heads, then nothing else should matter.

As I mulled over my thoughts and John's mini-crowd started to grow, I realized just how much I'd learned over such a short span of time: You can't take yourself too seriously. Life is too short for anything but living it to the fullest. It's okay to be young and reckless.

"But not reckless in the sense of having irresponsible sexual relations," Natalie piped up, looking at Juliet.

"Did you seriously just say 'sexual relations', Aunt Nat?" Juliet laughed.

"Hey, you listen to her!" I scolded my daughter.

Juliet held her hands up in protest, a wide smile plastered on her face, "The only people I've heard say that are my old as dirt health teacher and Bill Clinton."

"Remind me to cancel cable at our house," I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, babe," Jack smiled as he walked onto the bus that night.

I hadn't seen him all day, and he'd shortly replied to any text messages I'd sent him. I decided to forget it as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. He was probably busy all day.

"Good day?" I asked, spinning around in his arms to look at him.

"Better now," He gave me a cheesy grin.

"Oh goodness," I laughed, pulling out of his arms and going back to the cereal I had started eating.

He sat across from me, stealing bites from my Cinnamon Toast Crunch and talking to Garrett and John who were playing Halo.

"Who's picking up Natalie tomorrow?" Jack asked.

John gleefully raised a hand, quickly returning it to his controller so he wouldn't miss a thing.

Jack raised an eyebrow and looked at me, "Are you not going with?"

"Pete needs me to cover all day tomorrow," I told him, pouting my bottom lip, "But Natalie promised she'd be by the tent as soon as she got back to the grounds."

"Do what you gotta do," Jack shrugged, pulling the bowl of cereal across the table to him.

I grabbed it back protectively, "Get your own, dick!"

"No, I want yours," He smirked.

"You're a pain in the ass, Barakat," I stood quickly from the table, grabbing the bowl of cereal and hugging it to my body.

I speed walked to the back lounge, with Jack on my heels, "Gimme that, Emily!"

"Never!" I yelled, trying to shut the door to the lounge.

Jack overpowered me and ended up wrestling me onto the couch, spilling milk and soggy cereal all over the both of us. He laid on top of me, the both of us laughing. I picked up a stray square of cereal and put it into Jack's mouth, making us both laugh more.

I guess it's weird what made us happy back then. The simplest things, I suppose. But we were happy during those weeks we were together on the Warped Tour. I always felt those happy moments were the only thing other than Juliet that stayed with me when the bliss ended.

***

"Ohmigawd, do you know where I can find All Time Low?" An obnoxious voice asked the next day.

I looked up from the People Magazine that had been occupying my attention to see Natalie's grinning face.

"NATALIE!" I yelled, nearly jumping over the table to wrap my arms around her.

We stayed in a tight hug for half a minute before pulling away, both of us still smiling. Her hair was pulled back into a picture-perfect messy bun, and her beautiful eyes were covered with dark sunglasses.

"I've missed you, Em," She told me, smiling.

I pulled her into the tent and made her ramble on about the happenings back home. Her parents, her job, our friends. I even asked her about the weather.

It wasn't long before she turned it around, though, "I know you're trying to avoid talking about what's going on with you, Em. How have you been feeling?"

I sighed, "Is it that obvious?"

"I know you too well, girl," She laughed.

"I've been feeling terrible," I admitted, looking around for anyone we knew before turning back to her, "And I'm really starting to get scared about this whole pregnant thing."

Natalie bit her lip, "What symptoms or whatever have you had?"

"Getting sick almost every morning, headaches, dizziness," I racked my brain, "But this morning I had a little spotting."

Natalie looked at me apprehensively, "I'm not trying to freak you out, but I did a bunch of research back home, and you can experience a little bit of bleeding because of implantation."

"I'm sure I just need to stop worrying," I tried to convince myself, "If I stress, my period will come even later."

"Em, don't bullshit yourself," Natalie told me firmly, "All the signs are there."

Tears welled up in my eyes and Natalie scooted her chair next to mine, hugging me over the divide. I bit my lip, praying I wouldn't start any waterworks.

"I brought the tests," Natalie pulled away from me, stroking my hair, "We'll find a little bit of time to ourselves tonight and see what happens."

I nodded my head, picking at the polish on my nails.

"Have you talked to Jack at all?" Natalie asked after a short silence.

"I've been trying pretty hard to tell myself it's not true," I admitted, "So I have no idea what I'd even say to him."

"You need to talk to him," She told me, standing up as a customer approached the table, "And soon."

I knew she was right, but it all seemed so terrible. Like a black cloud hanging over my head, that even the people I kept closest to me were oblivious of.

John returned to the table as I finished, cradling Kyla gently in his arms as she cooed up at him. I could swear that I saw Juliet look longingly at the two of them for a split second before she quickly looked away and composed herself.

I felt extremely guilty that she'd never had Jack in her life. I hoped she would understand. If not now, then maybe someday.

Natalie and I stood in the small bathroom, staring down at the plastic stick I'd just peed on. We were impatiently staring at it, willing the screen to tell us the results.

"A watched pot never boils," She shrugged, looking at me.

"You're not helping," I rolled my eyes, uneasily biting my lip.

"I'm just saying," She told me in a sing-song tone.

There was a knock on the door, followed by Pat whining, "I have to piss!"

Natalie cracked the door open at looked at him, "You're a guy. Go pee outside."

"I want to be a civilized human being, please!" Pat hopped from one foot to another, his hands over his crotch.

"Sorry, Pat. We're busy," Natalie shut the door and turned back to me.

"How long is this thing supposed to take?" I asked her, searching for the box.

"It should be going any second now," She smiled at me, glancing at the test.

And she was right. Within seconds, the screen had gone from blinking to the results. I picked up the stick and examined the small electronic screen more closely. As if that would change anything.

But right there, in black writing, it told me my fate. "PREGNANT".

"Do you want to take another, just to make sure?" Natalie asked.

I nodded feverishly as she opened another test. And a third. They all read the same thing, but I continued standing in the bathroom, staring down at the sticks that I'd lined all up in a row.

"We should schedule a doctor's appointment for you," Natalie told me softly.

I nodded, still staring down at the plastic that decided the rest of my life. I took a deep breath as tears started to fall. Natalie pulled me into her arms and I sobbed into her chest. I never anticipated or expected this speed bump in my life.

"We're so happy that we have such a beautiful girl in our lives, though," Natalie smiled across the table at Juliet.

"Aw, shucks, Aunt Nat," Juliet smirked.

"But really, don't think that all of this makes us love you any less," John smiled at her.

"Yeah, yeah," Juliet rolled her eyes, "I'm gonna go see Mini John."

Juliet stood up from the table and walked in the direction of John's room.

"How do you think she's taking this?" I asked John and Natalie, biting my lip.

"I think you're doing an amazing job, Em," Natalie reached out to grab my hand.

"Thanks, Nat," I smiled at the woman who'd been my best friend for years.

Natalie was the one who'd gotten me through every moment since we'd first met. Not to mention the man she'd fallen in love with, who had ended up being even more of a savior during those summer months than I could have imagined.