It's Our Time to Shine
Letting Love Find A Way.
”…He’s not here. I can’t fuckin´ find him.”
“What? Who’s missin´?”
“Bert! I left him on the couch last night and then I went to sleep!”
“Due, relax. We’ll just go look for him. I bet he didn’t go far. He was pretty wasted last night.”
The voices from the main room in the suite made me wake up.
I felt my mouth being completely dry and my throat was sore as if I had been screaming.
I could barely open my eyes as they were almost glued together.
The bedroom air was confined and the smell of alcohol was lingering in the air as a reminder of last night’s actions.
The distinguished taste of alcohol was overwhelming as I swallowed and so was the smell around me.
Suddenly, someone softly knocked on the bedroom door before entering.
“Hey, Lina. Sorry for disturbing you, but have you by any chance seen – oh, fuck, I’m sorry!”
It was Quinn standing next to the door, now turning away with a surprised look on his face.
“What…?”, I said, sitting up in the bed.
I didn’t have the slightest idea on why he just reacted the way he did and got so shocked.
“Uhm, Jeph? You can stop lookin´ for Bert now. I think I found him.”
I was now beyond confused as I tried to understand what was going on.
“What, you found him – oh!”
Jepha came into the bedroom and stopped next to Quinn with a question mark on his face.
They both just stood there now, completely shocked while looking at me.
“What is it?”, I asked. “What’s wrong?”
“You tell us”, Quinn responded, pointing at the bed while hiding a smile.
I looked to my left and found Bert lying next to me, asleep under the covers.
I then looked at them, feeling my eyes bulging out and my jaw dropping.
All these thoughts kept coming and coming and I just wasn’t able to understand,
I tried to remember what had happen last night and how Bert had ended up in my bed, but I came up with no rational explanation to any of it.
Then suddenly, without knowing why, I lifted up the covers and gazed down at my crotch while letting my hand quickly feel its way down there.
No blood, no pain, no soreness.
“Thank God”, I said to myself sighing.
“What’s goin´ on?”, Bert suddenly mumbled with a sleepy face, peeking up from under the covers while yawning.
Jepha and Quinn were both now standing with their arms crossed, leaning towards the door with smirks on their faces, just looking at me and Bert.
“Slept well, guys?”, they asked.
“I have no idea”, I responded, burying myself under the covers in total humiliation.
“Dudes, what’re you doing here?”
“You tell me, Bert. I thought you were going to sleep on the couch?”, Quinn said.
His smile was starting to fade away.
“Yeah, I was. But then I got lonely and I figured Lina wanted some company.”
“Did you guys…?”
Jepha wasn’t sure what answer he might get as he just stood there, still having a confused look upon his face.
“No, I don’t think so. Lina?”
“Nohhh…”, I answered awkwardly, still hiding under the covers.
“Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?”, Bert then asked, peeking under the covers.
“Yeah. Just embarrassed.”
“Hey, guys – could you, like, leave us alone for a second? I think me and Lina need to straighten a few things out.”
“Yeah, I think you do”, Jepha replied before he and Quinn left the room as they shut the door behind them.
Bert once again peeked under the covers, seeing me lying there with my face covered.
“Hey…”, he started. “What actually happened between us last night?”
“I-I don’t know. I can’t remember.”
“Me neither. Did we… You know.”
“No. At least I don’t think so. I don’t feel anything down there”, I replied, but regretting what I had just said as I now felt my stomach turn.
At that point, all I wanted was to just dig a hole in the ground and disappear in it.
“I can’t either. Only that I kinda used my… And in your…”
“Yeah, I kn ow. You can stop there.”
Just the thought of him remember that he performed digital penetration on me jut made the humiliation even worse.
“I’m so embarrassed, Bert.”
“Don’t be. We did have a nice time last night, right?”, he smiled discreetly.
“We did.”
“And I still meant those things I said to you…”
“What do you mean?”
Maybe Bert remembered more than I was giving him credit for.
“That I have feelings for you. I like you. You’ve understood that by now, right?”
“Yes…”
“What about you? Don’t you feel anything for me?”
His voice sounded hurt as vulnerable, but at that point I just didn’t care.
Instead of feeling sorry for him, an odd feeling of rage began boiling inside of me.
“Why?”, I burst out. “Why do you like someone like me? I just don’t get it. I’ve seen your previous girlfriends in photographs online, Bert, and trust me – they’re a whole lot different than me. They’re beautiful and gorgeous and thin and… just perfect.”
Now my voice sounded hurt and vulnerable.
But in contrast to me, Bert cared.
“Who says you’re not?”
“Everyone! Everyone, Bert! I’ve heard it all my life!”
“It’s not true! You are like my previous girlfriends, but at the same time, you’re not.”
“What do you mean?”, I asked gasped, now feeling the tears coming as I came out from under the covers.
“You’re so much more. You’re even more beautiful, you’re ten times more gorgeous, and I don’t care if you’re 100 pounds or 1000 for that matter, ‘cause I love you. I love you just the way you are and that’s all there is to it. In my eyes, you are perfect.”
“You love me? Why? Why me? Why not someone else? You have so many girls out there that would die, kill, to be with you. Why not any of them?”
I couldn’t believe what Bert was telling me. I denied it.
“Because you caught my attention, Lina. From the very first moment I saw you at that festival. Something inside of me just exploded. You were different, one of a kind, something I’d never seen in a girl before. And that’s why I like you so much. You just gotta believe it”, he said, taking my hand while looking at me with a worried look.
“I-I don’t know what to say…”
“You don’t have to. But now you know how I feel about you, and whether or not you can return those feelings, at least now you know.”
“I really like you, Bert. I really do. Throughout these past couple of months, I’ve really gotten to know you, to know the real you. You aren’t just the lead singer of a world-known rock band anymore. Not to me. And I know that sounds like such a cliché. But I’m just so scared. I’m not used to this, knowing that the person I have feeling for has feelings for me too. I don’t know where to take it from there”, I said, looking down on the bed while having a lump in my heart.
“But I do. I’ve been there before, I know how to make this work.”
“I’m not sure. I just don’t want to screw things up for anyone.”
“What do you mean?”, Bert asked, squeezing my hand gently.
“For the rest of the guys…”
“What about them?”
“What if I ruin your friendship and turn you against each other? What if I say or do something that’ll just ruin everything?”
I was now at the edge of crying.
My heart was aching badly. Not because of a physical pain. It was something else, something that almost felt like heartache.
“You won’t. Never. I know you. You’re not that kind of person. How can you even think something like that?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just insecure…”
I felt a tear running down my cheek as I sniffled melancholically.
“Hey…”, Bert said, wrapping his arms around me. “You know you can tell me everything, right? I’m here for you. Always.”
“I know you are.”
“Good”, he responded, kissing me on the forehead before he leaned back in the bed, still having his arms around me.
He embraced me even harder now, hearing him sigh as he stroked my hair and let my head rest on his shoulder for a while.
“Maybe I should go and tell the other guys what’s goin´ on between us”, he suddenly smiled, looking down at me so that his double chin was visible.
It was adorable.
“But what is really going on?”
“Let’s just take it one day at the time, okay?”
“Yeah”, I said, giving him a little smile as het got up from the bed.
It wasn’t until then I realized he was almost fully dressed, something he most have been all night.
“I’ll just stay here in bed for a while if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll come back once I’ve told the guys what’s up”, Bert smiled, now heading towards the door before he closed it.
I sighed as I leaned back in the bed, just looking up at the ceiling.
‘What have I gotten myself into?’, I thought, feeling my stomach turn yet again.
All I could do now was to hope for the best…
“What? Who’s missin´?”
“Bert! I left him on the couch last night and then I went to sleep!”
“Due, relax. We’ll just go look for him. I bet he didn’t go far. He was pretty wasted last night.”
The voices from the main room in the suite made me wake up.
I felt my mouth being completely dry and my throat was sore as if I had been screaming.
I could barely open my eyes as they were almost glued together.
The bedroom air was confined and the smell of alcohol was lingering in the air as a reminder of last night’s actions.
The distinguished taste of alcohol was overwhelming as I swallowed and so was the smell around me.
Suddenly, someone softly knocked on the bedroom door before entering.
“Hey, Lina. Sorry for disturbing you, but have you by any chance seen – oh, fuck, I’m sorry!”
It was Quinn standing next to the door, now turning away with a surprised look on his face.
“What…?”, I said, sitting up in the bed.
I didn’t have the slightest idea on why he just reacted the way he did and got so shocked.
“Uhm, Jeph? You can stop lookin´ for Bert now. I think I found him.”
I was now beyond confused as I tried to understand what was going on.
“What, you found him – oh!”
Jepha came into the bedroom and stopped next to Quinn with a question mark on his face.
They both just stood there now, completely shocked while looking at me.
“What is it?”, I asked. “What’s wrong?”
“You tell us”, Quinn responded, pointing at the bed while hiding a smile.
I looked to my left and found Bert lying next to me, asleep under the covers.
I then looked at them, feeling my eyes bulging out and my jaw dropping.
All these thoughts kept coming and coming and I just wasn’t able to understand,
I tried to remember what had happen last night and how Bert had ended up in my bed, but I came up with no rational explanation to any of it.
Then suddenly, without knowing why, I lifted up the covers and gazed down at my crotch while letting my hand quickly feel its way down there.
No blood, no pain, no soreness.
“Thank God”, I said to myself sighing.
“What’s goin´ on?”, Bert suddenly mumbled with a sleepy face, peeking up from under the covers while yawning.
Jepha and Quinn were both now standing with their arms crossed, leaning towards the door with smirks on their faces, just looking at me and Bert.
“Slept well, guys?”, they asked.
“I have no idea”, I responded, burying myself under the covers in total humiliation.
“Dudes, what’re you doing here?”
“You tell me, Bert. I thought you were going to sleep on the couch?”, Quinn said.
His smile was starting to fade away.
“Yeah, I was. But then I got lonely and I figured Lina wanted some company.”
“Did you guys…?”
Jepha wasn’t sure what answer he might get as he just stood there, still having a confused look upon his face.
“No, I don’t think so. Lina?”
“Nohhh…”, I answered awkwardly, still hiding under the covers.
“Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?”, Bert then asked, peeking under the covers.
“Yeah. Just embarrassed.”
“Hey, guys – could you, like, leave us alone for a second? I think me and Lina need to straighten a few things out.”
“Yeah, I think you do”, Jepha replied before he and Quinn left the room as they shut the door behind them.
Bert once again peeked under the covers, seeing me lying there with my face covered.
“Hey…”, he started. “What actually happened between us last night?”
“I-I don’t know. I can’t remember.”
“Me neither. Did we… You know.”
“No. At least I don’t think so. I don’t feel anything down there”, I replied, but regretting what I had just said as I now felt my stomach turn.
At that point, all I wanted was to just dig a hole in the ground and disappear in it.
“I can’t either. Only that I kinda used my… And in your…”
“Yeah, I kn ow. You can stop there.”
Just the thought of him remember that he performed digital penetration on me jut made the humiliation even worse.
“I’m so embarrassed, Bert.”
“Don’t be. We did have a nice time last night, right?”, he smiled discreetly.
“We did.”
“And I still meant those things I said to you…”
“What do you mean?”
Maybe Bert remembered more than I was giving him credit for.
“That I have feelings for you. I like you. You’ve understood that by now, right?”
“Yes…”
“What about you? Don’t you feel anything for me?”
His voice sounded hurt as vulnerable, but at that point I just didn’t care.
Instead of feeling sorry for him, an odd feeling of rage began boiling inside of me.
“Why?”, I burst out. “Why do you like someone like me? I just don’t get it. I’ve seen your previous girlfriends in photographs online, Bert, and trust me – they’re a whole lot different than me. They’re beautiful and gorgeous and thin and… just perfect.”
Now my voice sounded hurt and vulnerable.
But in contrast to me, Bert cared.
“Who says you’re not?”
“Everyone! Everyone, Bert! I’ve heard it all my life!”
“It’s not true! You are like my previous girlfriends, but at the same time, you’re not.”
“What do you mean?”, I asked gasped, now feeling the tears coming as I came out from under the covers.
“You’re so much more. You’re even more beautiful, you’re ten times more gorgeous, and I don’t care if you’re 100 pounds or 1000 for that matter, ‘cause I love you. I love you just the way you are and that’s all there is to it. In my eyes, you are perfect.”
“You love me? Why? Why me? Why not someone else? You have so many girls out there that would die, kill, to be with you. Why not any of them?”
I couldn’t believe what Bert was telling me. I denied it.
“Because you caught my attention, Lina. From the very first moment I saw you at that festival. Something inside of me just exploded. You were different, one of a kind, something I’d never seen in a girl before. And that’s why I like you so much. You just gotta believe it”, he said, taking my hand while looking at me with a worried look.
“I-I don’t know what to say…”
“You don’t have to. But now you know how I feel about you, and whether or not you can return those feelings, at least now you know.”
“I really like you, Bert. I really do. Throughout these past couple of months, I’ve really gotten to know you, to know the real you. You aren’t just the lead singer of a world-known rock band anymore. Not to me. And I know that sounds like such a cliché. But I’m just so scared. I’m not used to this, knowing that the person I have feeling for has feelings for me too. I don’t know where to take it from there”, I said, looking down on the bed while having a lump in my heart.
“But I do. I’ve been there before, I know how to make this work.”
“I’m not sure. I just don’t want to screw things up for anyone.”
“What do you mean?”, Bert asked, squeezing my hand gently.
“For the rest of the guys…”
“What about them?”
“What if I ruin your friendship and turn you against each other? What if I say or do something that’ll just ruin everything?”
I was now at the edge of crying.
My heart was aching badly. Not because of a physical pain. It was something else, something that almost felt like heartache.
“You won’t. Never. I know you. You’re not that kind of person. How can you even think something like that?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just insecure…”
I felt a tear running down my cheek as I sniffled melancholically.
“Hey…”, Bert said, wrapping his arms around me. “You know you can tell me everything, right? I’m here for you. Always.”
“I know you are.”
“Good”, he responded, kissing me on the forehead before he leaned back in the bed, still having his arms around me.
He embraced me even harder now, hearing him sigh as he stroked my hair and let my head rest on his shoulder for a while.
“Maybe I should go and tell the other guys what’s goin´ on between us”, he suddenly smiled, looking down at me so that his double chin was visible.
It was adorable.
“But what is really going on?”
“Let’s just take it one day at the time, okay?”
“Yeah”, I said, giving him a little smile as het got up from the bed.
It wasn’t until then I realized he was almost fully dressed, something he most have been all night.
“I’ll just stay here in bed for a while if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll come back once I’ve told the guys what’s up”, Bert smiled, now heading towards the door before he closed it.
I sighed as I leaned back in the bed, just looking up at the ceiling.
‘What have I gotten myself into?’, I thought, feeling my stomach turn yet again.
All I could do now was to hope for the best…
♠ ♠ ♠
this update was hard to write.and that truly comes from the bottom of my heart.
yes, i cried while writing it.
and, yes; everything, every feeling i wrote about myself, is true.
hey, at least i'm honest. that's gotta be worth something.
oh, and before i forget; happy birthday to bandit lee way;
the newborn daughter of gerard way and lindsey ann way. (: <3
xo,
lina.