Never Cover up What We Did With a Dress

"I'm not going to try to make you come," Demi said softly, patting my head as I lay on the stiff hotel bed, tears spurting from my eyes. "But I think it would be a waste of time if you didn't."

I couldn't respond. She knew what had happened, there was no point in me explaining why I didn't want to see him. My body didn't even have enough energy to lift my arm up to wipe away the tears I was crying. My face remained facing the covered window, not looking at Demi, not on parade for anyone. I was grateful for the fact that I couldn't see myself, in any way, shape, or form. If I could, I probably wouldn't be on that bed, breathing. I continued to shut everything out, denying to myself what had happened.

"It would mean a lot to me if you came." Demi said pressingly.

Again silence errupted in the room. Not so much as a blink passed through me. A death like response posted from me. Demi took the point and pressed no further. She stood up from the bed, kissing me on the top of my head as if I were a child.

"Don't let him kill you away again," she said softly. "I'll leave you alone. If you decide to change your mind, here's your ticket."

I felt the ticket float down onto the mattress that I was lying on. I didn't turn to look at it. Instead my eyes shut and I closed everything out. I thought nothing. Blackness. My heart was ripping more and more the more time went past. I could never face another person ever again. I could never again face reality. I could never face a world outside this small, dark, dank, depressing excuse of a room. My eyes fluttered open, and I found myself thinking a thought, breaking the drought of severe nothing that had been repeated over and over for the past three hours. The plain, personality dull walls shone at me like the sun. Suddenly a surge of power hit me, and I stood, holding the ticket in my hand, the doorknob in the other.

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"The boy that you loved is now the man that you fear..."

Shivers shook down my spine. That song always made me feel isolated. I loved it in a sick way, because it made me feel so depressed and thought filled. It made me confront whatever I was trying to suppress. I stood back from the rest of the lively crowd that were swaying with the tones of the death reminding song. My eyes glossed over, both with tears and worship as I stared at Manson on the stage.

"There's no one left to, hear you scream... No one left for you."

The words rung repetitively over in my ears, echoing in my mind as I watched Manson leave the stage. The lights dimmed and the audience went crazy at the disappearance of their God. I cried. Silently, secretly. My body flung from side to side of the venue as loyal fans made their way out. I waited. Demi was no where in vision, and part of me knew she was backstage with Tony. I made my way out into the corridor, knowing full well I couldn't get backstage to see Manson. But I tried.

"I'm sorry Ma'am," the security guard cautioned, "I can't let you through back here."

"I know, I know. But trust me I'm not like everyone else. Manson would let me in. Can you call him or something and tell him Chesney Martin is here to see him..."

"... Ches! What are you doing here?" Manson's raspy, dense voice called at me from behind the guard, deep into the corridor.

"I... I'm sorry. But I had to see you again."

He ran toward me, and I ran to meet him also. We embraced in the corridor, and at that moment I had never depended on someone as much as I had him. I breathed in the pleasant smell of Absinthe, sweat and his skin that I loved so dearly. I needed him, and somehow I knew he felt the same. He never pulled away, just carried me into the room labelled "Mailyn Manson", laying me on the bed in the corner. From what I could see the room was empty.

"I'm so sorry Chesney," he muttered, "but you see why I have to let you go? This isn't fair for you or Dita. And I honestly do love you, with all my heart, but I also love Dita, and I'm married to her now. I can't just betray her like that. I care for her."

"I know, but you love me too, don't you?"

"Yes, of course I do. I'm in love with you. I love Dita. You both mean a lot to me. But Ches, I need you. I have to be with you. Maybe not now, but sometime..."

I silenced his ranting with a passionate kiss. I had always loved his kisses. My tongue ran seductively over his chrome teeth, and a moan escaped his throat as I massaged my tongue against his. My hands desperately wrapped around onto his shirt, and with extra force I pulled him down on top of me. My legs wrapped around his hips savagely. His hands pulled off my shirt. Not once did I break the kiss, and it continued to deepen, as did our aggression and longing. Eventually all his clothes were entwined with mine around the bed, and his body began to melt into mine until all I could hear was his breathing, panting in my ear.

"I'm sorry for everything." He said. I arched my back as he said the words, responding to him entering me.

"I know," I panted as he began to move in sync with me.

His chest lowered onto mine, and soon he collapsed on top of me, just as we both reached out climaxes. I could feel his heart beating just above mine. I wanted him even more. My hands ran through his hair as we continued to kiss. He slid out of me and rolled over to my left. He held me, and kissed my clavicle over and over, until I fell into a deep, happy sleep.

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The morning came quickly. I woke, feeling Manson's arms holding me passionately. I turned to face him, and watched as his eyes fluttered open, staring into mine.

"Did it really happen?" I whispered.

"Yeah, it really did." He replied.

His lips moved onto mine and again we kissed for what seemed like hours, our bodies pressed together, mixing sweat and love and emotion into one. He held my face in his arms and I did to him also. Eventually we stopped when we heard a pounding knock on the door.

"Manson!" Tony's voice called out, "wake up now! You've fucked up big time man. You've fucked it up!"

I sprang out of the bed, furiously ripping my clothes back on, and Manson did the same. I began smoothing out the sheets a bit to slightly disguise any evidence of what happened in them within the space of a few hours ago. I ran into the bathroom, lightly closing the door, and attempted to removed the smudged lipstick and to flatten my hair. Through the door I heard a paper slam onto some table, and Manson groan in regret.

"Fucking great, just fucking great." I heard him mutter in anger. Then his mobile rang, and he cursed, saying bitterly, "it's her."

"Which one?" Tony asked accusingly, "the childhood whore or the clingy wife figure?"

"Well it'd have to be the wife type, as the childhood whore is in my bathroom, you ass hole."

I opened the door just as Manson answered the ringing phone, and Tony approached me furiously, throwing a paper at my chest. I picked it up and gasped in absolute horror.

"No, Dita, it's not like that," I heard Manson reason on the phone. "Listen, I've known her since we were kids, actual kids. I didn't mention her to you because I was being a jack ass and cutting her out of my life. No Dita, no, that's not true. I don't regret marrying you. No! Just listen would you?"

Manson passed me and went into the bathroom, slamming the door after him. I was glad he did that, as I probably didn't want to hear what he was saying to her. The photo was staring at me from the page, waking me up like a slap. The headline was just as bad, like a punch in my stomach. I was getting beaten by a fucking article. Poor Manson, and poor Dita. I felt overwhelmingly rocked with guilt. It was my fault. I had broken a beautiful, trusting woman's heart and I felt disgusted. This wasn't me. I wasn't self fish. But when it came to Manson I couldn't help myself, I was in love. My body sunk onto the edge of the bed, the paper spread on the ground at Tony's feet.

"Where's Demi?" I managed to choke out.

"She's getting ready to leave, to see you at the hotel. But you're not there, obviously, so I'm going to get her now." Tony spat at me, looking down at the magazine and then at me, sauntering past out the door.

Manson appeared at the bathroom doorway. His eyes were closed and his forehead was knotted in a frown. His free hand held the top of his nose. My immediate instinct was to go to him, to touch him, to hold him. But I was smarter than that.

"I'm sorry, Chesney." Manson said, "I really am."

"It's time for me to go," I replied simply. "I've complicated your life, and I'm sorry. I feel like a horrible person, and that is not what I am. I've hurt a lot of people and now you're paying for my mistakes. Demi and I are leaving to go back home now. I'm sorry, Manson."

"It's not just your fault!" He cried, "it's mine, for fucks' sake! I put you on my bed, I had sex with you, I cheated on my wife. You lost nothing. All you have to deal with is self pity!"

"Manson, I don't want to fight. I'm going to leave before you say something you'll regret later."

"I love you Chesney." He called from the door frame. I turned to look at him before I exited his room.

"I really do." Tears escaped his eyes as he retreated back into the bathroom. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, leaving him at that moment.

It almost killed me more than realising we could never be together. Demi entered the room just as I was about to leave.

"We're going to go home now, Ches." She said softly. "I think it's for the best."

I wasn't listening to her though, I was looking at Tony. He was glaring at me. I suddenly felt as though I should apologise to him.

"Tony, I'm sorry I ruined everything. I know how hard you've worked to make Manson credible and respected in his own way, and I understand how much I've fucked everything up. But he and I love each other, and this weekend would have happened one day. I'm just glad it's over now. And for what it's worth, I really am sorry."

"It's alright." He said back. He engulfed me in a weak hug. "I can't blame you. Just... Be careful, okay?"

"Yeah," I said.

Demi wrapped herself in his arms and kissed his lips a few times before she guided me out the door. They smiled at each other.

"Oh, and Tony?" I called from the hallway, "look after him for me. Promise me that. Please look after him."

"I promise, Chesney. I will."

And with that lasting promise, I took Demi's hand, and together we left Manson and Tony behind, heading back to our lives as they were before my heart was broken, and I became someone I feared.