Fracture

Juliet had rejoined us at the table, bringing "Mini John" with her. He sat contentedly in her lap, Legos on the table in front of him.

"Will you keep going?" Juliet asked, looking up at me.

I smiled, "Of course, sweetie."

But I knew it only got harder from here on out.

Natalie laid beside me in my bunk that night. Fending off questions from not only Jack, but every male on the bus. She'd somehow convinced John to take everyone somewhere I didn't care about, so I didn't feel self-conscience as I cried.

I remember that night being the first time I'd cried myself to sleep as Natalie rubbed her hand up and down my spine soothingly, softly humming "Jessica" by Austin Gibbs into my ear. I would end up having many nights like this after Warped Tour ended, but Natalie wasn't always there to keep me company.

Most of the time, I laid buried under the covers in my queen bed, sobbing until I was too exhausted to keep my eyes open anymore. But there on Warped Tour, I had Natalie every day. I knew she slipped away while I was asleep to spend a small amount of time with John, but she was always miraculously there when I woke up fitfully.

I woke up the next morning to Natalie shaking me gently, whispering how it was time to get to the tent. I obliged reluctantly, dragging my feet as I went into the vacant bathroom. While the lukewarm water fell onto me, washing the past night away, I made a decision.

I would stay strong the rest of the days left on Warped Tour. No more break downs until I was in the safety of my own home, away from spectators and naysayers.

***

"Have you talked to Jack yet?" Natalie asked that afternoon as she sipped on Arizona Tea with her feet propped up.

She didn't realize it, but she was taking on more and more of her boyfriend's traits. I found it completely adorable.

I bit my lip and took a drink of my Snapple, pausing before telling her, "No."

She shot me a sideways glance, "You have to do it sooner or later. And I'm hoping it's sooner, since you have less than a week left on this tour."

"I know," I shrugged.

"And then after that week, he'll be off touring somewhere else," She added.

"You're right," I nodded, taking a breath.

"And when he's on tour without you, it'll be a lot harder to break the news-"

"Nat," I cut her off, "I get it."

"Sorry," She told me with wide eyes, taking another sip from the tall can.

"I know I have to tell him, but I just don't know how I'm going to do it," I admitted, "And what if he doesn't take it well? What if he doesn't want anything to do with me? What if he gets pissed?"

Natalie scooted closer to me and put her head on my shoulder, "There's a possibility of all of that, but you have to give him the option."

"What about my options?" I looked down at her.

"What do you mean?" She sat up and looked at me, "Like, other than having the baby?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, I mean..."

"Sweetie, if you want to think about that stuff, you have to give Jack a say, too," She told me softly, "I know it's your body, and ultimately your decision, but he should know what you're thinking."

"You're right," I nodded, turning the glass bottle around in my hands.

"I'll support you whatever you do, though," She smiled, squeezing my shoulder.

***

Natalie had scheduled me a doctor's appointment for the following day, and we would be taking a cab into the city to do so. I'd asked Pete to cover while I was gone, and he agreed even though I refused to tell him why.

I'd managed to somehow avoid Jack all day, and he was starting to notice my evasiveness. John told me Jack was on his way over as I sat beside Natalie in the back lounge, flipping through gossip magazines.

"Why?" I asked the tall boy standing in front of us, suddenly feeling panicked.

"Something about how you won't answer his texts or calls?" John shrugged.

"Em, you have to talk to him anyway," Natalie offered, looking up from Us Weekly.

"I wanted to do it on my own time," I told her, biting my lip.

She shrugged, "He's deciding the right time, I guess."

I sat nervously as John settled down next to Natalie, nuzzling into her neck as she laughed and tried to push him away. Before this, I'd thought it was endearing. Now, it was making me feel sick all over again.

I stood up from the couch and made my way into the front lounge where Garrett and Pat were playing video games. They were cursing at each other and the screen as they spoke about the game in lingo I didn't understand.

My stomach dropped as I heard the bus door open and saw Jack slowly climb the stairs. He waved and smiled to Garret and Pat before his eyes landed on me, sitting at the table. I peered anxiously down at my hands and looked back up.

He gaze was still fixed on me, and the tension must have been filling the air, because Pat piped up, "Do you want us to leave or something?"

"No, it's fine," Jack shook his head, "We'll go talk outside."

I took a deep breath as I stood up from the table and followed him outside. I noticed his head hanging low as I followed him away from the bus on the gravel lot.

"Do we need to talk or something?" He finally asked as I fell into stride with him.

"You seem like the one who can answer that," I shrugged, shoving my hands in my pocket.

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to me, "Really? Because I've been the one trying to talk to you, but you've been ignoring me since yesterday."

"I've been busy," I bit my lip.

He ran his hand through his hair, "Of everything you could have said, I would've thought you could come up with something better than that bullshit."

I was taken aback by his sudden forward attitude, and stood in stunned silence for a moment before muttering "sorry" and staring down at my sneakers.

"So what does this mean?" He asked, looking up at the sky.

"What?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"I feel like you're running away from me," He told me quietly.

"Look, Jack-"

"Don't mess with my head, please," He looked into my eyes, "That's my only request."

"I'm not trying to, Jack," I shook my head.

"Then what's the point of ignoring me for 2 days? I'm your boyfriend, Emily!"

"I know," I tugged at the end of my hair.

"Or am I?" He asked.

"Are you what?" I looked at him, confused.

He raised his eyebrows, "Do you still want this relationship?"

"Of course I do, Jack," My voice broke as I looked into his dark eyes.

He sighed, "I feel like you're not telling me something. Because I can't think of anything I've done wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong," I sighed.

"I know the whole Taylor thing was fucked up, but-"

"Don't even say her name right now," I cut him off.

"Fine, then tell me what's actually up."

"Now isn't the time, Jack," I shook my head.

And I truly believed it. I didn't want to tell him I was pregnant while we were standing in the bus lot arguing. But Natalie's advice rang in the back of my mind, and I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance again.

Jack let out a short laugh, "If you can't tell me now, I don't know when you ever will. I can't be with someone who won't even let me help them."

My eyes filled with water, "It's not like that-"

"Yeah, Emily. I'm pretty sure it is," He nodded, putting his hands in his pockets.

I looked up at him, the moonlight highlighting his dark features. He bit his own lip before taking a deep breath and turning his back on me. I silently watched him walk away, disappearing eventually.

Tears started to fall from my eyes and I roughly wiped them away, letting out a soft sigh and turning back to the bus. The door opened and Natalie jogged over to me, putting her arms around me.

"I didn't even get the chance to tell him," I told her between sharp breaths.

"What were you talking about?" She asked, still holding me tightly.

"He was talking about how I was ignoring him and that's not how a relationship should be and then he broke up with me," I tried to compose myself as I pulled away.

"What an asshole," She rolled her eyes and grabbed my hand, walking toward the bus.

I knew Jack had a point, but it was a whole lot easier to listen to Natalie and say that he was just a jerk. He was like every other guy. He was just another stereotype. I took the easy way out, but it was a lot harder to admit that I was wrong.

"Who is 'Jack'?" The small boy asked, looking up at the adults sitting at the table.

Juliet leaned forward and whispered into John's ear, "My daddy."

"Where he been, then?" He asked innocently.

"Somewhere else," Juliet told him softly.

"Why he not around like my daddy?" John craned his neck to look at Juliet.

Natalie's eyes widened, "Johnny, that's not okay."

Juliet shook her head, "No, Aunt Nat. It's fine."

"Why, Jules?" John asked again.

"I don't know yet," She shrugged, "But I'll know soon."