Back To the Disaster

Her room seemed like a jail cell. The photos framed upon her wall were nothing more than memories that she could never live again. Her bed, as bright as her spread was, didn't see many nights without tears on the bright colored pillows. Jasey Rae let out a deep sigh, spinning around faintly in her large computer chair. Her desk, colored with dark wood, held more than just a computer. Her phone, her lamp, her journal; and right now, her sanity.

She grabbed ahold of the desk, making her chair stop, as she stared at her phone. She held high hopes that when she came home, she could talk her parents into a family night, but the moment Jasey Rae stepped through the door, she realized she was alone. She was just looking for a reason to ignore the fact that she'd hurt one of her best friends. The only person she had left to call a friend.

Jasey Rae forced herself to pick up the telephone. She forced herself to dial his number. She forced herself to speak when he answered.

"I'm so sorry, Jack. I didn't mean half the things that I said, I was just upset and I lashed out at you. I'm sorry."

"Jase? Is that you? Look, it's fine about earlier, but-"

His voice began to fade in and out of the phone. Jasey held a finger to her ear, in hopes that his voice would flow through more clearly.

"Jack, are you there?"

"Jasey, you're breaking up-"

Her eyes scanned to her tall bedroom window, where she saw a dark sky with large rain clouds flowing over head. Her eyes grew slightly as a crack of thunder boomed through the sky, and lightening lit up her pale face. A moment later, Jack's voice was replaced by a dail tone. As quick as she picked it up, Jasey dropped the phone down on her desk, clutching tightly to the sleeves of her shirt. Another cracked boomed through the sky, only this time the lightening came with more power than before. Terrified, Jasey threw herself down on the floor, gasping for air.

Her real hate for being so scared of everything came when the rain began to beat down on her roof, With another loud boom outside, every light within Jasey's sight was cut dead. Her house grew silent, as the lights gave one last flicker before they died completely. Cursing to herself, Jasey peeled herself off the floor, trying hard not to cry.

Slowly, she walked herself down the stairs of her home and into the living room. Her breathing became almost normal as she drew closer to her front door, until the thunder started to sound like screaming outside. Jasey's heart beat picked up, and her feet began to carry her without permission.

Through the rain she ran- One foot in front of the other. The sleeves that kept her body warm inside were now weighing her down, soaked with cold rain. Her jeans began to sag, and her last second flip flops held no heat. Her hair looked almost black as the rain pinned it against her face, almost forcing her to take her steps blindly. As Jasey began to knock the hair out of her eyes, the wind began to burn her face, making her nose a rosey pink.

She didn't plan to end up there. Truth be told; it was the last place she wanted to be. His house looked so cozy, though. Even outside the door she could smell the cookies that his mother was cooking before the loss of power. She could see through the curtains that his family had lit several candles to bring them light. She could only imagine all the laughs they were having together. She always envied that more than anything about him; his family really cared.

He tried to pay attention to the board game his mother brought out. Honestly, he did. But as she sat the game in front of him, he couldn't even pick a color to be. He couldn't remember the rules to the game. Everything around him seemed to fade away as the lightening grew more dangerous and the thunder drew nearer. The only thing that Alex Gaskarth could think about was Jasey Rae, and the first night he began to lose her.

He could hear the rain hitting the roof of his house hard, and he heard his name being called again. When he heard the sound of the gravels in his front yard moving, he then realized who was calling his name. He hurried to his feet, leaving his blankets a mess on his bed, and darted down the stairs to his house. He tore his front door open, getting splashes of rain flying in his face, and smiled at the girl running as fast as she could towards him. Her smile was bright, her hair was messy, and her eyes were sparkling. Alex knew he'd get soaked anyway, from the embrace of her hug, so he stepped out into the rain to greet her.

"Alex," she breathed again, slipping on the grass, and sliding right into his arms. "Took you long enough."

He gave a deep sigh, jumping as he came back to his senses. Even as the memory unfolded his head, he never expected the pounding to start on his door. Before his mother stand from her seat, Alex beat her to it. His hand stayed on the handle as he listened to the banging.

Slowly, he peeled the door open, not a trace of shock on his face when he saw a desperate, terrified brunette. She let out a deep breath, her eyes begging for him to invite her in. To give her words of comfort. He shifted his weight, his eyes moving from her to the sky, where the clouds lit up like the forth of July.

"Alex," Jasey Rae finally chocked out. "I never meant for us to be like this, and I don't think you did either. If you really hated me, Alex, if you really didn't love me- Why did you keep those pictures? Why'd you have to throw them in my face?"

"I never hated you," Alex whispered. "I thought I didn't love you. I thought you were just going to hold me back from everything I wanted, but I was wrong. I loved you, Jase. I do love you, but I'm just no good for you. I'm bad news- I promise."

"You're not bad news to me," she begged. "Please just let me inside, Alex. You don't even have to speak to me, just let me know you're there."

It was almost as if she was offering him a moment of truth. If he let her in- He was letting her into his life. If he locked her out- He was saying goodbye. Of course Alex wanted to let her in. He spent half his nights missing her, all of his days thinking about her.

"Alex, please," Jasey breathed. "We can forget the bad things. Just remember the good. Alex please let me."

Even though she was freezing, shivering from the cold. Even though her eyes were dripping tears. Even though she was begging him to love her, Alex closed the door to his house without another word. He left Jasey Rae standing in the cold rain, with tears streaming down her beautiful face. It wasn't because he hated her, it was because he loved her. Jasey would be better off with someone like Jack, she'd be better off on her own. Alex was just going to set her up for heart break, and he knew that.

Alexander Gaskarth was always a fool.

Wait outside, I hope the air will serve to remind you that my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath, and my words are as timed as the beating in my chest.