The Letters of an Autophobic
chapter 4: time seems to pass us by
College is a bit easier than high school. The people around me were simular in ways since all were there for some type of degree in Fine Arts. Art History finished with a chapter's worth of homework, but I really didn't care for it. I passed by one of Mikey's friends... Ray Toro, I think. I saw him and nodded. He waved at me and walked passed me. We've hung out a few times, were in a band, but then we decided that it wasn't going anywhere. I went through with my art profession, so did he. Mikey was finishing up high school, and that was that.
I jogged slightly up the stairs and unlocked my dorm room. My party-goer of a dorm buddy had left me a beer. I guess it was his peace offering. Hell, I'm 19, I can handle a beer. I popped the bottle cap, took a sip, and smiled at the taste. It was a bit sour, but it was sweet at the same time. I took another swig and put it down to get online. That girl Ellie, she sent me a thank you letter and her screenname for her aol instant messanger. While I waited for the america online thing to load, I drank some more beer, and started writing on the worksheet for homework. A few minutes passed by the time it uploaded. I added her into my addresses and clicked her name. It was around 5:45 and I was hoping she didn't live in a time-zone where it would be 1 in the morning.
I sent her a invitation. It took a few minutes, but she responded. It was pretty quick since we only wanted to get to know each other a bit. She was younger than me, finishing up her junior year, had a twin brother, and loved writing as much as I did. I told her about me finishing up my first year of college, about my brother Mikey, and my slow process of my art career. We talked about music, the site, some sci-fi stories we'd be interested in. I caught on quickly at how cautious she was. That's important for a girl her age and I respected it. I told her my name and found out Ellie was really her's. She had to leave because her grandma was done making food.... wait.
"You live with your grandmother?" I typed questionably.
"Yeah, my parents are dead. Typical for my sob story I guess." she sent back.
I hesitated for a second. It would explain her reaching out for attention. I had my family still so it was easier for me.
"Have you talked to your brother about your problem?"
"NO," she typed quickly, "In Brooklyn, we've got our own problems to worry about. I love him to death, but he doesn't need to know."
"Brooklyn?!" I typed back.
"Shit," she wrote.
"No, I'm not gonna stalk you. Relax." I typed to her, rolling my eyes.
"It's a precaution. I get paranoid a lot."
"It's a side-effect of your autophobia."
"How do you know?"
"It has almost the same side-effects of depression. I was in a form a depression, still am actually."
"Why though? Your life seems well off..."
"The kids at my high school judged me and left me broken and revengeful."
"Isn't that what your teaching me not to feel? Not letting them get to me?"
"Yeah, I don't want you to repeat my mistake."
"I just felt really lonely...." she admitted.
"Look, I live in New York City. I'm really not that far away."
"How can I trust you?"
"lol," I typed, softly chuckling, "Your brother can kick my ass if anything does go wrong."
".........."
I waited and then wrote after 4 minutes, "I'll only give you my phone number to my dorm. You can call whenever. We don't have to meet. I'm not that social anyways."
"I guess...."
I gave her my number and then wrote a note to my roommate to save any messages from her. She said good bye and left for dinner. I polished off my beer and went to the fridge to get another. Stupid Art History... ruining a perfect weekend.
I jogged slightly up the stairs and unlocked my dorm room. My party-goer of a dorm buddy had left me a beer. I guess it was his peace offering. Hell, I'm 19, I can handle a beer. I popped the bottle cap, took a sip, and smiled at the taste. It was a bit sour, but it was sweet at the same time. I took another swig and put it down to get online. That girl Ellie, she sent me a thank you letter and her screenname for her aol instant messanger. While I waited for the america online thing to load, I drank some more beer, and started writing on the worksheet for homework. A few minutes passed by the time it uploaded. I added her into my addresses and clicked her name. It was around 5:45 and I was hoping she didn't live in a time-zone where it would be 1 in the morning.
I sent her a invitation. It took a few minutes, but she responded. It was pretty quick since we only wanted to get to know each other a bit. She was younger than me, finishing up her junior year, had a twin brother, and loved writing as much as I did. I told her about me finishing up my first year of college, about my brother Mikey, and my slow process of my art career. We talked about music, the site, some sci-fi stories we'd be interested in. I caught on quickly at how cautious she was. That's important for a girl her age and I respected it. I told her my name and found out Ellie was really her's. She had to leave because her grandma was done making food.... wait.
"You live with your grandmother?" I typed questionably.
"Yeah, my parents are dead. Typical for my sob story I guess." she sent back.
I hesitated for a second. It would explain her reaching out for attention. I had my family still so it was easier for me.
"Have you talked to your brother about your problem?"
"NO," she typed quickly, "In Brooklyn, we've got our own problems to worry about. I love him to death, but he doesn't need to know."
"Brooklyn?!" I typed back.
"Shit," she wrote.
"No, I'm not gonna stalk you. Relax." I typed to her, rolling my eyes.
"It's a precaution. I get paranoid a lot."
"It's a side-effect of your autophobia."
"How do you know?"
"It has almost the same side-effects of depression. I was in a form a depression, still am actually."
"Why though? Your life seems well off..."
"The kids at my high school judged me and left me broken and revengeful."
"Isn't that what your teaching me not to feel? Not letting them get to me?"
"Yeah, I don't want you to repeat my mistake."
"I just felt really lonely...." she admitted.
"Look, I live in New York City. I'm really not that far away."
"How can I trust you?"
"lol," I typed, softly chuckling, "Your brother can kick my ass if anything does go wrong."
".........."
I waited and then wrote after 4 minutes, "I'll only give you my phone number to my dorm. You can call whenever. We don't have to meet. I'm not that social anyways."
"I guess...."
I gave her my number and then wrote a note to my roommate to save any messages from her. She said good bye and left for dinner. I polished off my beer and went to the fridge to get another. Stupid Art History... ruining a perfect weekend.