Never Cover up What We Did With a Dress

I sat in the bay window of my apartment, Lily was awake, lying quietly in my arms. I took in her every detail, right from her tiny button nose to her beautiful soft pink lips, to her big, shiny brown eyes. She had Manson's eyes. I picked at a stray thread from her white woolen bonnet and smiled. She looked so adorable in this little pink jumpsuit Manson bought for her. His mother had knitted Lily the little hat and sent it to us the minute she found out about Lily's birth. The rain coated the windows tragically, and I pulled at my white jumper, liking the way it contrasted against my black, very skinny jeans. I watched as Manson pulled out of the under ground driveway, and immediately I began to miss him. Lily started to become restless, so I walked slowly into her light pink and white room and placed her little body in her crib. She looked so peaceful when she was sleeping.

Manson drove down to Chatsworth on his own a week after the birth of Lily, our daughter. I had asked if he wanted his family to join him, but he dismissed the idea. He was going to call me when he got there.

Dita had called an array of times while he and Tony were up here in San Francisco, and every time he'd explain to her that there was something important up here, and that he'd explain when he got home.

The plan was for him to drive back to Chatsworth, explain everything to Dita, pack his things, and drive back to San Francisco to stay with Lily and I. We were even going to buy our own apartment just off Haight Street, and I couldn't wait, although part of me was slightly doubting my fairy tale romance. It seemed too good to be true, and I suspected there was to be a catch.

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Marilyn Manson.

I stared blankly out of the windscreen, cursing myself for not being truthful to Chesney as teenagers. All this would have been avoided if I had. The sound of "The Blood Brothers played through the car, and I closed my eyes for a bit longer than a standard blink.

I wanted to be with Chesney and Lily, right?

Of course I did, this was just my stupid mind fucking with me because I am trying to back out like s selfish, spineless ass hole.

I pulled over at Pismo Beach because I was about to fall asleep at the wheel.

The next morning I continued to follow the 101, eventually passing through Santa Barbara, and next thing I knew I was gliding along the 101 to Thousand Oaks, where I pulled off and drove up into my home in Chatsworth. I cringed as I saw Dita's cute pink Prius in our driveway. My car came close to the back of hers, and with a shaky breath I got out of the car and made my way inside.

She startled me when I quietly opened the door.

I was expecting her to be asleep, but she must have heard my car and was waiting for me by the front door. Her face wasn't happy, but it wasn't angry or sad. It was worried, pained, fearful. I think she sensed what I was about to do.

"Were you with... Her?" Dita choked out, tears obviously welling in her eyes. "And don't tell me some bull shit story, either. I want the truth."

"Yes, I was." I replied honestly.

"The girl from the magazine?"

"Chesney, yes."

"Right." Dita's face fell and she looked as though she had aged by a decade. Guilt started to ripple through me, but I had to tell her and get this over with. Just as I opened my mouth to start my explanation, Dita asked sadly, "do you love her, Manson?"

That startled me. I wasn't expecting such a pointed question. But again, I answered truthfully.

"Yes, I really do."

"So what's going to happen now? Are you going to leave? Are we going to work through this?"

"What is there to work through? I think we should end this, Dita, now, before either of us get more upset. I am so sorry."

"You can't leave me, Manson!" She screamed. Tears spilled down her cheeks.

"I have to, Dita... Chesney needs me..."

"And I need you! Why does she need you more than I do?"

"She... Chesney just gave birth to my child, Lily, last week..." I stopped for a moment, watching Dita as she fell onto the stairs, her head in her hands. "... and I can't leave Lily now. I can't ever leave her. So I am sorry, but I think I should leave you alone now."

"No, no, no!" Dita cried, running in front of me to block my way. "You're not going anywhere! You can't do this to me, not now!"

"Why not now? What have you possibly got now that would have made a difference a year ago?"

"Apart from the fact that I love you so much more than I did this time last year, Manson..." her voice trailed off and she swallowed, hard. It came to my attention there was something she wasn't telling me. I stopped and turned toward her, my face unfriendly and annoyed that she was making this more difficult that it really had to be.

"What is it, Dita?"

"I... I'm pregnant, Manson."