Mental Fiction Follows Me

Admit it! We’re going in circles!”

“We’re not going in circles!” I yelled.

”Quit making things worse!”

“Yeah, Sage. Listen to Lillian for once,” I mumbled. It’s been two days since I woke up and realized that I was alone in the desert. Two long days. By now I’ve stripped down to my once white tank top, and my pants are rolled up above my knees. My top shirt is tied around my head, but it’s not helping much. I’m almost out of water, and I don’t have any food.

“And they say they have Wal-Marts everywhere,” I mumbled as I continued to walk. Somewhere in the distance, I saw the outline of what looked like a small town. Towns here probably weren’t safe for a person like me, but I was willing to take that chance. My leg muscles groaned in protest as I picked up my pace, but I ignored the pain. I had to make it. Sand filled my boots and weighed me down, but I kept pushing on. Every time my eyes flickered closed, I could see Jimmy smiling down at me. His skin still slick with sweat; his beautiful lips swollen; his hair tossed around everywhere; his whispered ”I love you.” I had to make it.

Jimmy’s POV

”Jimmy.” I jumped up so fast I nearly fell out of my bed. The sheet was still wrapped around my hips, and the sweat from my body caused it to stick to my like glue. I rubbed my eyes with one hand and looked around the dark room. My dark room. My empty dark room. I fell back, and my head bounced slightly on the pillow. I stared up at the ceiling with a sigh and remembered what had happened just yesterday.

Brian had literally carried Syd’s mom back into the living room and laid her on the couch. The woman was deathly still, and Brian had to pry something out of her hands. He turned to look at me, and I knew what he had to say before he opened his mouth. I wanted to get up and run before he could say anything, but my body wouldn’t listen to me. Instead I sat there and listened. Syd was gone. She was gone and she was never coming back. Just like that, it was all over.

I came home later that night, and I haven’t left my bed since I got in it. I took a shower and skipped supper. I just went straight to sleep, where all I did was dream about Sydney. I dreamed that we got married on the beach, at sunset. Syd had told me once that she wanted to get married at sunset, because it just seemed so magical. Then she had called herself corny and started laughing uncontrollably.

In my dream, we had been smiling at each other. Her tanned tattooed arms stood out against her short white dress, and she had absently rubbed her still small stomach. We had never talked about kids, but I wanted them. It was funny because I had never thought of having kids before, but I wanted a family with a Syd. I wanted everything with her.

I wanted the magical wedding on the beach at sunset. I wanted to get up at odd hours of the night to check on our kids. I wanted the small arguments about nothing. I wanted the big house full of kids. I wanted stolen kisses after the kids were put to bed. I wanted to see her face as we met our first grandkid. I wanted to grow old with her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

Now she was gone, and she took the most important part of me with her.

Syd’s POV

I nodded my head at the old woman, and she smiled her toothless smile and nodded back. I had been wrong. There was no town; it was just a small house. It was actually closer to a hut, but who am I to judge? There was no one here but an old woman and a much younger girl, and so far they had both been friendly. The old woman had given me food and something to drink, and for that I would forever be grateful. I was done eating now, and I was dreading going back out there. I started to stand up, but the old woman placed a hand on my arm. I looked over at her, and she pointed at a small mat in the corner. I pointed at the mat and then at myself, and she nodded her head.

“Thank you,” I said and took both of her hands in my own. I knew she didn’t understand my words, but she understood their meaning. I walked over to the small mat and laid down. I was asleep in seconds.

~~~ | ~~~ | ~~~

I smiled at the old woman once again and thanked her, and then I turned to the young girl with the same smile. They both smiled back, and they each gave me a small wave as I tuned to leave. The old woman had pointed me in the direction of a town (I’m assuming that’s what she meant), and I’m guessing it’ll take a little while to get there since she rolled up the mat I had slept on and gave it to me. She had also given me plenty of food and water, but I knew I’d have to be careful with it.

”Well, that was fun.”

”I thought it was very nice of them.”

“Me too. I’d probably die soon if it weren’t for them.”

”Great. Now we get to survive a few more days in the blistering heat.”

”Hush up, Sage!”

“We’re going to make it through this, okay? This is not the end. I will make it back home.”

”Speaking of home, how do you think things are going there?”

“What are you talking about?”

”Think about it, Syd. Whoever came looking for yall found nothing, so I’m sure they assumed everyone was dead and that there were no survivors. Which means...”

“Which means they’ve informed the families. They all think I’m dead.” I suddenly stopped walking as this realization hit me, and I looked around. My chin length hair had escaped from its bun and now clung to the side of my face, which was already drenched in sweat.

”Don’t think about it too much, Sydney. Just think about when you’ll see them again.”

“When I’ll see them again,” I mumbled.

”We’re going to make it through this, Syd.”

“Thanks, Sage.” My legs started moving again, this time with a new determination. I was going to prove them all wrong. I wasn’t going to lay down and die. I promised that I’d come home, and I always keep my promises.

I closed my eyes again as I walked and thought about everyone at home. The tour would be over by now and everyone would be home. Well, Ryanne and her guys would be touring in Europe. That had been their plans. All of the Escape The Fate guys had been planning on going home to Vegas, and I’m sure the girls went with him. I missed the girls. Krys and her shyness. Tara and the way she reminded me of home. Tiana and her craziness. Deandra and our old arguments. As for my guys, they were probably in California now. Nikkita and Matt would be back at their home, enjoying being alone and not having to sneak onto the bus to have happy time. Aiden probably had all her stuff at Johnny’s by now. I wasn’t so sure if Brian and Zacky were going to move in together yet, but I’m sure it’s coming. And Jimmy...

”Oh, Jimmy, please don’t forget about me. I’m going to come home to you,” I thought as my heart ached.

Jimmy’s POV

“Hey, man,” Brian said as he opened the door. His eyes were a lot darker then usual, and they were red and puffy. I should have known he’d been upset, but it still surprised me to see him like that.

“Hey. Sorry it took me so long. I just got your message,” I said.

“It’s okay,” he said and led me into the house.

“Brian!” I heard Zacky call.

“Hold on,” Brian mumbled. Zacky came to Brian’s side and handed him a cup and the phone. Brian placed the phone between his ear and shoulder. He sipped at the drink, which smelled like coffee, and Zacky turned to look at me.

“How’s he been?” I asked. Three days had passed since we heard the news about Syd, and it was time to start planning her memorial.

“Not too good. He’s stayed strong for everyone, you know? He finally broke down after I got him home last night,” Zacky said. He let out a small breath and watched Brian’s retreating back.

“How’s everyone else?” I asked. The last time I had seen Syd’s mom, she had been crying hysterically and yelling about how Syd lied to her and now her baby was never coming home.

“They’re making it. What about you? How are you holding up?” Zacky asked and studied me. I had done nothing but sleep for the past three days. In my dreams, it was just me and Sydney and nothing could hurt us. Then I’d wake up to a cold reality and cry my brains out.

“I’m okay,” I said quietly. That was a lie, huge one, but it sounded better than the truth.

“Aiden and Johnny are in the living room. Matt and Nikki are supposed to be over in a few minutes. I’m going to check on Brian,” Zacky said and walked off. I slowly walked into the living room, and Aiden jumped up when she saw me. I felt her small arms wrap around me, and her head barely came to my chest as she continued to cry. I looked across the living room at Johnny, and he nodded his head slightly. He stood up and disappeared out of the room.

“I t-told...her-er that I-I had-d a b-bad feeling ‘bout her g-g-going back,” Aiden stuttered out. Her body convulsed with sobs as I wrapped my arms around her, and I didn’t know what to say at first. After a few minutes, I moved so that my cheek was resting against the top of her head.

“You know, Syd wouldn’t want us to cry like this. She’d want us to be happy and accept what’s happened,” I whispered. Aiden became still, but I knew she was still crying.

“I know, but it’s so hard,” Aiden whispered against my shirt.

“Everything gets easier in time,” I said. I didn’t believe that, not one bit. Time wouldn’t heal any of my wounds, because time wouldn’t bright Syd back.

“Baby?” Johnny walked to stand beside me, and he had something in his hands. He offered it to Aiden, who took it in her shaking fingers. She untangled herself from me and stepped beside Johnny. He instantly wrapped one arm around her waist, and she leaned against him.

“Jimmy?” I turned around to see Nikki and Matt, and I forced myself to give them a small smile. Nikki came forward first and wrapped her arms around me.

“It’s good to see you,” she whispered as she let me go. Matt stepped forward. I was expecting one of the usual guy-hugs, but he surprised me and gave me a real hug.

“I’m really sorry,” Matt said quietly. I felt tears rise in my eyes at his words, but I forced them back down.

“Me too,” I choked out. Matt released me and left one hand on my shoulder. His hazel eyes were a little bloodshot as he stared at me, and I felt tears well up in my eyes again. I heard Nikki talking softly, and then she was pulling Matt away. His spot was replaced by Brian, who looked the way I felt. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in the past two days, and his eyes were swollen and red.

“I miss her, Jimmy,” he said quietly. I knew how Brian was, so I knew he had been playing the strong one for the past few days. How long could he be that strong though?

“I know. I miss her too,” I said, just as quietly. Brian hung his head, and I watched as his hand rose to his mouth. Syd had the same habit. Without really thinking first, I wrapped my arms around Brian’s shoulders and pulled him closer to me. He didn’t move for a moment, and then he suddenly wrapped his arms so tight around me that I thought I was going to break in half. Then his head dropped to my shoulder and he started crying.

Ten minutes later, Brian and I were both cried out and sitting on the couch. Everyone else rejoined us, including Brian’s parents and Syd’s mom. Everyone sat down awkwardly, without talking. Finally, Brian cleared his throat and started to speak.

“They’re going to hold Syd’s memorial in a week. They’ll pay for everything, we just have to call and give them the details,” Brian said. Sally reached across the small space and grabbed Brian’s hand, the one that wasn’t clutching Zacky’s.

“Will you play for her?” she asked softly.

“Play for her?” Zacky asked and looked at Brian.

“Syd said she wanted Seize The Day played at her funeral, no matter how corny or cliché it was,” Brian said with a small smile.

“I wouldn’t mind playing it,” Matt said quickly.

“Me neither,” Johnny added.

“I’ll do whatever you want,” Zacky said, looking at Brian. Brian looked over at me, as if it was my decision.

“I want to,” I said quietly.

“Then we’ll play. One week from today, on the twelfth,” Brian said.