Hate, Love, and Sex Appeal

“What’d he want?” Gerard asked inquisitively as I cautiously walked into the nearly empty house.
“Nothing really, just to hang out.”
“Oh.”
He faintly raised his head with the dreary murmur of response as I shuffled over to the closet to acquire a clean towel so that I could shower.
“What’d you say?”
I spun on my heel to see him duplicate my footsteps.
“What? I didn’t say any- oh, you mean to him?”
He briefly nodded as I absentmindedly passed him a rich sapphire towel.
I couldn’t look at him and tell him the calloused truth without any remorse. Why did I feel so damn guilty for telling him I made plans with Logan? It wasn’t fair how he was just able to cast a single look in my direction and I’d start to curiously question my once so stable intent all over again. Where had he obtained the ability to make culpability course through my translucent veins with such a fierce and forceful capability. More importantly, when? Nevertheless, I had to know what Logan was up to; at least for Frankie’s sake. That horrendous guilt needed to burrow itself into a different hole in a different mentality.
“Um…I told him that I was grounded.” I said as I apprehensively toiled with the gentle fabric of the jade green towel I had grabbed for myself.
“Good. I can’t believe he told you to let go. Idiot.” Gerard mumbled more to himself than me as he began to walk towards the desolate kitchen.

“Yeah, that would have been a hard drop.” I admitted as flashes of the ground slipped like grease into my conscious.
“Could’ve sworn you were gunna make plans with him.”
I shrank in infinite guilt and opened my mouth and just let it slip.
“You’d of been right…though.”
I mentally prepared myself for the venom he’d form into words that he’d spit out in absolute resentment.
“What the hell?”
I collapsed into a chair at the diminutive glass table that sat over to the side of the room. He had said it so coolly that it was able to make my skin crawl. I glanced up and saw his lethally mesmerizing gaze cast over my way. If I wasn’t wary, he could suck me right into that tiny black hole of his, no problem whatsoever.

“You made plans with him?”
I nodded my head in delayed response. He lightly chuckled almost menacingly as he set down a plastic cup and leisurely poured a heavily-ruby dyed liquid within its inside.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you?”
Rhetorical question? Or was it not? There were countless reasons as to why I am so fucked up. For example, I could just answer with his name, what could be more fucked up then that?
“A lot of things. But why is that so bad?”
“Well, for one, it’s not necessarily bad you’re fucked up. However, you do know that you made plans with a complete druggie, right?”

I shot a malicious glare over at him, rapid-fire style.
“What’s the suppose to mean?”
He didn’t so much as look back at me as he reached into the coat pocket of the jean jacket that he had recently hung up on the wall to seize a packet of Marlboros.
“Oh, he didn’t tell you?”
He thoughtlessly struck a match at ease and set the end of the cigarette that dangled nonchalantly from his distinctively flawless lips ablaze with a shivering blue flame.
I waited impatiently for the answer, just like he knew I would.
“He’s a junkie, sells heroin in one of the downtown alleyways, a bit cliché for my taste. Thought he would have told you by now since you were bound to find out anyway.”
“How do you know that?” I shot back skeptically, however, gaining both confidence and anger, which prickled like rose thorns underneath my skin. I, myself, had no idea why I chose to stick up for him like that. I was about to slit his throat open for possibly damaging Frank. Old habits die hard, I guess.

“How do you not know?” He replied in a threateningly amused tone as he inhaled deeply, sucking in as much of the cancer-infested substance as he could manage.
“So, what’s the difference?”
“What do you mean, what’s the difference? Difference between what?”
“His drugs and yours?”
Abrupt fury thrashed itself within his inky black pupils as his eyes glared over into mine and they seemed as though they had shot already bloody red daggers at me. His golden speckled irises like ice and lava simultaneously bound mine in a dangerous game of tug-of-war.
“There’s a big fucking difference if you want to be frank.”

A misshaped inconsistent patch of ashy smoke floated around him like a distant fog. The smoldering embers on the end of the cigarette frequently flashed the tip of a highlighted volcano each time he sucked in.
“Like what.” I answered spitefully.
His eyes reminded me of an intimidating cheetah‘s, dangerously deceitful as they flickered between my carefully chosen words, about to pounce in and initiate a carefully premeditated massacre. I guess that's what you get for watching too much Animal Planet.
“Do you really want to know that answer?”

I could have pushed my limits, my designated boundaries, my luck and I had my list of limitless ways of pissing him off entirely. I could have gone all the way back to old habits, I could have been like a bamboo shoot underneath his fingernail. I could do it if I truly desired to infuriate him further.
“Never mind.”
I mumbled angrily as I gently impelled my chair outward and walked away.
“Thought not.”
I spun around to see him blowing out a line of putrid smoke as he stared back at me. I could have said a million witty things drenched in terminal venom but I chose to continue on to the shower.

I lazily tugged on a pair of Frankie’s sweatpants, which sent a twinge of ache spurting up and down my spine. I yanked on my Batman sweatshirt as I toweled my hair dry. Even as I did that, my back ached as though it had been torn into pieces. I glanced out the window to witness rain clouds rolling in. Their mind-numbingly bulky bodies saturated with future rainfall.
I trudged out into the hall in bare feet which might not have been so intelligent due to the fact that the wood in this house managed to reach such a low temperature. I cringed as the icy floorboards nipped at my toes and relaxed as soon as they sunk into the inviting warmness of my room’s carpet. Gerard was sitting on the ground with scattered rainbow colored pencils and markers scattered around him. I finished drying my hair, or was close to it as a result of my growing laziness, and by this time the sky was overflowing with mutinous grayness. I instantly winced as I bent down to pick up the towel which I had oh so graciously dropped while gazing out of the window. I guessed it hurt more than I thought it would. I mean, it shouldn’t have hurt me this great a deal, I lost my footing and landed on my back on the roof, that’s all. I bit my lip to keep from making a solitary sound as I reached down a bit further to nip the highest piece of the towel with two fingers.

I tossed it into the empty laundry basket and carefully attempted to lay on my stomach on the bed top. A string of vulgarity raced through my mind like a soaring rocket ship. I let out a soft whimper as I finally plopped down gently.
I heard Gerard leave the room but honestly? I didn’t give a shit. He had to thrust the whole Logan-heroin bit into my face and he was the one who let his anger be the plague and made his rounds on me. Within five minutes, I heard the crackle of bending wood right outside the door and then the door shut again. I was facing the wall with my stubby arms hidden underneath me. I didn’t bother to pay any attention.
“Where does it hurt?”

I inhaled and realized his voice didn’t sound so angry. Still with a dash of irritation, yes, but softer still.
“I’m not hurt, I’m fine.”
“Where does it hurt? Which part of your back?”

Why was I such a fragile piece of shit? My clumsiness had taken yet another drunken joyride yet I was the one who dealt with the hangover.

“I’m fine, go back to drawing.”
I heard him sigh heavily as the heavenly bed sank down under his weight.
“Why are you so stubborn?” He whispered.
I felt him lean beside me but I tried to act indifferent. Pretending not to care that he was so damn close.
“I don’t need a reason. Stop it, I’m fine.”
“Here?”
He tenderly traced the edge of my pathetic excuse for a shoulder blade with two cotton fingertips.
“I’m fine.”
“Here?”
He ran the same two fingers down a little bit until he reached the center.
“Here?”
Excruciating and unanticipated pain shot between my eyes when he lightly pressed down; I was seeing constellations beyond physical reach.
“No.” I moaned unconvincingly as I dug my teeth into my lip, not enough to draw blood, and I plunged the obvious mask that had found its way into my face into the depths of my pillow.
“There.”

I felt him gradually lift my sweatshirt up.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?

Icy coldness swallowed that area in a hazardous blizzard.
“What does it feel like I’m doing?”
“But it’s cold.”
“Yeah, ice has that tendency.”
Tightness pulled at my skin, it was wreathing and begging to have fire set aglow in that very spot.
“Gerard, I’m fine. It’s too cold.”
“Quit being such a pansy. You need to get the swelling down. Here.”

Instant warmth ignited my insides as he grasped my minuscule waist. The sudden change in temperature had been, though unexpected, extremely pleasant . He traveled up along the sides of my torso, shots of heat ventilated through me, making me forget about the ghastly cold state the center of my back was enduring.
“Here, get under the covers, you’re freezing.”
“Ice does have that tendency.” I mimicked casually as I did as I was told after removing the bag of ice.
“Smart ass.”

The cover’s cotton kiss was overly welcomed by my craving skin. Goosebumps arose from my skin and tightened my outside layer more then before. He had removed himself from the bed back to the floor where his tattered art pad and dulled colored pencils lurked. I watched him as he drew with such a fluid-like and agile pace. It was almost graceful watching him draw. I stared through an envious pair of eyes. An immeasurable amount of time passed by noiselessly before,
“I hate it when most people do that.”
He had startled my from my daze and at first, I thought I had imagined it because he never stopped sketching or made any sudden movement whatsoever.

“Hm?”
“I can feel you staring at me. I hate it when most people do that. It’s a total lack of privacy.”
“We’re sharing a room. How much privacy do you expect?” I snapped back, half agitated and half amused.
“I said ‘most’ not ‘all’.”
“Geez, I get it, I won’t stare. All ya had to do was ask.”

I rolled over carefully, although my body was more cautious then my mind, as if it knew on its own not to go too quickly.
“For some reason, that I cannot fathom, I don’t mind you.”
“Gee, that’s nice.” I chuckled bitterly, still not understanding.
“No, when you watch me draw, I don’t mind it. Usually, when Mikey or Frank or someone watch me it makes me mess up or it doesn’t come out right. It doesn’t happen when you watch me.”
“Oh.” I answered subtly, my sub-conscious had kicked in and taken the initiative as I did so.
“How’s your back?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I’d said I felt perfectly fine.”
“You’re right, I wouldn’t. Would you mind if I tried something?”
“I’m not sure.”
“You don’t trust me?”

It wasn’t his usual bitter tone that was laced with disappointment that escaped those lustful lips of his. It was teasingly amused as if he knew I couldn’t do anything about him trying, whether I liked it or not. Besides, he knew I hated being treated any differently, he had tested those waters long ago. I hated being tended to, it made me feel ridiculously incapable at succeeding the simplest of tasks. Not to mention it made me feel incompetent as well.

Strategic play, Way.

“It just depends on whatever that something is.”
“Well,” answered Gerard as he swiftly detached himself from the floor and onto the bed besides where I was laying tummy down. “I hadda learn this for a course in school. I thought it was pointless but I guess it comes in handy.”

The exceedingly warm covers slid down to my waist as the bed, once again, dropped as his weight was added.
The hilt of his hand rubbed in a circular pattern in random areas of my back. At first, I though it would hurt but, on the contrary, it was so soothing that my eye lids were slowly draping over my hazel speckled green irises.
“I’m not hurting you, right? Cause I dunno if I’m doing it right.”
My droopy eyelids finally succeeded in closing all the way.
“No, it feels really good. You’re making me sleepy.” I reassured him.

The remembrance of the aching of my back was fading with each circular pattern traced within my skin. He applied pressure in all the right spots and I fought with my conscious to stay awake.
“You can fall asleep, you know.”
“I don’t want to.” I argued, however, I sounded as though I was heavily medicated.
“Yeah, you do. Your body needs it. Would you care if…”
He trailed off and his hands were suddenly his voice. He gently slid them under my sweatshirt, but stopped just above the hem, awaiting my answer.
“Mm-mm.”
“ ‘Mm-mm’ as in ‘no don’t do it’ or ‘mm-mm’ as in no you wouldn’t care?”
A stubborn smile crept onto my face as he whispered. He was so quirky one minute and so friggen mysterious the next. Just like a Rubik cube, for one minute it’s fun and you’re so fucking determined to get all the colors onto the right side. Yet, the next you’re chucking it out the window because there was a green square in the middle of the red squares and it just shouldn’t have been.
I held up two fingers to tell him I chose the second ‘mm-mm’. My inattentive mind was beginning to take on life of it’s own as he continued with my massage. I couldn’t help but think that it was bizarre. I was the kind of person who was tremendously squeamish whenever I was being touched. Sure, hugs were always wanted but I’d entirely freak out if anybody, sometimes including Frank, touched me. Yet, both my conscious and body allowed him access to my bare skin without any hesitancy at all.
The consoling heat that radiated from his confident hands buried itself within my skin, igniting every last cell.

The next time I opened my eyes it was completely dark. There weren’t any objects outlined with a single speck of light, nothing giving me the slightest clue as to where I was or even what room I was in. I dreaded the unfamiliarity that always flooded and drowned my insides with infectious skepticism. In my hand, there was a rigid piece of plastic, knobs engraved into my palm. I curiously clicked one of them and the blank screen of the television rushed to life, shining a bright light throughout the room, nearly blinding me.
I heard a frustrated mumble from behind me and then I felt him stir in agitation.
“Why…light…burns…turn off.”

I lazily smiled as he unenthusiastically grumbled into the pillow.
“And you say you’re not a vampire…”
I automatically clicked to channel fourteen to see the time.
8:45
“Off.”
He quickly reached over to take the remote away and kill the TV light. For just waking up, he had pretty damn quick reflexes. I held it away from him quicker then he could grab it.
“Grr…”
“Are you growling at me?”

Now, Gerard didn’t exactly have… what many would call a “manly” laugh. He had sort of a cackle that would change pitches depending on how hard he laughed. I used to make fun of him for it too. I mean, with a laugh like that, he’s doomed to have someone say something about it. Yet, now it seemed extremely contagious and I admit it, it’s cute.
He giggled as he continued to growl like an animal and make desperate attempts to win the remote from my outstretched hand. Half sprawled on top of me and now fully functioning, I had no idea why he was still so determined to retrieve the remote out of my grasp. My body fell into a fit of quiet laughter as he missed my moving hand by inches.
“Why are you trying to get the remote away?”
“Well, I was sleeping and that light, which burned my eyelids out,-” as he directed towards the flashing TV-”woke me up and somebody wouldn’t turn it off.”
“So you admit you’re a vampire. That’s good. The first step is admitting you have a problem.”
“Am not. Although,” he swiftly extracted the remote from my grip with a swiftness that was to be envied, “if I was I’d be able to turn you into one too. That and I’d have fangs. I’d scare the fuck out of people.”
The television screen instantly fell away to darkness. The sudden light deduction willingly blinded me, still seeing abstracted flurries of glaring whiteness. His weight distributed out on me and he slowly fixed himself.
“When did I fall asleep?”
“A while ago.”
“What are you doing?”
His fingers were in search of something, nevertheless, I was oblivious to what.
“Trying…to find…here.”
I felt his fingers crawl into the spaces between mine as his dampened palms caressed mine.
“Have you ever considered the possibility that you might actually be a vampire.”
“You’re such a wise ass. Know what?”
I grinned and daringly asked, “No, what?”
“You’re gunna regret saying that.”
“Mmmhm.”
“I swear you are. Once that hickey of yours is double its size…”
“No! Don’t don’t don’t…you’ve already made it larger than necessary. Don’t.”
“Don’t? Don’t what?”

His brazenly teasing tone dwindled to a soft whisper and his balmy breath tickled my skin as he drew closer.
“No, Gerard.” I groaned in utter protest to his malicious idea of revenge.
The tip of his nubby nose grazed the length of my neck.
“Please, Gerard, don’t.”
I began to laugh as I realized my frantic attempts to obstruct his idea were pathetically hopeless.
His wet mouth trailed to where he last left the mark and softly nipped at it.
“Ger-”
He instantly covered the entire spot with his mouth, his slippery tongue danced around. He started slowly sucking my neck and within seconds I could feel little prickles of pain where he was nibbling at.
I felt him slyly grin as he kissed my neck, dampening my skin with a thin coat of saliva.
“Hearing you beg is revenge enough.”
“Jerk.”

His slightly chapped lips enclosed mine with his.
“Take it back.”
Kiss
“No way.”
“Take it.”
“Uh-huh.”
Kiss

His feathery hair brushed against my shut eye lids as he laid his forehead against mine, his minty breath tingling my nose.
“I’ll make you take it back.”
I pressed my lips to his momentarily.
“Try me.”
He chapped lips brushed against mine slowly, almost painfully slow, and his hands enclosed my head within their undeniable grasp. I couldn’t help but oblige to his skillful seduction. His thick dampened lips devoured mine and butterflies invaded my stomach, fluttering their dusty wings against my insides. I let my fingers entangle within his thick midnight black hair as he deliberately tugged my thigh up to his. His gentle yet firm hands caressed every line of my frame as our tonsil hockey match perpetually deepened with every sloppy little kiss.
“How’s your” kiss “back?”
“It’s fine.”

A distracting beam of light shone it’s brilliance directly into the blackened room.
“’ The hell?” Gerard instantly glanced upward at the cause of the lighting adjustments. I tried mimicking his motions but gained no success.
“I knew it!”
“Frankie…” growled Gerard under his breath.
“Gee…I gotta talk to her…”
“Can’t it wait?….Alright, alright.”

Gerard reluctantly removed himself from the clay-like bed and let himself out through the door way. I anxiously toyed with the stretched out sleeves of my hoody until most of my hands were hidden from view. I distinctly heard the door ‘click’ shut and Frank came into my view at once.
He stumbled over and lazily sat across the bed.
“Frank, are you alright? You really scared the crap out of my with that letter.”
I bit my swollen lip out of worry and tried to look at his hazel speckled green eyes. If there was the one thing that helped me read Frank Iero better, it was always those desirable eyes.
“I’m fine, I told you that before. Don’t worry about me.”
“But Frank, you said-”
“I’d explain and I want to, so badly. But… I can’t…”
He sighed heavily and leisurely glanced up into my apprehensive expression. He harshly rubbed at his temples with one hand as he tried to hide away his eyes. He had gained a bit of a tan from the day out but he looked just as weak and defenseless.
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s really hard. I can’t tell you without telling you. I want to tell you, I really do, honestly. But if I told you…he’d know.”
“Logan? Logan would know? Is that it?”
He subtly nodded without looking away from my eyes.
“Frankie, you gotta tell me, I can handle it. Besides, how would he know you told me?”
“Bri, I can’t let myself do that. Just, trust me on this. We’re best friends right?”
“Or course, but…”
“Then trust me when I say you can’t trust Logan.”
“Is this about Logan dealing drugs? Because if it is, Gerard already let that slip out to me.”
“No, it’s not about that.”
“Then what is it?”
“Brianna, please,” his voice wavered as though it wasn’t easy to speak. His eyes grew misty as he gave nothing but that fact away. “I can’t let him hurt you, it’s better if you didn’t know.”
My tough voice was caught between the layers of the knot that was emerging within my throat, choking me, gagging me. It was difficult to even swallow because of the heartbreaking sight.
“Frankie, just tell me if he hurt you. I have to know, please you gotta let me in somehow.
You said you’d explain.”

The sturdy stitches of my side were steadily deteriorating as my emotions grabbed hold of me. I could not bear to even think Frank could ever get this upset. He had always been that happy-go-lucky kid, the one that always had a goofy smile plastered across his face. To see him near tears tore me apart. I felt so much more vulnerable then I had before. The display of such anguish and sheer misery brought me close to gagging. My breathing was staggered and my lungs weren’t keeping pace.

“He’d hurt you if I told you. He told me what he’d do to you. He’s a fucking lunatic. I swear to God if ever ever did what he told me I don’t think I could ever live with myself. He said not a word, you can’t know anything. Bri, your face shows everything. Everything. If I told you, the next time you saw him, you’d have it across your face like a Halloween mask. I can’t put you there, I can’t...I can’t. Please, just trust me. Please? Can you do that for me?”

My jaw was suspended and I tried to swallow but failed miserably. My tiny hands quivered within themselves and goose bumps occupied my entire body. I felt the rush of blood in my face falter to a promising stop. I nodded with great difficulty as I carefully leaned forward into his powerful arms. Gerard must have been able to tell him that I had hurt my back because he hugged at my waist.
“So how was your date with Gerard? Don’t skimp out on any details either.”

He always managed to clasp onto a strong note. Though he was younger, he felt like somewhat of a protective older brother, always looking out and finding ways to make me try to forget not to be happy. He clung onto me tightly as though he were about to lose me as I told him how my date went.
But that settled it. I had to go with Logan tonight, wherever he taking me. I couldn’t just sit here and pretend nothing was going on. Frank was never like this, ever. I had seldom seen this kid upset. Frank was my best friend. I needed to protect him at any cost. Gerard wasn’t going to stop me, either.

[a/n: Sorry it took so long to update....again :\ but here it is and to make this dreadfully long process of writing these chapters shorter...I'm just writing one chapter right after the next. Kudos and Candy to all those who comment ;] Thanks to my subscribers who actually...read and comment..and thanks for always being patient, although I occasionally receive death threats that are provoked by impatience, but they always seem to bring a smile to my face :] Thanks guys :] <3]