Never Cover up What We Did With a Dress

I was fine.

I knew I was fine.

It was only a few painful spots here and there, and I was dying to see Manson.

Demi dropped me off at my apartment and Tony came in with me to help me bring my things down. Demi was waiting out the front. I ran into my room and fixed myself up, bought a spare change of clothes, and then got Lily's things sorted.

The drive to Santa Clara was painful, I sat in the back with Lily, staring at her as she slept, counting down the seconds until I could see him again.

As we passed through Sunnyvale, Tony got a call from Santa Clara hospital, saying Manson was awake but very distressed by a visitor. Tony didn't tell me the details, but I had a fair hunch who the "visitor" would have been. Tony and Demi exchanged worried looks until we reached the hospital.

I unstrapped Lily, barely able to contain my excitement, knowing I'd see Manson, that I'd be able to hold him and touch him and talk to him. I rested Lily on my hip and her head laid softly on my chest as she continued to sleep. I knew Manson would love to see her.

Manson was still in intensive care, but considering we were all "family", we were allowed to visit him as he was awake. When we made our way down to the ward, a nurse confronted us.

"Look," she said sadly, "I'm not going to lie to you. Mr Manson is very... beaten. He doesn't look too appealing at the moment. I'm just saying that he is extremely unstable, and that you should be quiet and careful around him. Now, only two of you can go in at a time, so I suggest you start visiting quickly. You can't stay with him for long."

I swallowed back the lump that was forming in my throat and found my voice again, just as the nurse was leaving.

"Umm, excuse me," I said softly, coughing to cover my cracking voice, "when can he go home?"

"Not for at least two weeks dear." She said nicely. "We still have a lot of tests to do on him. And he's had surgery, he may need another operation, we're not sure. But if all goes well he should be out in about a fortnight."

She turned away with a comforting smile and began to leave, walking down the bleached corridor. I shuddered at the sight, the smell.

"Chesney, do you want to go in with Lily first?" Tony asked.

"Yes, please." I said, holding Lily tighter and opening the door. I braced myself for the worst.

Manson was in the room alone. He was lying on the bed, deadly still. Tears pricked in my eyes as I saw him in that state. I knew he was in a lot of pain. I stood at the now closed door, unable to walk any closer.

"Chesney..." he whispered, "come here."

I did as he said, taking a breath and acting stronger than I felt. His eyes lit up significantly as he saw him daughter, and he smiled at me.

"She missed you," I said, referring to Lily. "And so did I."

"I missed her, too, you have no idea. Please never let me leave you or her for that long again, Ches, please." His voice was strained, and I realised how hard it must have been for him to be able to talk with me.

"I won't." I promised.

It was silent for a while, and I sat down on the bed next to him, being cautious of his aching body, listening as the machines beeped in a steady pattern. The beeping started to soothe me as I waited for Manson to say something.

"It's not mine, did Tony tell you?" Manson asked.

"I know, and yes, he did."

"That means... that means I can live with you now. In our apartment... with Lily..." his voice trailed off and the monitors started beeping quicker. I started to get a little flustered.

"Are you alright?" I asked worriedly, "they're not meant to be beeping that quickly."

"No, I'm okay." He said, "can I hold her?"

"Lily?" I questioned. "How can you possibly? You can't move your arms."

"But you could sit her on my lap, and support her."

"Okay." I said, moving my baby onto his lap and holding her back. She fell against Manson's raising stomach, staying asleep. His smile made the whole room turn sunny even though it was night time. I realised how much he needed Lily, how much he missed her.

"I promise, Ches," Manson said, looking down intently at Lily, "from now on, you two are the only things that come first for me. I can't wait to live with you in San Francisco."

I smiled, unable to hide my growing happiness. But it was short lived.

"What about the band?" I asked.

"We can still practice," Manson replied. "I mean Tony lives up here with Demi now anyway. And it's not that far to drive, let alone fly. And anyway that doesn't matter right now, because I have a lot of catching up to do with you and Lily."

"I don't want to ruin your life," I muttered.

"Why is that always an issue for you?"

"Because, Manson, I don't want us to be one of those couples who get married and who give up their dreams to look after their family, and then when their children are old enough to go out alone and leave us, we sit there blaming each other for not doing what we wanted. I'm not going to let you put the band behind me and Lily. I want you to do this on your own accord."

"It is on my own accord," Manson said, "can't you see, Chesney? All I care about is you, and nothing will change that now. I've wasted too much time avoiding what I really want, and it's clear to me now that all I want is you."

I smiled widely, my heart doing flips inside my chest. Lily started to stir but she didn't wake up. Everything was finally looking up.

"I love you Chesney." Manson said, clarifying what he just said.

Our eyes met and I felt him move toward me slightly with out causing himself any pain. I reached over the bed, kissing his lips softly. I could feel him smile against mine, and for once it felt right.

For once everything was looking up, and I had faith in it.