It's Our Time to Shine
A Clean Slate.
As I was lying there in the king-size bed while trying to clear my head from the conversation I’d just had with Bert, I suddenly heard loud talking coming from the main room in the hotel suite.
”Yeah, Bert, it’s great that you guys are gettin´ along together that well – it’s awesome, but don’t ya think you’re rushin´ her a little?”
“Whaddaya mean, Quinn? Lina’s an adult. She’s old enough to make her own decisions, and right now we’re just taking it one day at the time.”
“I get that, but don’t you think that… Jeph, tell him.”
“Dude, we’re all friends here, right, and we know each other like our own pockets. We’re just tryin´ to open your eyes, Bert. Right, Dan?”
“Yeah, we really are.”
“What’re you guys sayin´?”
It became silent for a while before I heard talking again.
”You know Lina’s not gonna be around here forever, right?”
“Why’s that a problem?”
“It’s not a problem, it’s just that…-”
“It’s just that you guys don’t think I can handle it, is that it?”
“No, not at all. But we all know what happened the last time with Kate and when she died. We remember how much pain that caused you, how much pain it caused all of us really. And neither one of us don’t want that to happen again.”
“I know, guys. And I appreciate that. But this time it’s different. Lina’s something special. She’s nothing like her.”
“We know that, we all do. But I for one don’t want Lina to get hurt in the process.”
“She won’t. I care too much about her to ever let that happen.”
“Good, ‘cause there are other people in this room that care for her too.”
“I know, man. I know…”
I didn’t hear anymore talking.
It became silent.
My heart was pounding now, beating underneath my chest.
I was breathing heavily and my pulse had probably never been more out of control that it was at this point.
What was all this talk about Kate again?
She was had passed away, yes, but why was she still so special to Bert?
I was still lying in the bed, now trying to calm myself down from listening to the conversation that had been going on with the guys.
I had so many thoughts that were running through my head and so many questions that needed answers, but I was afraid of knowing too much.
Afraid of knowing the truth.
Suddenly, the door opened, making me jump before I saw Bert entering.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”, he asked, closing the door behind him.
He immediately rushed towards the bed and sat down next to me with a worried look.
I must have looked like a mess, having tears running down my cheeks and probably mascara smudged all over my face.
“I…”, I started, before being interrupted by loud talking from the main room.
“…You heard the conversation, didn’t you?”, Bert sighed, looking at the closed door before looking at me.
“Yeah…”
“I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“But I did.”
“I know…”
“Why are you guys talking about Kate again, Bert? I’ve heard her name being mentioned before, but every time it comes up, you back away. I remember the time back at your childhood homw when we did the laundry together and you finally cam clean on who Kate was. But I felt like I didn’t get all the answers then. Who is she?”
I was determined now.
I needed an answer once and for all.
Bert was just sitting there next to me on the bed, fumbling with his fingers while looking down on his lap, before he took a deep breath and began talking.
“She was my first girlfriend, the first love I ever had. She was there for me when no one else. She was the first girl I ever made love with and the first one I fell in love with. She loved me when no one else did and stayed with me when I was living on the streets. We used to get high together and she was the first one I ever took a fix with. We became drug addicts together, and because of that… she died from an OD while carrying my baby in her stomach.”
Bert said those words with tearful voice as he now was whimpering next to me.
“I remember now… I’m so sorry”, I almost whispered, not being able to hold back my own tears as I put my arm around him.
“She only had one more month left and then the baby would’ve been born. We were supposed to call her Page…”
He was crying now. For the first time, Bert was now crying in front of me.
“There… There was nothing I could do. I could hardly keep myself together at that point ‘cause I was too fuckin´ involved in the drugs. When Kate died, a part of me died too. She was my life, my everything, so when she passed away, I basically had nothing left to live for. Instead of quitting drugs, I just kept on taking more, hoping that the pain would go away. But it didn’t… All this happened before Dan joined us, so he wasn’t around at that point, but Quinn and Jeph were an enormous support. Eventually, I managed to stop doin´ the heavy drugs and I dealt with the pain there and then, and went on with my life. I still miss Kate, but I’ve realized that she’s gone and she’s not comin´ back. It just took a while for me to understand that.”
I didn’t say a word.
I didn’t know what to say, either.
I just clinched on to Bert while resting my head on his chest.
“But I’m fine now”, he said, taking my hand gently as he began stroking it.
“Are you sure? I mean, if you want some more time, I can just…-”
“No, I’ve gotten the time that I’ve needed. And I’m sure about this, about us. Instead of thinkin´ of what I could’ve had, it’s better to think about what I can get”, he smiled, looking at me with his crystal blue eyes.
I looked into them, and inside my heart, I just knew that it was the right time, that it was the right thing to do:
I kissed him.
I bent over and closed my eyes before feeling his lips meeting mine into a soft and gentle kiss.
“You are an amazing person”, Bert said in a raspy voice, smiling at me.
I just smiled back at him, before an almost unnoticeable sigh could be heard.
“Are you still insecure about this – about us?”, he then asked.
“No. Not at all anymore”, I answered, once again imprinting a kiss on his lips as a respond of what I truly felt.
I smiled at him, knowing that this – the thing we had together, was something worth taking care of...
”Yeah, Bert, it’s great that you guys are gettin´ along together that well – it’s awesome, but don’t ya think you’re rushin´ her a little?”
“Whaddaya mean, Quinn? Lina’s an adult. She’s old enough to make her own decisions, and right now we’re just taking it one day at the time.”
“I get that, but don’t you think that… Jeph, tell him.”
“Dude, we’re all friends here, right, and we know each other like our own pockets. We’re just tryin´ to open your eyes, Bert. Right, Dan?”
“Yeah, we really are.”
“What’re you guys sayin´?”
It became silent for a while before I heard talking again.
”You know Lina’s not gonna be around here forever, right?”
“Why’s that a problem?”
“It’s not a problem, it’s just that…-”
“It’s just that you guys don’t think I can handle it, is that it?”
“No, not at all. But we all know what happened the last time with Kate and when she died. We remember how much pain that caused you, how much pain it caused all of us really. And neither one of us don’t want that to happen again.”
“I know, guys. And I appreciate that. But this time it’s different. Lina’s something special. She’s nothing like her.”
“We know that, we all do. But I for one don’t want Lina to get hurt in the process.”
“She won’t. I care too much about her to ever let that happen.”
“Good, ‘cause there are other people in this room that care for her too.”
“I know, man. I know…”
I didn’t hear anymore talking.
It became silent.
My heart was pounding now, beating underneath my chest.
I was breathing heavily and my pulse had probably never been more out of control that it was at this point.
What was all this talk about Kate again?
She was had passed away, yes, but why was she still so special to Bert?
I was still lying in the bed, now trying to calm myself down from listening to the conversation that had been going on with the guys.
I had so many thoughts that were running through my head and so many questions that needed answers, but I was afraid of knowing too much.
Afraid of knowing the truth.
Suddenly, the door opened, making me jump before I saw Bert entering.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”, he asked, closing the door behind him.
He immediately rushed towards the bed and sat down next to me with a worried look.
I must have looked like a mess, having tears running down my cheeks and probably mascara smudged all over my face.
“I…”, I started, before being interrupted by loud talking from the main room.
“…You heard the conversation, didn’t you?”, Bert sighed, looking at the closed door before looking at me.
“Yeah…”
“I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“But I did.”
“I know…”
“Why are you guys talking about Kate again, Bert? I’ve heard her name being mentioned before, but every time it comes up, you back away. I remember the time back at your childhood homw when we did the laundry together and you finally cam clean on who Kate was. But I felt like I didn’t get all the answers then. Who is she?”
I was determined now.
I needed an answer once and for all.
Bert was just sitting there next to me on the bed, fumbling with his fingers while looking down on his lap, before he took a deep breath and began talking.
“She was my first girlfriend, the first love I ever had. She was there for me when no one else. She was the first girl I ever made love with and the first one I fell in love with. She loved me when no one else did and stayed with me when I was living on the streets. We used to get high together and she was the first one I ever took a fix with. We became drug addicts together, and because of that… she died from an OD while carrying my baby in her stomach.”
Bert said those words with tearful voice as he now was whimpering next to me.
“I remember now… I’m so sorry”, I almost whispered, not being able to hold back my own tears as I put my arm around him.
“She only had one more month left and then the baby would’ve been born. We were supposed to call her Page…”
He was crying now. For the first time, Bert was now crying in front of me.
“There… There was nothing I could do. I could hardly keep myself together at that point ‘cause I was too fuckin´ involved in the drugs. When Kate died, a part of me died too. She was my life, my everything, so when she passed away, I basically had nothing left to live for. Instead of quitting drugs, I just kept on taking more, hoping that the pain would go away. But it didn’t… All this happened before Dan joined us, so he wasn’t around at that point, but Quinn and Jeph were an enormous support. Eventually, I managed to stop doin´ the heavy drugs and I dealt with the pain there and then, and went on with my life. I still miss Kate, but I’ve realized that she’s gone and she’s not comin´ back. It just took a while for me to understand that.”
I didn’t say a word.
I didn’t know what to say, either.
I just clinched on to Bert while resting my head on his chest.
“But I’m fine now”, he said, taking my hand gently as he began stroking it.
“Are you sure? I mean, if you want some more time, I can just…-”
“No, I’ve gotten the time that I’ve needed. And I’m sure about this, about us. Instead of thinkin´ of what I could’ve had, it’s better to think about what I can get”, he smiled, looking at me with his crystal blue eyes.
I looked into them, and inside my heart, I just knew that it was the right time, that it was the right thing to do:
I kissed him.
I bent over and closed my eyes before feeling his lips meeting mine into a soft and gentle kiss.
“You are an amazing person”, Bert said in a raspy voice, smiling at me.
I just smiled back at him, before an almost unnoticeable sigh could be heard.
“Are you still insecure about this – about us?”, he then asked.
“No. Not at all anymore”, I answered, once again imprinting a kiss on his lips as a respond of what I truly felt.
I smiled at him, knowing that this – the thing we had together, was something worth taking care of...
♠ ♠ ♠
i wish the content in this update was true. (:that's all that i'm saying. <3
and if you need to freshen up your memory about kate,
go to chapter 18 and read all about it. ;D
and also, this is chapter number 50.
quite the milestone! :'D
xo,
lina.