Hate, Love, and Sex Appeal

“Hey, I’m up before you? That’s a shocker.”
My unwilling eye lids instantly pulled themselves back, allowing me to get a glance of a blurry Gerard hovering beside the bed.
“Mmm…can you grab my glasses for me?”
“You wear glasses?” Gerard asked from over by the dresser.

I tightly grabbed the body heated blanket in my outstretched hands and curled it securely around my body as I laid with my skinny knees close to my chest. I heard him quickly slide his heavy shoes off of his feet.
“Yeah, don’t you remember? Mikey helped me pick ‘em out when I was like eleven. You told me that you hated them, that they made me look fat, how they made me look fat, I’ll never know. Then you stole them from me and hid them. Frankie had to look for them for me. And you called me four-eyes, very unoriginal, might I add.”
“Oh yeah,” replied Gerard, chuckling as he carefully unfolded them and cautiously slid the black frames onto my warm face. He pushed them up the brim of my nose with just his pinky as he continued, “Sorry ‘bout that.”
He slowly laid down next to me and as soon as my glasses were on the right way, everything became intense and clearer.
“ ‘Sokay. It was forever and a half ago.”

I sat back up and leaned against the crimson wall and noticed that he was fully dressed.
“When the hell did you get up?” I questioned curiously.
“A while ago, sleepy head. Don’t make any plans from seven tonight on.”
That happened to catch my attention immediately. I was like a helpless fly stranding straight into the sticky web of an awaiting arachnid, just like he wanted me to.

“Why not?”
“Because I said not to.”
“That’s not a good reason, kiddo.”
“First off, I don’t need a good reason, although my reasons are good. Secondly, how many times do I have to tell you? I’m older than you by at least a year.”
“Yeah and?”
“It defeats the purpose of the word kiddo, Doll face.”

I stared at him intently and I finally realized what was so different about his look with radiant eyes as he gazed back. The comprehension smacked me in the face.
There wasn’t any putrid hate buried deep within his illuminated eyes when he spoke to me. There wasn’t anymore spite or anger of disgust when he looked into my eyes. There was none of what I had been used to hidden anywhere, not even a trace of it. I was in a completely new territory, somewhere I had never dared to enter.
This new feeling was like one of those mirror rooms you would find at a carnival. They’re always so confusing and always so frustrating to enter because you never know which way was right or wrong, leaving you destination bound. Each new turn only led you to another mirror and a fresh look at a slowly changing mask that seeped onto your skull. There was a whole process to it. When you first start it’s amusing, you test your limits, and step into unknown territory. Delighted, happy, curious.However, then you push your limits beyond reach and you get lost.Strayed, confused, doubtful.You can’t find your own way out and each and every turn, you’d face a different path. Agitated, frustrated, angered.You thought finding your way out was impossible and then, by some miracle, you find the right path, whether it was by a gut feeling or a simple game of ‘eeny, meany, miney, moe’.Relieved, reassured, restored.
Was I slightly agitated that was had the ability to send butterflies jetting though out my entire body with just a look? Was I a little frustrated that I started to listen and believe words that came from his mouth? Was I possibly angered that he was able to make me feel and make me want?Slightly, a little, possibly. Was he my gut feeling or a simple game of ‘eeny, meany, miney, moe’? I don’t know.

I smirked and replied, “Yeah and? Since when have boundaries like that ever stop me?”
“You really are a stubborn brat.” He joked as he rolled his eyes.
It was only about seven, I noted as I glanced up at the round-bodied clock hanging up on the wall.
“I don’t wanna get out of bed.” I quietly whined as my heavy head landed on the soft bed sheets.
“You gotta,” said Gerard as he attempted to detach the blankets from my iron grip.
“No, I don’t. Ha. You can’t make me.” I stated as I tightened my clutch. I started to laugh quietly as he touched a sensitive tickling spot on my side.
“Are…are you laughing? You’re laughing in the same room as me?” He asked in a joke filled tone.
“No.” I answered quickly with a deathly serious tone. Joking, of course.
“Oh my God, you’re ticklish, aren’t you.” He said it as more of a statement then a question.
That’s when I knew I was in deep shit.

“Don’t lie.”
“I’m not lying.” I said as I desperately held my breath.
“You know, I’ve known you since I was like five but I had no idea you were ticklish. This is a fun way of frustrating torture,” said Gerard, reading right through me. Had he always been able to do that?
“But I’m not.”
“I know when you’re lying too. Fancy that?”
“I’m not lying.” I said as a smile stole over my face.
My thick framed glasses were pushed against my skin as I continued to lay face down. He rapidly yanked the blankets off and out of my no-so-secure grip.
“No, give ‘em back.” I complained, still laying face down, grasping at thin air, trying to get the toasty blankets back.
“Wait, wait, wait.”
He tickled my side extremely gently. Don’t crack, Don’t crack. I let out a small hum of a giggle as I slowly rolled over onto my back to get away. Nothing too obvious, however…

“Ah! I heard you! I heard it!”
He instantly leaped onto me and started to tickle the hell out of me.
“No! No! No!” I whispered through snorts of laughter that literally busted through me.
“Are you begging?”
I dramatically gasped and whispered, “Never.”
“You know, now I know your weakness.” He said, looking down on me as he took a theatrical pause. Then he continued, “I’m going to find all your spots now, you know that, don’t you?”
“No you won’t because I’m not ticklish.”
“Fucking liar. Hmm here?”

He tenderly grabbed at my sides until I started laughing.
“Yes, there.” He said to himself. “What about here?”
He tickled under my arms and then my shoulders.
“Man, you have it bad. How about here?”
He tickled my thighs and I let out small chuckle.
“Here?”
He grabbed my knees and I started to kick. One of my weakest spots. I couldn’t even prepare myself to stop laughing.
“Oh my God, I never realized you’re so ticklish!” He said as he continued to tickle my knees.
“No! No, shh, stop!” I said as I thrashed and tried to get away.
“Do I hear you begging?”
“No.”
I laughed out as my knees began to ache as well as my stomach from laughing so hard.
“Come on, just beg, that’s all you have to do for me.”
“No, no, no, no.” I said as I shook my hands and tried pushing him off.
He grabbed my hands in one of his and answered, “Fine, have it your way.”
He continued to mercilessly tickle my knees. My stomach started to rip at the seams as I tried to contain myself. I didn’t want to give in but at this rate, I was trying to escape the inevitable . I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Ah! Gerard, stop it! No please, stop. I said it! I said it! Please no,” I begged through my laughter.
He stopped and grinned manically.
“You win, you fucker.” I whispered as I tried to catch my breath.
“Fuckin’ finally. Wait, how about here?”
He reached up higher on my thighs, the farthest he though he could go and I shuttered at his touch.
“Jesus Christ there too? Or are you just cold?”
I smirked at his childishly happy face. He took the hint as removed his hands. I don’t think I wanted him to.
“Oh…here?”

I felt his lips press against the skin of my neck.
“What gave ya that idea?” I asked as I closed my eyes and softly bit down on my bottom lip.
“Frank, whatever he did last night or this morning or whatever,” He said as he subtly blew cold air on the spot he had kissed.
“Ah, well, Frankie’s pretty skilled in that area.” I admitted as I smiled at the goose bumps he was giving me.
“You know he left a hickey right?”
“He did it that hard?” I asked as I reached up to my neck.
“Yeah.” He replied and swatted my hand away quickly.

He hummed as he latched himself on a patch of skin that connected my shoulder and my neck. He started sucking harder and harder, making me squirm underneath him.
"Oh, fuck...That hurts...Ow!" I said in between little giggles. I felt him smile as he continued. He delicately nibbled in the same spot and his teeth suddenly dug deeper without warning.
I gasped.
“Did I hurt you?
“No....well, maybe a little” I whispered, once I was sure enough.
He gently sucked on his mark he’d made on me and kissed it when he was done.
“I made it bigger and better. You don’t look so bad in that shade of reddish purple.”
I shook my head and grinned at his smirk. I think that’s the first time I’ve seen him smirk without wanting to take a baseball bat to his head.
He slowly got off of me and laid next to me as I went to grab the blanket. He clutched the blanket before I did and looked over at me.
“No, I’m not begging for them back.”
He grinned and handed them over but by this time I didn’t even want the damn thing.

Without a signal, Frankie barged into the room in his batman boxers.
“Nice boxers Frank.”
He looked down abruptly and then smiled as he modeled them off.
“Why, thank you.”
“Why are you so energetic in the morning, Frankie?” I asked, envying his enthusiasm.
“I dunno.” He shrugged his shoulders as he squished himself in between myself and Gerard, almost knocking Gerard off.
“Jesus how do you guys live with this bed?”
I laid on my back and Frankie was on his elbows.

“Holy hell, I didn’t realize I made it that big,” he said as he caught a glance of my neck.
He placed his pinky on the spot where I’m guessing it was located and stared at it. I glanced over at Gerard, who was trying to stop himself from grinning. He looked up, and I smirked back.
“What?” Frank asked.

“So what are we doing today?” Mikey asked, steadily filling his spoon with the last of the Cheerio’s.
“I dunno.” I replied with my head in my arms, using the table as my soft comfy pillow.
“Well, we could hang out with Poot, Logan and all of them. You know, have them over here and watch a movie or something,” answered Frank.
“Sure but I have something to do at seven. So does Bri,” replied Gerard as he dumped the remaining milk out from his sky blue bowl into the sink.
I knew Frank and Mikey well enough to know they were grinning and very curious.
“Where ya goin’ ?” Mikey asked, innocently.
“Wait…you guys aren’t going to, you know, murder each other brutally, right? I have no reason to worry, should I?” asked Frank, furiously drumming his knuckles on the wooden table’s edge.
“I’m not telling’.”

I grinned. I never really took any notice to his strange yet sarcastic sense of humor. I subtly lifted my head and snagged Frank’s read sweatshirt off of the back of my chair. I hastily tugged it over my head and started pulling, I think Frank’s, shoes on by the back door, without a single word escaping me.
“Hey Breezily, where you goin’ ?” Frank asked as I stood up and brushed the specks of dirt away.
“Beach.”
“But Bri it looks like it’s about to down pour,” said Mikey as I gripped the brass door handle in my hand.
“Eh, the rain’s the rain. It’ll do me good.”

I walked out as I pulled the hood up over my small head.
As I walked across the back deck I heard Frank ask, “Is she alright?”
Ah, Frankie, always so caring, he was. Always knew when there was something up no matter how hard I tried to show that I was, in fact, fine.
“Yeah, I think so,” answered Gerard with a doubtful tone, I heard it as I stepped down the stairs. Worry? Was that what I heard in his voice? Or was he just uncertain?
I went down the wooden stairs in a bit of a jog. It really did look like the sky was about to create floods but that really didn’t bother me whatsoever.

I was confused as anything. What had happened to me within the last few days? Without even considering the possibilities, I let Gerard see a level deeper. He had me asking myself questions I thought never existed and no answers to follow.
I reached the murky boardwalk and stealthily jumped through the side, landing on the plushy sand that was underneath.
I needed to escape but I couldn’t. These pestering thoughts had plagued my mind, they were tearing away the layers I had built up over the years with their own little devious toxins. I was no longer in control. I felt defenseless, weak, and insecure. It was like I couldn’t stand on my own two feet without needing someone to help me. How’d he do it? How did he get me to do whatever he wanted? Why did he get me going like this? Iwanted him to kiss me. I told him to because I wanted to feel his lips against mine, his inviting skin seep it’s warmth into my skin. How come, after all of these years, he decided to play little mind games with me? I don’t get it. What made him change? I mean, there must have been a reason. There’s always a reason to changing like that. Was he so jealous of Logan that he let me see a whole new side of him? Or was this side just a lie to make me look like an idiot?

I left a muddy trail of footprints within the clay like sand. I absentmindedly kicked a few smoothie colored pebbles towards the water.
Was he thinking what I was? Does he regret anything? Because, truth be told, I had no regrets. None. Weird, huh? I hate a kid for all my life then I tell him to kiss me and don’t regret it. Was he putting himself through this? Questioning himself about newly found feelings, just like me?

“Hey, Frank?”
I spun around and smiled.
“Nope, second guess?”
“Hey, Bri,” said Logan as he grinned back, looking into the violent red hoody and into my eyes.
“Hey, look, I’m really sorry about last night. My parents wanted us to stay in and just I felt bad, it was raining and--”
“Naw, it’s alright. I kinda only waited about five minutes, no big deal.”
He continued to walk with me as the ocean waves slapped against the shore.
“So you wanna hang tonight?” He quietly asked as he stared at his stepping feet.
“I kinda can’t.” I responded slowly.
“Oh…why not?”
“I have plans with Gerard, actually.” I answered, being completely honest.
“Gerard?” He asked, trying to suppress shock.
“Yeah, shocking, I know.” I side glanced over at him and he looked disappointed.
“Are you avoiding me, Bri?”

Frank’s Etnies stopped me from taking another step.
“Why would you think that?” I questioned with a confused expression cemented to my face.
“I dunno, it’s just…you’ve kinda acted a bit different since we kissed and I was wondering if I did something wrong or if you just didn’t wanna be around me or something.”
He turned and his deep olive green eyes stared me down as if looking for a sign or a clue written across my face.
“No, it--I…I’m not. It’s just I have a lot of thoughts in my head. Trying to sort things out, ya know?” I exclaimed, trying to be sincere when all I wanted was to be alone. Although I did feel guilty that he felt that way.
“It’s just that I really like you a lot, Bri, and I didn’t want to screw up my chances with you.”
“No, it’s not you, really.”
Lie. Partial lie, anyway.
“Alright, I just wanted to make sure,” said Logan as started to walk again and I followed.
“Yeah, no. it’s not you. Well, Frank and Mike wanna hang out with you, Poot, Mac, and Jade tonight, now that I’m thinking.”
“Sounds cool…but you won’t be there.”
“I will for a little while, until like seven.”
“Alright, sounds cool. I’ll tell them. What about tomorrow night, you free?”
“Yeah, I am. Wanna hang out?”
“Sounds like a plan to me.

“Hey Lo!”
We spun around to find Poot on the boardwalk waving at us.
“Alright, well I’ll leave ya alone now. So we’ll see you at…”
“Around five-ish?”
“Sure, see ya.”
I grinned in response as he jogged off towards Poot. Poot waved dramatically over to me I could tell he was grinning like crazy. I gently waved back as I turned and continued the walk, with no real destination in mind.
Logan. I still kind of liked him and he seemed really sweet. But Frank, however, made me second guess it. He was my best friend and he didn’t trust him and it seemed like he didn’t want me to either. Which, I still don’t understand. What had Logan done to make them not trust him? What hadn’t I noticed? I didn’t want to hurt Logan by any means. I was actually in a bit of a shock that he thought I would be avoiding him. Had he given me reason to avoid him?

“Hey, nice boxers.”
I gradually turned my head and saw four guys snickering at me. I glared by chose to keep walking instead of saying anything.
“Oh, it’s a chick, sorry bout that miss.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
They walked over to me and followed around me, with their hands shoved into their jeans of pockets and sweatshirts.
“It was only a joke, honest, honey.” One of them claimed.
“Yeah. So did it hurt?”
“Did what hurt? Your pathetic attempt at a joke? Not so much.” I shot back in acute annoyance.
“Naw, sweety, when you fell from heaven.”

“Sorry, sweetheart I’m not the ditsy type who falls for tacky pick up lines. Nice try.” I snapped at them.
“Ooh, really. Tell me what’d you like, then.”

Alright. That’s it.

“You know what I like? When dirt bags such as yourselves, get run over by trucks. So go lay down in the middle of a highway or something and leave me alone.” I said as anger and bitterness washed over me like a tsunami.
They all snickered and “oohed”. I shook my head and kept walking, restraining myself from taking one of them out. I knew they were older than me, bigger, and probably three times stronger than me as well but that wouldn’t stop me if I finally flipped.
“Oh, come one hun. You don’t even want to get to know us? We’re all pretty decent guys.”
I laughed out of spite and hastily answered, “You’re kidding me, right?”
“Nope.”
I wasn’t one to completely freak out but they weren’t going away.
“Seriously, what the hell do you want?”
“To get to know you better.” One of them started harshly grabbing my waist and pulling me closer.
“Get the hell off of me.”

“Hey Bri!”
Which ever guy grabbed had me let me go. I looked up and there was Gerard and Frankie. I caught Frankie’s glance and he knew.
“Hey guys.” I said as I stopped walking. They hadn’t left yet, what were they waiting for?
“Hey babe,” said Gerard as he walked over with his hands in his sweatshirt pocket. He winked at me and I figured it all out.
“Hey hun.” I replied as he came over next to me and kissed me softly on the lips. I could only imagine what was going through Frankie’s head right now.
“Hey guys,” said Gerard in a cheery tone as he pulled me away from their crowd and next to him, holding my waist next to his body.
“Hey what’s up? Who’re you?” One of them nodded at Gerard, trying to act cool about the whole thing.
“Oh, me? I’m her boyfriend, she didn’t tell you?”
“Uh--”
“Or were you too busy harassing her to let her get a word in edge-wise?” His accusing tone was still cheery but so damn scary at the same time. If I hadn’t known him I would have been intimidated.
“No, we were just--”
“Oh okay, good, because I thought I was hearing things,” said Gerard, airily, nodding. He continued, “Well, it was nice meeting you guys but we’ve got somewhere to be.”

I heard them mumbled amongst themselves as Gerard took my right hand into his left. Frankie followed close behind us. I waited until we were far enough away and then I let go of Gerard’s hand.
“You okay?” Frankie asked, rubbing my shoulder.
“Yeah, I’m fine. How’d you guys find me?”
I didn’t mean to sound so defensive but that’s the way it came out.
“Um, we went for a walk and saw you because a that sweatshirt. We saw those guys around you and when we got closer, we heard them talking to you like that and well spoke up,” replied Frankie.
“You were following me?” I asked, once again sounding defensive.
“We got worried you just got up and left. It’s a good thing we did too,” said Gerard as he tugged the hood off from the top of my head.
“I could have handled it.” I replied in such an unconfident tone.
“Oh yeah, you were doing a great job, especially when that guy grabbed you like that. Top of the line, ace, in fact.” Gerard shot back sarcastically.
I glared up at him without a response and then looked away. Once again, I needed someone to fight for me, save me, help me. I couldn’t do it on my own. I watched our feet as we continued to walk.
“Thanks.” I said as I looked up at the pier on the boardwalk.
“So, boyfriend, eh? And that kiss? You guys acted it out so good, looked like you meant it,” said Frank as he walked on the other side of me, attempting to lighten the mood when all he did was make it a bit worse.
“Yeah, we’re all such great actors,” said Gerard.

Ouch. That stung.

I glanced over at him to find him looking back at me.
“You’re welcome.”
Ah, yes, the tension, once again, had reached a level higher and confusion hung it’s noose around my neck.

“That hickey isn’t mine, is it,” hissed Frankie into my ear as the ocean crashed down onto the shore with a might splash.
My mouth was left gaping open and eyes wide as I looked over at him. He smiled sweetly as he looked up at the sky with squinted eyes.
“Hey Frank? Could we have a minute…alone?” asked Gerard glancing down at me.
“Yeah, sure I’ll meet you guys back at the house,” said Frankie as he took off towards the house, leaving me and Gerard alone.