Never Cover up What We Did With a Dress

Five Minutes.
I sat nervously in the bathroom, the tiles coldly pressing against my skin. The test was on the counter above me.

Four Minutes.
Nerves rose in my stomach even more as another minute ticked past. Lily crawled into the bathroom. I clapped my hands and called her toward me, and she stood, walking very carefully to where I sat. I held her in my arms and pressed her back against my body as she sat between my legs.

Three Minutes.
Lily struggled to get free and I let her. The nerves became too much and I leaned over to the toilet, throwing up for the second time that morning.

Two Minutes.
I had no idea what to say to Manson. All I had said to him that would possibly give him a hint was that I had been feeling sick. I was petrified he’d get angry for missing yet another pregnancy of one of our children. He was upset enough about missing Lily’s first proper walk. I reminded myself I didn’t know if I was pregnant or not.

One Minute.
Lily walked back over to me. I held her again.

“What am I going to do baby?” I asked her, kissing her forehead. She faced me.

“Mumma.” She said. She smiled widely. I leaned forward and kissed her nose.

“… Loves you.” I finished.

“Love!” She said.

I looked at her in astonishment. She had started to talk, and yet this word was clearer and more pronounced than any of the other ones she just started to say. I giggled and held her close to me again.

Two more minutes had passed, meaning the tests were now ready for inspection. I had done two just to make sure. I picked Lily up and held her on my hip as I got to my feet.

“Let’s see if you’ll have any brothers or sisters, Lily.” I said to her. It was so soft I doubt she heard it.

Tears lodged in my throat as I looked at the bench. Positive. They were both positive.

What was I going to do?

“I’m fine.” I said softly into the phone.

Manson’s irritated voice replied. “You’re not. I know you’re not. What’s wrong?”

“I… I… nothing. Honestly it’s fine.”

“Chesney you’ve been saying this for the past hour. I don’t want to sound like a dick but I am so tired, and I need to sleep. So please tell me.”

“Go to bed then.” I said.

“I can’t. I know something’s wrong with you and I won’t be able to sleep until I know.”

“Manson, please.” I sighed. I was so close to telling him, and my tears were about to fall. I didn’t know if I should tell him or not.

“Chesney. Tell me.”

I sighed again. I decided I wouldn’t tell him. Not yet. “I’ve just been sick.”

“I know that. Are you not better yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“Are you coping? With Lily… and everything?”

“I told you, I’m fine. Just tired.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! I’m sure, okay?” I laughed a little so he’d believe me.

“How’s Lily?”

“She’s fine. We both miss you.”

“I miss you both as well.” He said.

There was a short pause, and I dreaded the silence. I felt so guilty. I just didn’t want to tell him yet in case it put him off.

“I think we’re both really tired.” I said, “I’m going to sleep. I love you.”

“Okay, I love you too. See you in three weeks, okay?”

“Okay. Bye.”

The phone clicked off and I let the tears fall. I didn’t even know why I was crying. I was tired, and I missed Manson, and I was pregnant and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I felt terrible about hiding this from him. It shouldn’t have been like this. I felt as though he should be here, and both of us should have been happily celebrating the situation. But it wasn’t like that. Manson wasn’t here. And it was killing me.

Two days later I was sitting in the doctor’s clinic, my hands wringing nervously. I wasn’t sure quite what to do. Lily was sitting patiently on my lap, which surprised me as she was always wanting to walk around now.

“Miss Martin?” The receptionist called. I looked up and saw her looking around the room. Quickly I stood and picked Lily up, walking toward her.

“Yes?”

“This way, please.” She smiled reassuringly, guiding me down a hallway and into a consultation room. I was met with a doctor. I stepped inside the room, the receptionist disappeared and the door was closed behind me.

“Please, take a seat.” The doctor told me. I sat down. She looked at Lily and smiled. “How old?” She asked.

“Eleven months.”

“Adorable. What’s her name?”

“Lily.”

“What a beautiful name.” I smiled. She turned to the computer and got my file open. Then she turned to me and sighed. “So, what seems to be the problem then, Chesney?”

I cleared my throat. “Well umm… I seem to be pregnant.”

She smiled again. “Okay, and what makes you think that?”

“I’m now four weeks late. I’ve been sick a lot. Tired. And I took two tests yesterday.”

“Mmmm. Okay. I take it they were positive?”

I nodded.

“Alright. Let’s get you up on the bed and I’ll take some blood just to be sure.”

I sat on the bed and looked away as the needle entered my skin. Out the corner of my eye I could see the red liquid being drawn from my veins. I tried not to pass out, or be sick.

“These will be ready in around three hours or so, if you want to wait around.” She washed her hands and put the tubes in a shoot in the wall. She typed some information on the computer and turned back to me. “Considering the positive tests and the symptoms, I’d say you’re pregnant. But you probably already knew that.” She said.

“Yes.” I laughed. She laughed too.

“Okay, well I’m going to refer you onto a specialist just to have some ultrasounds and tests and whatever they may suggest once the blood work comes back. Like I said it’ll be around three hours or so. Come back then or tomorrow.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“That’s perfectly alright.” She smiled. “Good bye Lily.”

Lily turned away from her and dug her face into my chest. I laughed.

“She’s shy.”

The doctor laughed back. “I’ll see you again soon. Good luck.”

I got up and walked out of the door, Lily on my hip as I exited the building.

When I arrived home I backed a bag and put Lily in her stroller. It was a nice day and I didn’t want to be inside. I put a little hat on Lily’s head and grabbed my keys and phone. Just as I was about to leave, the phone rang.

“Hello?” I asked.

The line I was met with was dead. I thought I could hear breathing but I wasn’t certain.

“Hello? Who is this?” I asked again.

No reply.

I hung up almost immediately and locked the door, practically running out of the apartment. I was kind of shaken up as I walked out onto the brisk, sunny street, pushing Lily along in front of me. I didn’t really know why I was so scared. It wasn’t as if anyone was threatening me, it was probably just a fault with the phone line or something. Still, I kept turning around frequently to see if any people or cars were following me.

Lily’s playful squeals and banter greeted my ears as I walked down the busy San Francisco street. I was heading to the park to give Lily a push on the swings. They were her favourite.

I entered the playground, walking toward the swings and unbuckling Lily from her pusher as I placed her on the baby swing. I clipped up the seat and began gently pushing her. Her innocently amused giggled filled my ears and I laughed along with her. I realised then how much I really did love her.

Snapping out of my daze, I noticed someone dressed all in black standing behind the fence at the top of the park. I had sunglasses on, so I wasn’t totally sure if they noticed I was watching them with intrigue.

What happened next frightened me beyond measure.

I looked down at Lily and saw she was still happily kicking around in her seat and laughing in rhythm with the movement of the swing.

When I looked up again at the person who was starting to worry me, I saw that they had pulled out a professional-private-eye-looking camera and were discreetly taking snapshots of me and Lily. It had to be of us, we were the only ones in this direction in the park. My breath lodged in my throat as I began to panic.

Who was this person? Why were they taking photos of us?

I acted as though I had never seen them, so as not to draw attention to myself. I stopped pushing Lily and leaned down over the swing, un-strapping her and kissing her nose as I put her back in the pram.

Carefully I walked back to the apartment, being sure to check if anyone was following us back there.

When I arrived home I locked all the doors and checked in every room for any intruders. There was nothing.

Twenty minutes later I was feeding Lily lunch and putting away the dishes when the phone rang again. Nerves and panic swept through me as I contemplated whether or not to answer.

I walked closer to the phone and stood there, trying to decide what to do.

Eventually I answered it, only to be greeted with what I had heard the first time.

I was more certain now.

All I could hear was very low breathing.

I didn’t say anything.

With out hesitation, I slammed the phone back down into the cradle and unplugged the line from the wall.