The Letters of an Autophobic
chapter 3: hope, dangles on a string
Nathan had found me and put me in our car. We drove off to our grandma's house which was in Brooklyn. He threw me an ice pack and and went up to our room. I limped up the stairs and into the bathroom. I curled up next to the toilet and Nate came in with some new clothes. He turned the water on for me, patted me on the head, and left the room.
The water....
It calmed my stomach as the shower head sprinkled water on the tiled floor of the shower stall. The sound eased the pains I felt and I soon stood up long enough to take off my clothes and slump in the shower. The spray massaged the forming bruises and eroded all the dirt off my body. And for that one moment...
I felt relaxed.
No one judge me, no one hurt me; no one was there. Me and the water were having our own moment of peace. That was until Grandma started knocking on the door.
"Ellie? Are you done? I hafta use the toilet," she moaned from the other side.
I gave myself a pathetic smile, "Yeah Grams, almost done."
I washed my hair quickly and gave myself a quick soap scrubbing. I turned off the water, threw a towel on, grabbed my clothes and walked out of there and into the bedroom. Nate turned his head to the door and saw me, rolled his eyes at me, and started on his homework again.
"She kick you out again?" he asked, not the slightest bit suprised.
"Yeah," I sighed, "I hope she can make it till after we graduate."
"Heh," Nate snorted, "hope. what good is that to this family?"
He was trying to joke with me, but I thought about it. We always had hope, but we had no luck. That's how we lost dad to coma. Mom went psychotic and committed suicide. Grandma was diagnosed with being old and senile. I changed quickly and headed onto the computer. I logged onto my favorite site, monstersforum. org. I recieved one message and looked at it. I was confused as to who sent it, till I remembered it was one of my all time favorite artist on the board.
Thank you for your comment. I appreciate it a lot. While I was going to message you, I looked at your writing. I'm a writer myself and I'm interested in your works. Another thing I read were your journal entries. Look kid, don't get sucked into wanting to be one of those kids who has to be loved by someone...
I kept reading about how wrong it is to feel like that. He gave me advice and told me his story about how he use to be like that till it finally grasped his mind that he would be alone, but that never meant forever.
you'll find friends and they'll stick by you. If you don't have any, I'll be here; just in case you need someone to talk to. Because once you go in, you get sucked in to find no way out. You have to keep going and going until you notice too late that it was a mistake. Don't be someone who you're not to have people around you. Be yourself because your mind is more beautiful than what you wear or what others think.
I think I just blushed.
Someone whose never even seen me called me beautiful.
Me..... the kid whose always lying on the street after being called names.. has been called beautiful. The moment soaked in me and I felt that same feeling of relaxation fill me up. I sighed as I signed off the computer and laid on my bed, smiling.
Beautiful....
The water....
It calmed my stomach as the shower head sprinkled water on the tiled floor of the shower stall. The sound eased the pains I felt and I soon stood up long enough to take off my clothes and slump in the shower. The spray massaged the forming bruises and eroded all the dirt off my body. And for that one moment...
I felt relaxed.
No one judge me, no one hurt me; no one was there. Me and the water were having our own moment of peace. That was until Grandma started knocking on the door.
"Ellie? Are you done? I hafta use the toilet," she moaned from the other side.
I gave myself a pathetic smile, "Yeah Grams, almost done."
I washed my hair quickly and gave myself a quick soap scrubbing. I turned off the water, threw a towel on, grabbed my clothes and walked out of there and into the bedroom. Nate turned his head to the door and saw me, rolled his eyes at me, and started on his homework again.
"She kick you out again?" he asked, not the slightest bit suprised.
"Yeah," I sighed, "I hope she can make it till after we graduate."
"Heh," Nate snorted, "hope. what good is that to this family?"
He was trying to joke with me, but I thought about it. We always had hope, but we had no luck. That's how we lost dad to coma. Mom went psychotic and committed suicide. Grandma was diagnosed with being old and senile. I changed quickly and headed onto the computer. I logged onto my favorite site, monstersforum. org. I recieved one message and looked at it. I was confused as to who sent it, till I remembered it was one of my all time favorite artist on the board.
Thank you for your comment. I appreciate it a lot. While I was going to message you, I looked at your writing. I'm a writer myself and I'm interested in your works. Another thing I read were your journal entries. Look kid, don't get sucked into wanting to be one of those kids who has to be loved by someone...
I kept reading about how wrong it is to feel like that. He gave me advice and told me his story about how he use to be like that till it finally grasped his mind that he would be alone, but that never meant forever.
you'll find friends and they'll stick by you. If you don't have any, I'll be here; just in case you need someone to talk to. Because once you go in, you get sucked in to find no way out. You have to keep going and going until you notice too late that it was a mistake. Don't be someone who you're not to have people around you. Be yourself because your mind is more beautiful than what you wear or what others think.
I think I just blushed.
Someone whose never even seen me called me beautiful.
Me..... the kid whose always lying on the street after being called names.. has been called beautiful. The moment soaked in me and I felt that same feeling of relaxation fill me up. I sighed as I signed off the computer and laid on my bed, smiling.
Beautiful....