Mental Fiction Follows Me

Syd’s POV

One week. I’ve been walking in this sandbox for one week. I found the little village the old woman had been gesturing about. It was completely deserted, and some of the buildings had been burned down. It took me three days to find it, and I had restocked my food and water supply before continuing on. Now it’s been one week since this whole thing started, and I’m so tired. I just want to lay down and never get back up. But every time I close my eyes, I see the people that I love and remember why I’m trying so hard in the first place.

*** __ *** __ *** __

One week; one day. Nothing’s changed so far. A part of me believes that today is January tenth. For some reason, knowing the date makes me feel a little better. Not much better, but a little. The sun is still glaring above me, relentless. I only ate once yesterday. I’m scared to eat too much, because I don’t know when I’ll come across another village or person. I’m not going to stop though. I can’t...stop...

*** __ *** __ *** __

January eleventh. I’m walking at night now too. The sun might be gone, but that doesn’t mean anything. Not really. I’ll stop for a few hours so I can sleep, but it’s only to help my body. My mind goes numb when I sleep, so that I can’t think of anything. I think abut home when I’m awake, but I don’t even dare to dream while I’m asleep. I know that if I dream while I’m asleep, I’ll never want to wake up. I can’t do that. I have to keep going. I can’t slow down, not even for one small hour of dreaming. Dreaming while I’m awake is okay, because Sage and Lillian can call me back. But if I go to sleep, I’ll be lost...

*** __ *** __ *** __

January twelfth. I woke up a little bit before dawn with a gut-wrenching pain. It wasn’t hunger, because I was used to that by now. It wasn’t any of my usual pains. No, this was something completely different and new. A fresh pain. It felt as if someone with uneven dirty fingernails had their hand plunged deep in my stomach and were twisting my insides with everything they had. Their other hand was stuck between my ribs and digging its dirty fingernails deep into my heart. I had to stop walking a few times and put my hands on my knees. Which is what I’m doing now.

”Syd, it’s going to be okay,” Lillian whispered softly.

”Just walk it off! All those aches and pains fade in time,” Sage said. She was getting antsy and frustrated. Technically, she was tired with the whole song and dance. She wasn’t the only once.

“This is something...different. I’ve never felt like this before. It hurts so bad,” I whispered. The pain in my torso kept me from talking any louder.

”It’ll be okay, Syd. You just have to keep going.” I nodded my head, I was suddenly too weak to speak, and pulled myself into a standing position. I forced my feet to move forward, and for one brief moment, I wanted to lay down and never get back up. For some reason, it felt like all hope was lost, but I kept moving forward. I had to. I had to keep going.

Jimmy’s POV

“Zacky!” Ryanne yelled and fell into his arms. She was crying before she reached him, and Oli stood behind her awkwardly. Tiana was talking quietly with Patti, and Craig and Matt were exchanging a few silent words. Deandra and Max had found Aiden and Johnny, and they all had faint smiles on their faces and tears in their eyes. Tara and Robert were talking to Brian and his family. Krys and Monte were standing with Lee, Curtis, and the two Matts.

As for me, I was standing by myself. We were waiting right outside the local cemetery for a few soldiers, the ones who would perform Syd’s memorial service. Everyone was here to pay their last respects, and all of our instruments were already set up.

“Jimmy?” I turned around as I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I smiled down at Sally. Her eyes were the same pale brown as Syd’s, and her hair was almost the same shade too.

“Hi, Mrs. Sally,” I said quietly.

“Are you ready to go in?” I looked around and saw a few people in Army uniforms, and I felt my stomach roll.

“Yes, ma’am.” I offered my arm to her, and she smiled as she laced her arm through mine. She briefly touched her head to my shoulder as we passed through the cemetery gates, and I leaned my head against hers. There was a small tent-like thing set up to ward off the worst of the sun, and there were some chairs underneath it. I led Sally to the front, and we slowly took our seats. I was sitting on the outside, and Brian was on Sally’s other side. I watched as the soldiers walked around the headstone, which was covered with some kind of cloth, and faced us. Everyone else slowly sat down, and one man stepped forward.

“On behalf of the United States Army, we present to you this memorial in the memory of Sydney Haner,” he said and pulled the cloth off. Theheadstone memorial was a dark gray, and I was tearing up too bad to read what it said. All I could see Sydney’s name at the top.

From that point on, I was numb. I watched as the soldiers lined up and fired, and I felt Sally every time she jumped. Her hand tightened on my arm, but I didn’t mind. I watched as two soldiers folded an American flag, slowly and with precise movements. Then they handed it to the first man who had spoken, and he walked over to where we were. He knelt down in front of Sally and presented the flag to her. I saw his lips move, but I couldn’t hear the words.

Then, just like that, it was over. The soldiers gave a few sympathetic looks, and then they were gone. Everyone behind me stood up, and I could hear the muffled sounds of their words. I saw people walk in front of me and block my view of Syd’s memorial, but I didn’t tell anyone to move. The only person who stayed immobile like me was Sally. After a few minutes everyone was gone, except for me and Syd’s mother. I knew I needed to get up, because we had to play soon, but I couldn’t make myself move. Not yet.

“Jimmy, hun, can you hear me?” I turned towards her voice, and I felt the first tear as it tickled my cheek.

“She’s really gone, isn’t she?” I heard myself ask. Sally shook her head solemnly and glanced at her daughter’s memorial.

“I always knew Syd was special. She might have looked like me, but she was just like her father. So much like him. And I’m proud of her. Does that make any sense? That I’m proud of her?” Sally asked.

“Yes, I’m proud of her too,” I said quietly. It was true; I was very proud of Syd.

“Jimmy?”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“You would have made a wonderful son-in-law.” Sally gave me a small smile, and it was te same crooked smile as her daughter’s.

“Thank you.” I smiled back t her. The smile felt foreign on my face, but it felt good to really smile and mean it.

“Come on. I want to hear you play and make my Sydney proud,” Sally said and stood up. She tugged on my arm, and I pulled myself to my feet and followed after her. I’d play for Sydney, and I’d make her proud.