Mental Fiction Follows Me

Syd’s POV

January thirtieth. I’m amazed that I’m still alive, I won’t lie. It’s been nearly a month in this sandbox and somehow I’m still alive. About two weeks ago I came across a moving family, and they gave me some more food and water. I’ve made it last this long, but it won’t last much longer. You can only stretch something so long before it snaps. Speaking of snapping…

“He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man,” I sung as I continued to walk.

“I’ve always loved that line. It’s so true. There should be more beasts in the world.”

“The line is true, but the second part isn’t.”

“How so?” Sage and I asked together. Of course, I asked out loud and she was only in my head.

“There are too many beasts in the world who do things without feeling anything. There need to be more men in the world.”

“Bullshit.”

“I don’t know, Sage. I think she’s on to something.”

“And I think you’ve finally lost it.”

“To lose it, I’d have to have had it to begin with. Seriously though, she’s got a point. Look at all the murderers and serial killers we have out there. If there were more men and less beasts, then maybe the world would be a better place.”

“My point exactly.”

“Okay, I get what you’re saying. But the way I’m seeing it is like this, people think of the consequences too much. People are always worried about hurting someone else and whatnot. But if they were less man and more beast, they could get everything off their chest in one clean sweep. The world might be a better place then, because people wouldn’t be holding in so much pent-up rage.”

“Sage, you’ve got a good point too. I still gotta go with Lillian though.” I felt Lillian’s smugness and Sage’s frustration, but everything remained silent.

“Caught here in a fiery blaze,” I mumbled. I saw the burning building’s in my mind’s eyes, and I watched again as the smoke climbed towards the sky.

“Won’t lose my will to stay.” Ha! More like the exact opposite. I won’t lose my will to leave; my will to get home. My mind thought up a response to every verse I sang, but I kept going. I had to entertain myself somehow.

“These eyes won’t see the same.” Now wasn’t that the truth? I’d never see things the same again. Deep down I knew that I was changed forever. Years from now I’d be walking down an aisle in a grocery store, and then I’d suddenly drop to the ground and start crawling away from the screams and explosions.

“After I flip today.” Well, I was hoping that part didn’t come true. I was hoping to save the mental breakdown for afterwards, when I was finally out of here.

“I tried to drive all through the night.” That was true enough, if you switched drive to walk. I was getting less and less sleep lately, even though I really needed the rest. Sleep was just a luxury I couldn’t afford right now.

“The heat stroke ridden weather, the barren empty sights.” Heat stroke ridden weather fit the climate perfectly. The sun could be up for less than an hour and I’d already be sweating on every inch of my body. By some grace of God though, I’d managed not to have a heat stroke. Yet. As for the sights? I’d say barren and empty pretty much summed them up.

“No oasis here to see.” Definitely not. I’d welcome an oasis right abut now, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be seeing one soon.

“Sydney…” I literally stopped walking and looked around, as if I would actually see someone standing behind me. But there had to be someone else, right? That voice wasn’t mine, or Lillian’s, or Sage’s. Besides, the voice wasn’t in my head.

“Who’s there?” I asked.

“Sydney…” I looked around again, but I was still the only person for who-knows-how-many-miles. I pressed the heels of my hands to my tired eyes and pressed.

“Sydney…”

“Walk, Syd! Don’t just stand there like some kind of idiot!”

“Syd, please, keep walking.” It almost sounded as if Lillian was pleading, begging, me to keep walking.

“Hey, did you guys he—“

“Sydney!” I stopped talking, and my words seemed to have died in my throat. The palms of my hands, which were now swinging by my sides, turned cold and clammy.

“I’m finally going crazy,” I mumbled to myself.

“SYDNEY!”

“Who the fuck keeps calling me?!” I screamed.

“Syd, please, just keep walking,” Lillian said in a pleading voice.

“Down here, Sydney…” The voice was whispering again, and against my better judgment, I looked down. In front of me, at least five feet away, was something in the sand. Well, not something in the sand seeing as how there was nothing there but sand…

“Hello, Sydney.” The sand had two eyes and a mouth, and the mouth was moving. But it was nothing but sand.

“Yep, I’ve finally lost it,” I whispered.

“Keep moving!”

“But it’s right there! If I move, it’ll eat me or something!” I yelled. The sand-face laughed.

“Don’t look at it!”

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re not going to have to walk around it!”

“Syd, please, just keep walking.” There was that pleading voice again, with a little touch of fear mixed in.

“Okay.” I forced my chin up, and my eyes scanned the vast sky. I walked around where the sandman, as I was now calling it in my mind, was and made sure not to look down. After I had put some space between me and the sandman, I let out a sigh and looked down. Staring at the sky was starting to hurt my eyes. My gaze landed on the sand-covered ground, and I jumped back and covered my mouth to keep me from screaming. The sandman laughed up at me.

“You can’t run away, Sydney,” the sandman said. I watched in awe as its mouth stretched to form words.

“I’m not running away from anything. I’m walking towards something,” I said.

“Silly little Sydney, don’t treat me as if I’m incompetent. You’re talking to an ancient now, child.” I stared down at the sandman, drinking in his whispered words.

“I don’t think you’re stupid, Mr. Sandman. Just…what’s the word I’m looking for?…mistaken,” I said and smiled.

“Mistaken? No, I don’t think so. Do you know how many people have walked this desert, child? How many people have walked in this heat? Do you know how many people have died trying to get out? You’ll die, silly little Sydney, just like all the rest,” the sandman said with a wide smile. It was kind of creepy.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m nothing like all the rest, I’m something special,” I said.

“Special, eh? You’re no different and soon, little Sydney, I’ll be feasting on your blood and bones.”

“We’ll see about that,” I said and started walking again. I didn’t even bother to walk around the place where the sandman had been. I was actually hoping to step all over him,

“That’s my Sydney! No sandman is going to bother us!”

“I’m very proud of you, Syd. You handled everything very well.”

“Thank you,” I said and smiled. I started humming lightly to myself, and I quickly realized the song. So I started singing right where I had left off.

“The sand is singing deathless words to me!” I yelled and started laughing. I managed to walk and laugh at the same time, and I was pretty sure I heard the sandman growling. I guess he didn’t like my choice of song. Maybe I should change it?

“Oh, Mr. Sandman! Bring me a dream! Make him the hottest thing! That’s I’ve ever seen!” I yelled out in a sing-song voice. More growling, and then it suddenly stopped. I looked around but saw nothing. Who knew you could piss off an ancient-whatever just by singing? I must have some kind of special talent…

Jimmy’s POV

It’s been about three weeks since Sydney’s memorial, or something like that. I’ve lost track of the days. I don’t like looking at calendars anymore; they just show the days of Sydney’s passing. I don’t want to see how many days have passed since the last time I saw her. I sleep a lot, and Brian makes me come over to his house on most days. He says that none of us should be alone just yet, because we’re all mourning. So why not do it together? I don’t mind though. Being around people does help, but I like being alone too. When I’m alone, I can sleep, and dream…and dream…and dream…And in my dreams, Sydney’s alive and coming home.

Syd’s POV

The ground was hard beneath me, even though there was a thin mat separating me from it. The night air was cold, the exact opposite of daytime hours. The sky was dark with twinkling stars, and I gazed up at them before closing my eyes. I was only allowed a few hours of sleep, and then I had to get going again. I tightened the itchy blanket around me and fell asleep, almost instantly.

I was sitting on the hard ground, and the sand lightly burned my palms. It was the middle of the day, which meant that I should be walking, but I was sitting instead. Quick pants shook my chest, and I realized that there was moisture on my face. Crying couldn’t be helped, but I really didn’t need to be crying. Dehydration was easy to accomplish out here, and I needed all of my bodily fluids in my body.

“Syd?” My body instantly stopped shaking, and the flow of tears slowly stopped. Well, there’s one for small miracles.

“J-Jimmy?” I asked, recognizing the voice. I moved my entire body around and saw Jimmy walking towards me. I wanted to jump up and hug him, but I was frozen to my spot on the ground. Jimmy stopped right in front of me and knelt down. He smiled at me, and then he traced one finger down the side of my face.

“What are you doing just sitting here, Syd?” he asked. I leaned my face against his touch, loving how cold his hand felt against my burning face.

“I’m so tired, Jimmy. My legs feel like they’re ripping apart at he seams. It’s always hot, so fucking hot. And now some sandman dude is after me,” I said.

“The Sandman is after you?” Jimmy asked and cocked his head to the side.

“Yeah, and I don’t think he likes me,” I whispered.

“Don’t worry about him, Syd, or any of that other stuff. Just come home, Syd. Everyone misses you, I miss you. They keep saying you’re dead, but I know you’re not. Come prove them wrong? For me?” Jimmy asked.

“Okay, Jimmy. For you,” I said and kissed one of his knuckles.

“See you soon,” Jimmy whispered. I closed my eyes against his touch, and then he was gone.

I woke up sweating and panting, and the morning sun glared at me. I had slept longer than I usually did, but it was okay this one time. I pulled myself to my feet and packed everything up, and then I started walking again. I was ready to get home, where I belonged.