The Letters of an Autophobic

"This one here," Frank pointed to another tatoo on his body, "I just got it a couple weeks ago; like it?"

I examined it carefully, "I was never one for this kind of thing..." I said slightly under my breath, "it's awesome."

His smile could not have been wider. He chomped on some vegetable fried rice as the rest of us dug into some glorious meat infested food. I had General Tsao's chicken and rice, letting the steam comfort and soothe my head. I sat next to Frank while Gerard and Mikey sat on the other side; Mr. Way at the head. I'd look up occasionally and notice that Gerard would look at me and then divert his eyes to his food. I think Mr. Way caught on.

"Gerard, what brings you to Brooklyn?" he asked after taking a sip of water.

"Just wanted to come see Mikes and you. Really, Frankie's a plus," he pointed to Frankie with his fork, "Nice to see you again."

"Ditto, my man," Frank muffled through stuffed cheeks.

"How're you feeling Ellie?" Mr. Way brought his attention to me.

"Um," I pushed my food around, "I'm doing better, thanks."

"That's good. Michael found Nathan's phone number and gave him a call," he smiled like any father could, "He said that as long as you were alright and you got your homework done, you could stay out however long you wanted. Personally, I think you should be back by at least 10:30, seeing as a beautiful young girl as yourself can't trust boys like these wolves."

The guys stopped shoveling food for a second to make eye contact with Mr. Way. He was looking especially at Gerard. They looked into each others' eyes for a long time until I coughed and took a sip of water. When I put the glass down, they were all eating once more, as if nothing happened.

"Hey Ellie," Gerard said, "Would you like me to walk you home?"

"Yes," I said. I think a little too quickly...

We threw the dishes into the sink, Mr. Way saying he'd do them, "Go enjoy the day."

The bunch of us walked around, Gerard keeping me close to him. I know Brooklyn's not that safe, but seriously... He was holding my hand and looking about the street as if waiting for a predator.

"Gee, this ain't Jersey." Mikey said flatly, Frank agreeing.

"Jersey? Like New Jersey?" I asked.

"Yeah, our hometown, Belleview, is in New Jersey," Gerard replied, "It's not a good thing to just walk around Jersey. I guess that sense to always be on a look out kinda stuck... Plus you being here doesn't make me any calmer."

"In many ways not calmer," Frank snickered to Mike.

"Here's five dollars, go buy yourselves some ice cream and fuck off." Gerard muttered darkly, ignoring the comment.

"I don't fuck off to ice cream you creeper," Frank said, ahast.

Gerard pulled my hand and we crossed the street, leaving the other two to their demise. The world seemed quiter at 7:45 at night. Gerard was singing Tonight, Tonight mostly to himself, but he clenched to my hand tighter as he lullabied me unintentionally. I wanted to say something... My head slumped slightly to the side, resting on his shoulder. It wasn't that comfortable, but I was starting to fall asleep again. His voice was so lovely. We somehow made it to a park bench, in the middle of the park actually. The sun was almost gone and there we stood, in front of the bench.

"You want to sit? You scare me when you doze off while we're walking." he asked, truly concerned about me.

I nodded, my eyes barely focussing. He pulled me towards him as we sat and held me close. He hummed as the park lights flickered a glow and the city started to go to sleep. I was calm for once outside of my home. My heart was finally in tranquility as my hero stayed near me.

"It is a dream though," I sighed.

"It doesn't have to be," he replied, probably thinking what I was thinking.

"You're not gonna be here tomorrow. You have school, then a job; the world needs you more than I do." I nuzzled into his arm.

"That's bullshit," he laughed, his torso moving in time with his laughs, "I'm rock bottom as it is, and I'm holding you up from down there. I'll keep you above the water, even if it drowns me."

He pulled me up to his lap and looked me straight in the eye, "Nothing will come between us again, I won't let you get hurt as long as I'm alive. I can't imagine it... I feel bad for hurting you before."

I looked into the broad hazel eyes and I felt it; security, the ability to trust him. My hand was gripped to his arm jacket as his arms kept me warm; his hands carressing my back mindlessly. I smiled.

"It's only day one and look at how close we are already. You think it could really last?"

"I don't think there could be anyone else but you El, I really care. You make me want to live."

"I don't know..." I looked to the sky and pondered.

"Ellie, please," he groaned and brought his head closer to mine, "I'll do anything to keep you."

"I feel like I'm some type of possession."

"Amost," his smile almost angelic, "I'll hold you all my life and I won't share you because I'm a greedy bastard."

"Way to win my heart Gerard," I raised an eyebrow at his word choice.

"Can I have a trial period at least? Can we try it out just for a little? What's the worst, really."

Once again we were centimeters apart, but I couldn't take it anymore. He wanted a trial period? Fine, he got it. He deserves me anyways, well... I don't feel I deserve him though. I pushed myself closer and kissed those addictive lips that spoke words of romance and wisdom. He pulled me closer, even though it was impossible. My hands came into contact with his chilled cheeks. Our quickened breaths warmed us up. He pulled away, once again...
He looked into my eyes, glancing into each thoroughly.

"I love you Ellie."

My heart froze with the chilly air.