Mental Fiction Follows Me

Everyone's eyes were on me, and I felt my throat lock up. For the first time in a long time, I couldn't speak. Everyone was waiting for me to say something and let them know why they had been woken up, but I couldn't speak. There were so many waiting expectant eyes, all staring at me.

"It'll be okay, Syd. Everything will be okay," Lillian said quietly.

"Yeah, just do the damn thing," Sage said. I mentally nodded my head and licked my lips. My eyes connected with Jimmy's, and his eyes reminded me of the ocean on a calm day. I sucked in a deep breath and began talking.

"Mom called a few days ago because she got a letter in the mail. As it turns out, I was never actually discharged from the army. I still have a year of service left, and I have to leave here tomorrow in order to report on time and get ready," I said quietly. My eyes were still focused on Jimmy's, and I felt my muscles tighten as I looked at him. The blue of his eyes was changing, shifting. I had seen the calm before the storm earlier, and now I was looking at the storm. He was...mad.

"What the fuck?! You're not going! I don't care what those fuckers say, you're staying here!" Brian yelled. He was standing now, and I turned to see him glaring at me. Why didn't they understand? I had known that this was a possibility all along, even though I hoped it'd never come true.

"Bri, be reasonable about this. I signed the contract, and my time isn't up. It's just one little year," I said. I had already given a good ten years, one more wouldn't hurt.

"How can you say that, Syd?! Are you forgetting what happened the last time?!" Brian yelled. I felt my temper flare, but I held it in. He was upset, and that was all.

"No, I remember everything perfectly. But I am leaving tomorrow, and that's final," I said. Brian's eyes had turned nearly black and were boiling with anger, but I was confident that my pale browns were controlled.

"Don't be fucking stupid, Syd!" Brian yelled. Well, so much for staying calm and in control.

"I'm not fucking stupid, you insensitive jackass! I'm scared shitless of going, but I am going! I have a year left, and I'm going to finish it! Do you fucking understand me?!" I screamed back.

"No, I don't fucking understand you and I don't think I ever will!" Brian yelled. I sucked in a breath and continued to stare at him. So, he didn't understand me, huh? Fine.

"Fuck you," I mumbled and turned around. The door wasn't very far away, and I slammed it after my feet were on the pavement. How could he say that to me? He was my family, my best friend. He was supposed to support in every way, and he had just exploded on me. I just needed someone to be there for me. If Brian and I weren't talking, what was I going to do while I was back overseas?

"They're all going to turn on you..." a voice whispered in my head. It wasn't Sage or Lillian; it was a voice I had never heard before. I ignored it and continued walking.

"Syd! Wait up!" I turned to see Aiden jogging towards me, and I felt some of my anger slip away. She stopped after she reached me, and then she took a few slow deep breaths. I noticed a tree not too far away, and I pulled her over to. We sat down in the shade, and Aiden looked over at me with wide eyes.

"I'm going to be okay," I said, trying to reassure her.

"Are you sure? I know you're doing the right thing, but I have a really bad feeling about you going back," Aiden said.

"I've got a bad feeling about it too, but I have to go. I've heard about them doing this. They'll make soldiers go back, to keep from having to use the draft. I've been stop-lossed," I said. I felt tears sting my eyes, but I wasn't ready to cry. Not yet.

"Stop-lossed?" Aiden asked.

"It's a government thing. It gives them the legal power to hold onto soldiers, so to speak," I said.

"And that's what they did to you?"

"I tried to get out, but I guess it never got approved."

"When will you leave?"

"In a week, but I still have to report for duty. They're going to let me report in California, since that's what I put for my home address. I should already be there, but I couldn't leave yet," I said and looked down at my hands.

"Are you sure you're...okay?" Aiden asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, ignoring the voice from earlier. It was probably just my pissed off self-conscious.

"You know Brian didn't mean to yell at you like that." I looked over at Aiden for a brief second and then I looked back down at my hands.

"He's never been so mad at me before. He was really supportive when I first joined, and he was supportive again when I told him they were sending me to Iraq the first time. I don't get it. Why'd he freak out on me now?"

"Because I'm scared too." I craned my neck up to see Brian's silhouette, and Aiden took that as her cue to leave. I wish she had stayed though. Brian sat down across from me, so that our knees were almost touching. Brian's dark eyes were bloodshot and back to their usual chocolate color, which made me feel a little better.

"I'm so sorry, Syd. I didn't mean to yell at you, but it scared the shit out of me, and I don't want you to leave, and--" I placed one hand over his mouth, and I felt him smile against my palm. I removed my hand and Brian smiled at me.

"It's okay, you're forgiven, but..." I gave him one good hit on the arm, and Brian instantly started rubbing the spot. He was wearing a sleeveless shirt today, so I'm sure it hurt more than usual.

"We're even," Brian said and pointed at me. I nodded my head and smiled at him.

"There's no reason to be worried though, Bri. I'm going to finish my last year and come home for good," I said.

"What if something happens again? I know what you went through was worse than what anyone of us went through, but I can't stand that waiting again. Not knowing if you're dead or alive," Brian said.

"You underestimate me too much. Nothing's going to kill me, I'm going to live to be a hundred and three. Remember?" I asked. Brian smiled a little and nodded his head.

"Yeah, I remember. We were seven and you went around yelling that at the top of your lungs," Brian said.

"And I'm sticking to my word," I said.

"You're a very crazy lady, but I love you," Brian said.

"I love you too, Bri-Bri," I said and leaned over to hug him. Brian wrapped his arms around me and hugged me to him, and I knew that I'd miss him when I was gone.

"I'll write every day, almost."

"I know you will, Bri. Just like old times," I whispered back. Brian and I reluctantly pulled away, and we both looked ready to cry.

"I better get back before Zacky starts freaking out. You coming?" Brian asked.

"Not yet. Could you ask Jimmy to come out here?"

"Did you two...?"

"Yeah..." I said and I felt my cheeks grow warm. Brian let out a squeal, yes a squeal, and I almost fell over laughing. He gave me a light shove and then my side did hit the ground.

"Sorry, Bri!"

"No, you're not. But I'll send your lover to you anyway," he said with a wink before walking away. I twisted so that I was laying on my back, and I looked at the different patterns that fell on me from the sun shining through the leaves. I was still looking at the zig-zagged pattern on my hand when a shadow fell over me. Jimmy was standing by my head, and from the angle I couldn't tell if he was still mad or not.

"Hi, Jimmy," I said quietly. He moved beside and knelt down, and he didn't look as angry as he did earlier.

"Hey, Syd," he said quietly.

"I wanted to tell you, but the timing was never right. Then I wanted to tell you this morning, but you told me to tell everyone," I said quickly. Jimmy smiled at me and shook his head.

"I'm not mad. I was for a few seconds, but not at you. I wanted to run afer you, but Aiden said it was best if only one person ran after you," Jimmy said. He stretched out beside me and brushed some of my hair away from my eyes.

"So, you're not mad?"

"Nope," Jimmy said and shook his head again.

"So...would it be too much to ask for a kiss? To help my frazzled nerves, of course." Jimmy smiled, and I felt my heart rate increase slightly.

"To help your nerves, of course," Jimmy said. My eyes stayed connected with his as he leaned towards me, and then his lips gently touched mine. My eyes closed on their own, and Jimmy added a little more pressure to the kiss. My fingers curled into the fabric of the front of his tee shirt, and I pulled him towards me. Jimmy realized what I was doing, and he moved so that his body was between my legs.

"Jimmy, I..." I stopped talking as I realized what I was about to say, and Jimmy looked down at me with a confused expression.

"What? You can tell me anything, Syd," Jimmy said, his eyes locking with mine. I had already admitted something big today, so why not let one more out?

"I'm in love with you, Jimmy," I said quietly, my eyes never leaving his. Being with Jimmy made me feel different; it was something I had never felt but I still knew what it was. My stomach would have bats in it and my heart rate would increase, and then at times I was so completely relaxed with him that it was like we had known each other for years.

"Syd, I-I love you too." Jimmy's voice was quieter than mine had been, but I still smiled at hearing his words. Jimmy's lips met mine again, more forceful this time. I moved my hands from the front of his shirt to his hair, and I could feel Jimmy's long fingers on my bare ribs.

"Scream from the pleasure
Unmask your desire..."

"I'm going to kill him!" I mumbled under my breath as I dug around in my pocket. I pulled my phone out and looked at the Caller ID.

"Is this pay back for ruining yours and Zacky's sexy time?" I asked. My voice was slightly whiny, but I didn't care. I think I was pouting too.

"Definitely, and you still owe me a vacation," Brian said seriously.

"And I will deliver. Don't worry," I said.

"Now, all of the girls are coming to get you. You're going on one of those girl things, and the guys are going to stay here and get things ready for a party tonight, in your honor," Brian said.

"Are you coming with us?" I asked.

"Nope, Zacky is," Brian said.

"Okay, me and Jimmy will be decent, I promise," I said.

"But I don't wanna be decent!"

"Tell Jimmy he doesn't have a choice," Brian said. I looked over at Jimmy, who just rolled his eyes.

"I'll see yall when you get here. Bye!" I yelled and hung the phone up. I slipped it back into my pocket, and Jimmy groaned as he dropped his head into the crook of my neck. I played with the ends of his hair until I heard the girls, and Zacky, heading our way. This was going to be fun...