Never Cover up What We Did With a Dress

The next morning I woke up, attempting to sit up but falling straight back down onto the pillow as my head pounded with a vile headache. I squinted my eyes shut, tightly, as I tried to ignore the sun that was pouring in through the window. I swivelled around to see if Manson was next to me and realised that he wasn’t there. I heard Lily shrieking with laughter from the room behind mine, and quietly I clime out of bed and into her room, making myself invisible.

The sight I was met with almost made me cry with happiness. There was a tray of breakfast and orange juice resting on Lily’s bay window seat, obviously for me. Manson was standing over her crib, leaning down to her as she stood, grasping the wooden bars in her tiny hands, shrieking at him as he played with her, making her smile.

“Good morning.” I said from the door, and watched as Manson picked Lily up and came toward me.

“Good morning.” He laughed. “How are you feeling this morning?”

I detected the amused hint in his voice, and playfully I hit him on the arm.

“I’m feeling fine.” I said matter-of-factly. “Is Demi awake yet?”

“No, she’s out cold.”

I smiled as I opened my arms out and wrapped them around Manson and Lily, kissing both of them on the cheek as I slid Lily out of Manson’s arms and held her in mine.

“Is that for me?” I asked, gesturing with my face to the tray on the seat.
Manson blushed slightly as he smiled and nodded. “I was going to bring it into you once I checked on Lily… but I sort of got side tracked when she started smiling at me.”

“That’s okay.” I kissed him. “Thank you.”

I made my way out of Lily’s room and into the lounge room, watching Demi as she snored softly from the couch. Her face was still drained, and her make-up was lingering unattractively in tracks all over her face. I sighed, knowing that Manson and I had to do something to fix everything up.

“Manson?” I asked, “before Demi wakes up, can you call Tony and arrange some sort of lunch date?”

“Why?” He asked. “Shouldn’t we be here to look after her?”

“I meant for her.” I whispered as she began to stir. “And Tony. Invite him.”

Manson’s face cast over with understanding, and he swallowed hard, doubt growing, and steadily lingering in his eyes. Suddenly I realised he wasn’t as on board with my plan as I hoped he would be.

“Ches… I’m not too sure about that. What Tony did was really wrong to Demi… he knows that… Getting them together the next day? I don’t think that’s the best idea at the moment.”

“Well what else are we meant to do? I don’t want her on my couch and crying for the next three months. She needs to be with Tony. She loves him, Manson. Please, we have to do something.”

“You’re still blaming yourself.” He said, and it wasn’t in a questioning way, it was as if he were stating the painfully obvious, and he looked relatively annoyed.

“I’m not still blaming myself!” I cried. “It’s his fault, I know that. He didn’t tell her. Just because I exposed his dirty little secret does not make this my problem, I know that. Can you please just do what I asked you to?”

“No, Chesney, I won’t.”

“But why not? You’re just stopping what’s going to happen eventually. This whole situation is just so over exaggerated it’s close to pathetic.”

Manson’s face began to set in almost anger, his eyes clouding over and his mouth set in a tight, unmoving line. I swallowed back, still determined to make my point clear.

“It’s no where near pathetic Chesney. They love each other, yes, and that’s why they’re apart right now. They are just going through a rough patch, it will blow over eventually but we need to stop intervening. They need time apart. Please don’t call Tony and force them together, it will only end in trouble.”

I listened to what he said, and I contemplated the truth in it. I guess I did still blame myself, and I was trying so hard to try and get Demi back with Tony. It was my fault they weren’t together anymore in the first place, it only makes sense that I am the one that gets them together again.

“How can it end in trouble when it’s what they want?”

“Chesney, please.”

I knew Manson wasn’t going to change his mind, and I didn’t want us to fight as well, so instead I took Lily from his arms and angrily walked back into our bedroom. The slamming of my door echoed around my head, repeating my already searing headache. Lily began to cry, and I sunk onto the bed, my eyes closed in frustration and sadness as tears began to slip from my eyes too. I tried to jiggle Lily in an effort to stop her crying but she just kept screaming. My tears sped up. Why did I have to mention all of this to Demi? Why would I even have thought to bring it up? Just seeing her this upset made me upset.

“Ches.” I heard Manson on the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”

I didn’t reply because I didn’t have the energy. I wanted him in here next to me, holding me, comforting me. Lily continued to scream and I continued to cry, neither of us realising the bedroom door opening in front of us. My eyes remained closed and my tears continued to leak. I barely even registered the screams subsiding and the now empty weight in my arms.

“Ches what’s wrong?”

I remained seated on the bed, my eyes close, my mouth unopened.

“Chesney.”

Lily had began to grizzle only, and I opened my eyes slowly to see Manson kneeling on the floor in front of me, Lily tightly tucked into his chest for comfort.

“I do still blame what happened on myself, you’re right.” I sniffed. “How could I not? Look at what I’ve done.”

Manson sighed and swivelled around so that he was sitting next to me on the bed. Slowly he reached his hand to my face and turned me toward him. Lily was silent as she began to drift off into a shallow sleep.

“You didn’t do anything Chesney.” He said softly. “It’s all Tony’s fault.”

“I am still somewhat to blame.”

“How are you though? You had no idea she didn’t know.”

“I know.”

“So what are you blaming yourself for? You have to stop. This whole situation hardly has anything to do with you. I don’t understand why you’re crying.”

I looked up at him though my tears and swallowed back a fresh round of sobs. I knew crying was pointless, and yet I felt it was all I could do. I felt so helpless and still so guilty. I knew there was no point in telling Manson that I felt guilty again.

“I just feel like… it’s not fair for her you know? For once she’s finally happy, and I go and say something and now she’s sadder and more depressed than I have ever seen her before. I feel like this is all I can do.”

Manson was quiet, and so was I. Instead we used Lily as an intervention in our silence, staring at her as she peacefully slept against his chest. I could feel Manson’s eyes wonder from Lily to me, but I ignored him.

“You don’t have to do anything except be her friend, Chesney.”

“I know but I feel like I should be doing more.”

“Well stop it, because in the long run you’re just making it harder for everyone, especially her.”

I stared up at Manson for the second time, consumed by love for him and his skills at making me feel so much better. I knew that crying about someone else’s heartache would make everything worse for everyone, and he had said it in a way that made me wake up and realise what I was doing. I was being selfish, and more so I was being immature and irrational. I groaned and rolled back against the mattress, exhaling loudly when my head hit the pillow.

“How’s your head?” Manson asked, sitting beside me.

“Throbbing.”

His gravely laugh filled the room and echoed around me. I smiled, feeling the dried tear tracks crack against my skin.

“It’s not funny.” I groaned. “I’m in so much pain.”

Again he laughed, this time wrapping his arms around me after securing a dozing Lily in between two pillows.

“I love you, you know.” Manson whispered in my ear. “I don’t know what I’d do with out you or Lily.”

I smiled.

“Same.” I turned around and kissed him on the lips. “I don’t know what I’d do with out you, either.”