Love Me or Leave Me or Rip Me Apart

I stood at the edge of the bridge, the city lights all flashing before me. It seemed a sad way to die, but it had to be this way.

I pushed my dark hair out of my eyes and let out a shaky breath. A tear fell down my face and I gripped onto the rail tighter.

I just couldn’t take it anymore, the beatings, the abuse by my father. I couldn’t call him my dad, that bastard that my mom married, how could I?

“This is it, Beckett, just count down, and jump.”

The bridge was so high up. Would I drown instantly? I wasn’t a bad swimmer. Would it just not work? I’d never thought about any other place to end this then on top of this bridge. I could see the skyline of beautiful Chicago, where I’d grown up.

It would comfort me, as I plunged into the cold winter water.

Would it hurt, to die? I looked upon the line of scars on my arm. Self-inflicted pain.

I started to sob.

A fresh set of real scars were upon my back. I’d come home late from school, I’d forgotten something from the store, he’d beat me with his belt. Mom would come home later, I’d be in my room. He’d tell her some story about how I got beat up at school again, mom would believe it. I think somewhere, deep down, she knew what he did to me, but she just didn’t want to admit it.

“Hey!” someone called, making me jump and almost loose my footing on the ledge.

I turned my head. It was some guy, probably thinking he’d do a good deed and stop me.

“Its not going to work, I’m better off dead.”

“No one’s better off dead.”

I could hear him climb over the bars. More cold tears poured down my face.

“No, no, I am. Life it not worth it.”

I turned around to face him, he was across the gate from me. He looked kinda familiar, I’d probably seen him around, he looked close to my age. He looked like a real cool kid though, tight jeans and shirt, colorful Nikes. His hair was short, and he was wearing a nice, good-quality sweatshirt. I didn’t own anything too nice like that.

“You don’t need to do this,” he said calmly.

“Yes, I do,” I muttered, and almost instantly, my foot lost its grip.

I thought I was going to plunge, going to die, but instead, I didn’t fall.

That kid had a hold of both my arms, and was pulling me over the ledge.

Damn, he’s strong. Well, to say the least, I was really scrawny.

I was balling my eyes out by this time. Life didn’t suck enough for me to end it, did it?

The kid’s name was Gabe, Gabe Saporta. That night he brought me back to his house, where he sat me down and gave me this long talk.

“Believe it or not, I once stood on that bridge as well, wanting it to end,” he had told me.

I couldn’t believe it. He had everything he ever wanted and more, this kid was loaded with cash.

I calmed down, told him of my situation. I’d never been able to tell anyone anything before. It felt nice, to have someone understand. I had no close friends to confide in, and no one in the family would believe me.

He gave me his number, told me to call him if I needed any help.

I didn’t see him again for two weeks.

I was out running and errand for my mom, he was with some of his other rich friends.

“Hey, William, you wanna hang out with us?”

For one, I was shocked he’d let me in to hang with them, and I wanted to accept his offer.

“I can’t.”

“Is your dad giving you trouble again?” he whispered, so his friends wouldn’t hear.

I shook my head. “Nothing but screaming, but I get over that.”

“Alright well remember, if you wanna talk, just call me.”

I smiled. “I have to go run some errands, but I’ll call you later, my dad has to work tonight.”

Gabe gave me a nod and a smile and got back to his crowd of friends. They hurried down the street, and I stumbled off to the store.

He had such pretty, yet ominous eyes…I couldn’t help but think about them on the way back from the store.

I was wishing for some money. Maybe then I could take a cab home. Or maybe I could get a better jacket, a scarf maybe…

I was just thinking and wishing for things that could never be, and I knew I shouldn’t have.

When I got home, it was late. I smiled, knowing I’d have a night alone without him. Maybe I could go on his computer for a bit, but I had to be careful he didn’t know I was on.

I walked in the door and set the groceries down on the table.

The booming voice from behind me made me jump.

“And where were you?”

I turned around slowly, biting my lip and preparing for the worst.

“I was getting groceries,” I whispered and closed my eyes, feeling the sting of his fat palm against my face. I felt blood in my mouth.

“Don’t you talk back to me, you piece of shit, you hear?!” I didn’t dare look at him, he’d hit me harder.

“James, what’s going on?” my mother’s innocent voice scurried in from the kitchen.

Oh no…

“I’m teaching your son a lesson!” he cried and slammed me in the face, causing me to fly across the room.

“What the hell are you doing?!” my mom screamed at him. I’d never ever heard mom scream.

I opened my eyes just enough to see him slap her in the face.

I let out a loud sob and he turned around, eyes full of furry. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

He sent two blows into my chest and I coughed up blood all around myself.

“William get out of here!” I heard my mom cry. The bastard turned around to face her, I knew he was going to do something to her, and instantly I jumped out the door, running down the street as fast as I could. That fat cow would never be able to catch up to me.

I ran to the nearest payphone and with whatever money I had in my pockets I called Gabe.

“Hello?”

“Gabe this is William,” my speech was slurred from the blood that poured out of my mouth and I was crying.

“Hey, you okay, what’s going on?”

“My dad he…he beat me…and my mom saw and now he’s going to hurt her and I…”

“Oh God, get over to my house, I’ll leave the door unlocked, and I’ll take care of this.”

He hung up.

I couldn’t object.

I let myself lie in a warm bathtub for the first time in months. James always took the hot water, and I was only allowed ten minutes in the shower.

It hurt, but I scrubbed the blood away, some of the scabs as well. I wanted to be rid of my imperfections. Sadly, those scars would be there for as long as I lived. No helping that.

I sunk into the bath and under the water, letting myself come back up. I was sure Gabe wouldn’t mind if I took a bath. To be honest, he was the closest thing to a friend I had.

I finished quick, so used to short showers, and dried myself off. My bloody clothes lay in a corner.

Going to his room with just a towel on, I gasped at how much clothes he had in his closet. Dozens of jeans in all different colors and shirts and shoes and hats and things to try on.

I had to get my mind off of things. My head was still pounding. What if Gabe wasn’t strong enough, what if he and mom were lying in a bloody pool in the corner?

I shuddered and tried not to cry.

I threw my towel in the corner and went to find a clean pair of boxers. Gabe wouldn’t mind, would he?

Once I was completely dressed, in gray skinny jeans and a bright green t-shirt of some band I went to look in the mirror. Gabe and I were the same size, in fact. I slipped on a pair of bright shoes, and smiled to find they fit as well.

I’d never thought myself attractive but as I pushed my hair back out of my face and smiled such a crooked, bloody-lipped smile, I couldn’t help but think I might have a chance.

Maybe, I could live with Gabe, and share his clothes. I know that was the thing that girls liked to do, but still, it seemed nice to think that maybe, I had someone in the world to look up to, to be with, kinda like a big brother.

I walked out into his bedroom again and jumped to see him there, standing at the window.

“Oh, there you are,” he said as he turned around. He held a cloth to his cheek, it was bloodstained. “You look nice,” he smiled.

“What happened?” I asked quietly, almost afraid to ask.

He tossed the cloth aside. “Your stepdad can give a punch,” he laughed bitterly.

“Is my mom okay?”

He smiled wide. “She’s fine. I got her out. He punched me, I punched him. I think the force of it all, adding in he was shit-faced drunk, helped knock him clean out. And then I called the police. Your mom went to her sister’s in the city.”

“Oh my God,” I sobbed, running into his arms and hugging him tight. I cried into his jacket. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

He petted my hair gently, soothingly.

I looked up at him, and gently touched where he’d been hit. It wasn’t too bad. Sure, it would leave a bit of a scar, but not like I had left to show.

“He’s gone, you don’t have to worry about him,” Gabe whispered.

I let out a deep breath as I suddenly realized how close we were.

“If only I could…” Gabe touched my face and I shivered. “…take your pain away.”

He pressed his lips to mine, ever so softly.

I smiled and kissed him back, thinking how natural it was. I had never kissed much, and it had always been girls.

Gabe parted our lips, and slid his tongue into my mouth, sharing with me slow, passionate kisses.

We leaned up against the wall and entwined our fingers together.

He grabbed my hips and rubbed them against his. I couldn’t help but get hot with embarrassment as I felt his erection against my thigh.

I laid still in his arms. They were so strong. I felt like nothing could hurt me.

To me, that night still seemed like some amazing dream. Gabe was so perfect, and it seemed we were perfect, and we fit, in every little way.

Our bodies were cool now. He stroked my hair and planted kisses on my forehead.

“You know what I think?” I looked up at him.

“What, my love?”

“I think things just might get better.”