Chin Up Love
I Would Have You
In one year I couldn’t count how many different ways I had changed both for the better and worse and with the year drawing to a close I really wasn’t sure whether the outcome was better or worse then the previous year. I mean the good that came out of it all was making my own decisions, being myself, a complete friend change, meeting Oliver (as terrible as that sounds it still was a good thing) and I suppose in a way I found myself.
The bad on the other hand were my parents, making some great enemies, being cheated on.
I guess so far the good was outweighing the bad.
But the year wasn’t over yet it was only New Years Eve and my entire family was coming over today, so in my books the year was far from over.
I got dressed in what I would call my party dress cute sparkly and completely inappropriate for this kind of whether it was only snowing a little out just lose not formed flakes still and it was freezing.
My mother’s side of the family arrived first you know the stuck up side I mean how could you forget honestly. Receiving hugs and a quick once over and moving on to the drinks it was about 11am and never too early for the champagne in this family. My cousin turned up the pop music and made me cringe as she danced over towards my mother and made small talk with her sure as hell sucking up to her.
But then arrived my father’s side of the family and things started to balance out a little my cousin Blake who also had his lip pierced was my saving grace. We had become increasingly close since I had a go at my mother and started making my own decisions.
On arrival he dissed Kate and turned the music off proclaiming that if there wasn’t going to be any real music there wasn’t going to be any music.
By One O’clock I think we must have gone through three or four champagne bottles and we had only just sat down for lunch, me on the other hand I don’t like champagne very much and decided I would sit at the kiddies table, well the one Blake and I made up along with Lucas who would not stop laughing at the two of us, he was also wearing the chain I had given him for Christmas which made me smile.
As the day went on it seemed to get increasingly worse my family getting increasingly drunk and their harsh words getting more vicious as the alcohol came.
I decided locking myself in my room was my best option for now mean while it was only around 7.30 and dinner would be served shortly that was if anyone had the ability to sit upright in their chairs.
But to my surprise they managed just fine being able to take their alcohol very well constantly pouring champagne or some other form of toxic liquid that turned already sour people into even bitter sour assholes. I decided that maybe it was my turn to start I mean it was eight o’clock and I was really sober.
By 11.30 I was not sober but neither was I drunk still very capable of thinking clearly and when my cousin Kate had verbally harassed me and swung her arm out attempting to hit me in her drunken state I had just about cracked.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I asked harshness dripping off every word
“You I mean have you seen yourself you’re a disgrace to this family” she yelled back
“This family, this family is nothing more then a bunch of stuck up fuckers who I really couldn’t careless about”
By this stage my mother had heard what was happening and came over to rescue Kate. You would think seeing as I was her daughter she would come rescue me but no things didn’t work like that in our household.
“Lacey this is completely out of line”
“What is mother that you step in to defend your niece rather then your daughter”
“Lacey don’t speak to me like that you are rude and completely inconsiderate of this family, do you know how much shit you have put me and your father through over this past few months?”
“No I don’t because you haven’t done anything out of the ordinary…me being friends with people I actually like you would think you would actually be happy for me. For as long as I can remember I was never good enough for this family I am your only daughter and I have done everything in my power to be the best I could…but nothing ever seems to please you mother nothing I have ever done has been up to your ridiculously high standards…so you what I give up. Im not trying anymore im just me and you can take it or leave it.
I was in tears by this stage and I had my entire family watching me as I went to retrieve my car keys.
Opening the front door I felt a hand on mine and it was Blake’s no mother no farther I was sure was being held back by my ever nagging mother, but Blake.
“Come on Lacey where are you going?”
“Im sorry Blake I can’t be here anymore” I said giving him a quick hug and retreating to my car.
Putting my keys into the ignition and starting up I had never felt more cold I felt like the life had been sucked out of me and I had no place to go.
So I drove arriving at the one place I knew was neutral territory. It wasn’t snowing outside tonight but I could quite muster the energy to move from my car just yet. So I sat there with my head rested on the steering wheel no music playing just tears falling and the faint beat that was my heart reassuring that I was still very much alive.
After what seemed like quite a while I reached into the back seat pulling out a large heavy blanket that laid there dragging it along with my body to the place I came to know as my field and my tree that somehow signified peace.
Laying out my blanket I wrapped myself in it laying down I wasn’t sure if I was cold or not I couldn’t quite tell, closing my eyes.”
“I Thought I would find you here” his voice startled me at first and I refused to open my eyes and look at him
“Is no place sacred” I retorted
“Lacey, love this place is sacred” his voice wasn’t harsh like mine and I felt him sit down next to me and I opened my eyes
“I know im sorry Oli I guess im just taking my anger out on you”
“What’s happened love? Aren’t you cold its fucken freezing” he pulled me closer and I let him cuddle up in my blanket
“I don’t know I can’t feel anything let alone the cold” he pulled me even tighter towards him
“What happened?” he asked again
“I just had a fight with everyone practically bared my soul out to my mother and I got nothing”
“Maybe she just didn’t know what to say”
“Yea that would be a miracle. What are you doing here anyway?” I asked intrigued
“I was looking for you actually I had feeling you would be here”
“Why were you looking for me?” now I was deffinently intrigued
“Because its new years and I have a few new year resolutions that involve you” as he spoke my face seemed twisted and he could tell I was confused so he continued
“Ok my first one was to apologies to you”
“For what?” I asked skeptical
“For everything Lacey everything is my fault and most of all for ever cheating on you” I cringed at the word cheating but he went on with an explanation “I have never been with someone for as long as I was with you and that scared me, so I guess it was me rebelling against myself…and I know that’s a lame excuse but I am sorry Lacey I really am” he had pulled away from me to get a look at my face and I must have started crying again coz he wiped away a tear ever so gently with his finger tip.
“Its okay Oli I guess I never understood it before but I guess I had already subconsciously forgiven you” I replied and he smiled ever so slightly still looking scared
“That was the easy one” he said laughing with no ounce of humor in his voice
“What?” I asked surprised
“The other one was…to tell you how I feel” the last part came out in one jumbled word that I still managed to understand he pulled away from me sitting opposite me on the thick grass holding both my hands in his
“I hate seeing you like his I hate what I have put you through and I blame myself for most of it…but the truth is Lace that I really messed up when I cheated on you because even though im probably the worst thing that has ever happened to you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” By this stage I think I must have been really crying because he repeatedly wiped tears from my cheek
“Please don’t cry Lacey I love you and it kills me to see you cry” his words were fast and his accent thick. I let out one loud sob and he closed his eyes removing his hands from mine and for the first time I felt the cold and everything around me I wasn’t so hollow anymore and I missed the lack of contact between us
“Oli” I said softly placing my hand on his check softly his eyes were still closed
“You know I spent most of the day thinking that this year was really fucked up I wanted to change so bad to be myself and all I seemed to get from it was heart break and I disappointed everyone who was important to me…but I told myself that if I could get one thing to come out of this measly year it would all be so worth it that it wouldn’t matter what anyone else thought because I would have you and that that was all I really needed.”
Finally he opened his eyes his soul bearing into mine “Plus me finally having the chance to actually be me wouldn’t have happened without you” his smile grew into a wide grin like the Cheshire cat not quite proud of himself but diffidently happy with the outcome.
Leaning forward to meet his lips it wasn’t lust or desire it was just pure and needy like kissing him for the first time with tingles running up my spine all over again. Pulling apart to sit in his lap bringing the blanket around us I smiled turning in his lap to face him.
“You know how you once asked me if home was my hell and school was my purgatory then where was my heaven?”
“Yea” he seemed confused and his accent sounded cute
“This would have to be my heaven it doesn’t have to be here in this field but just anywhere being in your arms”
His smile made me happy it always did and as I leant in to kiss me once more I knew that this year would be different just like the last still in so many different ways for the better.
***
March 28th
Dear Diary,
So I have been working for three months now at the cd/book store I told you about and saving up as much as possible to move out and into some little place with Oli. Who has been fantastic by the way. My family have also been better and have tried to be more understanding of me but I still don’t want to live there its hard and I feel like im walking around on egg shells not to piss anyone off. It’s like the only time I can be myself is around Oliver without having to try hard to impress and not let someone down and I’ve practically been living at his house I guess it’s a good thing his family like me as well.
As far as school goes im starting at tafe next week just doing several little courses on Photographic and digital media as well as the basics of art. I hope I can make something of it.
Heheheh I feel lame for writing that on paper but I can’t help it Oli’s just jumped through my window again!!! And fallen on my bed with a thump!!!
Hi Lacey’s stupid diary that is taking up me spending time with her, go away I love her more then you do anyway you’re just a bunch of stupid papers. Im taking her away now have a nice day
Chin Up Love
Love Oliver
The bad on the other hand were my parents, making some great enemies, being cheated on.
I guess so far the good was outweighing the bad.
But the year wasn’t over yet it was only New Years Eve and my entire family was coming over today, so in my books the year was far from over.
I got dressed in what I would call my party dress cute sparkly and completely inappropriate for this kind of whether it was only snowing a little out just lose not formed flakes still and it was freezing.
My mother’s side of the family arrived first you know the stuck up side I mean how could you forget honestly. Receiving hugs and a quick once over and moving on to the drinks it was about 11am and never too early for the champagne in this family. My cousin turned up the pop music and made me cringe as she danced over towards my mother and made small talk with her sure as hell sucking up to her.
But then arrived my father’s side of the family and things started to balance out a little my cousin Blake who also had his lip pierced was my saving grace. We had become increasingly close since I had a go at my mother and started making my own decisions.
On arrival he dissed Kate and turned the music off proclaiming that if there wasn’t going to be any real music there wasn’t going to be any music.
By One O’clock I think we must have gone through three or four champagne bottles and we had only just sat down for lunch, me on the other hand I don’t like champagne very much and decided I would sit at the kiddies table, well the one Blake and I made up along with Lucas who would not stop laughing at the two of us, he was also wearing the chain I had given him for Christmas which made me smile.
As the day went on it seemed to get increasingly worse my family getting increasingly drunk and their harsh words getting more vicious as the alcohol came.
I decided locking myself in my room was my best option for now mean while it was only around 7.30 and dinner would be served shortly that was if anyone had the ability to sit upright in their chairs.
But to my surprise they managed just fine being able to take their alcohol very well constantly pouring champagne or some other form of toxic liquid that turned already sour people into even bitter sour assholes. I decided that maybe it was my turn to start I mean it was eight o’clock and I was really sober.
By 11.30 I was not sober but neither was I drunk still very capable of thinking clearly and when my cousin Kate had verbally harassed me and swung her arm out attempting to hit me in her drunken state I had just about cracked.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I asked harshness dripping off every word
“You I mean have you seen yourself you’re a disgrace to this family” she yelled back
“This family, this family is nothing more then a bunch of stuck up fuckers who I really couldn’t careless about”
By this stage my mother had heard what was happening and came over to rescue Kate. You would think seeing as I was her daughter she would come rescue me but no things didn’t work like that in our household.
“Lacey this is completely out of line”
“What is mother that you step in to defend your niece rather then your daughter”
“Lacey don’t speak to me like that you are rude and completely inconsiderate of this family, do you know how much shit you have put me and your father through over this past few months?”
“No I don’t because you haven’t done anything out of the ordinary…me being friends with people I actually like you would think you would actually be happy for me. For as long as I can remember I was never good enough for this family I am your only daughter and I have done everything in my power to be the best I could…but nothing ever seems to please you mother nothing I have ever done has been up to your ridiculously high standards…so you what I give up. Im not trying anymore im just me and you can take it or leave it.
I was in tears by this stage and I had my entire family watching me as I went to retrieve my car keys.
Opening the front door I felt a hand on mine and it was Blake’s no mother no farther I was sure was being held back by my ever nagging mother, but Blake.
“Come on Lacey where are you going?”
“Im sorry Blake I can’t be here anymore” I said giving him a quick hug and retreating to my car.
Putting my keys into the ignition and starting up I had never felt more cold I felt like the life had been sucked out of me and I had no place to go.
So I drove arriving at the one place I knew was neutral territory. It wasn’t snowing outside tonight but I could quite muster the energy to move from my car just yet. So I sat there with my head rested on the steering wheel no music playing just tears falling and the faint beat that was my heart reassuring that I was still very much alive.
After what seemed like quite a while I reached into the back seat pulling out a large heavy blanket that laid there dragging it along with my body to the place I came to know as my field and my tree that somehow signified peace.
Laying out my blanket I wrapped myself in it laying down I wasn’t sure if I was cold or not I couldn’t quite tell, closing my eyes.”
“I Thought I would find you here” his voice startled me at first and I refused to open my eyes and look at him
“Is no place sacred” I retorted
“Lacey, love this place is sacred” his voice wasn’t harsh like mine and I felt him sit down next to me and I opened my eyes
“I know im sorry Oli I guess im just taking my anger out on you”
“What’s happened love? Aren’t you cold its fucken freezing” he pulled me closer and I let him cuddle up in my blanket
“I don’t know I can’t feel anything let alone the cold” he pulled me even tighter towards him
“What happened?” he asked again
“I just had a fight with everyone practically bared my soul out to my mother and I got nothing”
“Maybe she just didn’t know what to say”
“Yea that would be a miracle. What are you doing here anyway?” I asked intrigued
“I was looking for you actually I had feeling you would be here”
“Why were you looking for me?” now I was deffinently intrigued
“Because its new years and I have a few new year resolutions that involve you” as he spoke my face seemed twisted and he could tell I was confused so he continued
“Ok my first one was to apologies to you”
“For what?” I asked skeptical
“For everything Lacey everything is my fault and most of all for ever cheating on you” I cringed at the word cheating but he went on with an explanation “I have never been with someone for as long as I was with you and that scared me, so I guess it was me rebelling against myself…and I know that’s a lame excuse but I am sorry Lacey I really am” he had pulled away from me to get a look at my face and I must have started crying again coz he wiped away a tear ever so gently with his finger tip.
“Its okay Oli I guess I never understood it before but I guess I had already subconsciously forgiven you” I replied and he smiled ever so slightly still looking scared
“That was the easy one” he said laughing with no ounce of humor in his voice
“What?” I asked surprised
“The other one was…to tell you how I feel” the last part came out in one jumbled word that I still managed to understand he pulled away from me sitting opposite me on the thick grass holding both my hands in his
“I hate seeing you like his I hate what I have put you through and I blame myself for most of it…but the truth is Lace that I really messed up when I cheated on you because even though im probably the worst thing that has ever happened to you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” By this stage I think I must have been really crying because he repeatedly wiped tears from my cheek
“Please don’t cry Lacey I love you and it kills me to see you cry” his words were fast and his accent thick. I let out one loud sob and he closed his eyes removing his hands from mine and for the first time I felt the cold and everything around me I wasn’t so hollow anymore and I missed the lack of contact between us
“Oli” I said softly placing my hand on his check softly his eyes were still closed
“You know I spent most of the day thinking that this year was really fucked up I wanted to change so bad to be myself and all I seemed to get from it was heart break and I disappointed everyone who was important to me…but I told myself that if I could get one thing to come out of this measly year it would all be so worth it that it wouldn’t matter what anyone else thought because I would have you and that that was all I really needed.”
Finally he opened his eyes his soul bearing into mine “Plus me finally having the chance to actually be me wouldn’t have happened without you” his smile grew into a wide grin like the Cheshire cat not quite proud of himself but diffidently happy with the outcome.
Leaning forward to meet his lips it wasn’t lust or desire it was just pure and needy like kissing him for the first time with tingles running up my spine all over again. Pulling apart to sit in his lap bringing the blanket around us I smiled turning in his lap to face him.
“You know how you once asked me if home was my hell and school was my purgatory then where was my heaven?”
“Yea” he seemed confused and his accent sounded cute
“This would have to be my heaven it doesn’t have to be here in this field but just anywhere being in your arms”
His smile made me happy it always did and as I leant in to kiss me once more I knew that this year would be different just like the last still in so many different ways for the better.
***
March 28th
Dear Diary,
So I have been working for three months now at the cd/book store I told you about and saving up as much as possible to move out and into some little place with Oli. Who has been fantastic by the way. My family have also been better and have tried to be more understanding of me but I still don’t want to live there its hard and I feel like im walking around on egg shells not to piss anyone off. It’s like the only time I can be myself is around Oliver without having to try hard to impress and not let someone down and I’ve practically been living at his house I guess it’s a good thing his family like me as well.
As far as school goes im starting at tafe next week just doing several little courses on Photographic and digital media as well as the basics of art. I hope I can make something of it.
Heheheh I feel lame for writing that on paper but I can’t help it Oli’s just jumped through my window again!!! And fallen on my bed with a thump!!!
Hi Lacey’s stupid diary that is taking up me spending time with her, go away I love her more then you do anyway you’re just a bunch of stupid papers. Im taking her away now have a nice day
Chin Up Love
Love Oliver
♠ ♠ ♠
ok ok so now i really feel like crying because thats it the end there is no moreNote: the last part is in diary form (if you couldnt work that out for yourself?)
....this story was my baby it just started by me having a really bad day with my family and Lacey and Oli just blossomed from it.
thankyou to everyone who has read this and even greater thanks to those who have commented you guys are the ppl that make me update more.
PLease leave a comment and let me know if you like the ending or not!!!
stay tuned ill start a new story soon
<3333333 DarknessAndDecay
AKA Daniela